Cheating Husband. 15 Hard Facts About Cheating, And The Consequences That You Do Not Even Think About, Men

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

From people far from psychology, I often hear: “Andrey Viktorovich, why do we need family psychology, why are you struggling with betrayal?! After all, married betrayal, and betrayal of her husband Is a very interesting and attractive phenomenon, a huge layer of human culture! To fight with betrayal - a useless and even unnecessary activity, since it is flirting, sexual intrigues and experiments, secret sleepovers and travels, illegitimate children and expensive gifts and career promotions received for sex create all the brightness of human life. Life, when you secretly mate with someone - a continuous charge of positive, you are in excitement and in good shape! You know that someone needs and you yourself strive for someone.

Infidelity - these are additional opportunities and emotions! This is a holiday of soul and body without everyday life, children and sad obligations. You get on the side of the sex that you are not given at home, you give gifts or receive them not on the red days of the calendar, Life without infidelity Is food without salt and spices, insipid and tasteless. Exactly infidelity - a perpetual motion machine of people and history. It is treason that motivates you to compete, fight and conquer, improve yourself, your homes, everyday life, the life of society as a whole. The desire to impress the representatives of the opposite sex stimulates buying and selling, ensures Progress; accumulation of capital, without which there will be no business, banks, funds, the world economy. The desire to communicate with potential sexual partners develops means of communication, the Internet, social networks. How many discoveries, exploits and masterpieces have been created in order to conquer someone and then secretly sleep. Therefore, it is matrimonial infidelity have been described and praised for centuries in literature, theater and cinema. And you are here going to teach someone to reason! This is as ridiculous and senseless as Don Quixote's attack on windmills!"

There is some truth in these statements. But as small as if someone said: “Drugs are a very useful invention of mankind! They relieve pain, increase stamina, give courage or relaxation, activate creativity! You need to give them to everyone and always! " Indeed, drugs can have certain advantages, only there is one very big "BUT": the negative consequences of drug use, that is, the disadvantages, are thousands of times greater than the number of possible positive advantages !!! So is it worth rejoicing in the dubious momentary joys, knowing about the risks of a serious deterioration in health, a noticeable reduction in your life, a deterioration in its quality and loss from society? Is it worth for the sake of pleasure only today to deprive yourself of a stable tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, in general to deprive yourself of the future? Probably still not worth it! And the biographies of individual well-known and successful drug addicts disseminated in the media will definitely not be an example for mass imitation. Because for one successful drug addict there will always be tens of thousands of successful people who have never used drugs.

Exactly the same with adultery. Infidelity Is just another of the drugs created by mankind. Just like opium, heroin or cocaine, betrayal every year takes the lives of some people and cripples the life and health of others. We know the posthumous diagnosis: "death from drug overdose", "death from a disease that developed as a result of infection with AIDS (hepatitis, etc.) with intravenous drug injection." Unfortunately for those who die from betrayal (their own or the betrayal of loved ones) do not diagnose: “ death from a stroke caused by her husband's betrayal ", "Death from a heart attack provoked leaving the family, after her husband's infidelity"," Death from cancer or depression, against the background of a complete drop in the body's immunity after betrayal in the family and divorce "," death from alcohol overdose, due to her husband's betrayal"," Suicide due to the collapse of the family due to her husband's infidelity ", etc. And therefore, ordinary citizens - not psychologists and not medical workers do not even realize that in the structure of mortality from heart attacks, strokes (etc.), physical and mental exhaustion, at least half of the tragic stories are provoked precisely betrayal and divorce!

We imagine matrimonial infidelity as an element of the notorious "sweet life", we associate with lakshri and premium class: luxury hotels, seaside resorts, fishnet underwear and stockings, expensive alcohol, hours of sex marathons and role-playing games, expensive gifts, dizzying growth of career and social opportunities. But let's look at everything a little more realistically.

If treason is not one-time and accidental, if the connection becomes long-term, then the well-known principle works: "no matter how long the string is twisted, there will still be an end of it." History is required will be continued. Let's look at their options together. Let's start with the variant of her husband's betrayal. So what's in store for a passionate and generous lover in the near or long term?

15 severe consequences of husbands' adultery:

1. Lies, the growth of mental and physical wear and tear of the personality as a result of her husband's betrayal

Treason technically possible only thanks to total lies. Cheating husband deceives his wife, children, relatives, friends, work colleagues, in general - everyone around him. A person has to find an opportunity all the time, carve out time for intimate meetings, walks, restaurants, etc., it is painful to think about how to organize everything technically, what and to whom to lie. You also have to either do more work in less time, or not fulfill your family and job responsibilities in full. All this is especially exacerbated in the systemic life of two families, where the mistress, in fact, becomes the second wife, albeit not legally formalized. Such a double mode of exploitation of the psyche and health of a man can last for years and it does not pass without a trace. Someone from constant overload begins to drink too much, becomes an alcoholic. Someone's logic infidelity leads to stomach ulcers, diabetes, asthma, eczema, panic attacks, increased blood pressure, heart failure, heart attacks, strokes. In any case, everything is simple and logical:

Having created a "double life" regime for himself as a mistress,

a man creates a regime of double exploitation for himself,

reducing your life span by exactly the same number of years,

how long does his "left" intimate relationship last

If you think deeply about this statement of mine, most likely you will agree with me. This reason is included in the list of those factors due to which the life expectancy of modern men is, on average, less than that of women. Because women cheat at least half as often as men.

Another curious thing a consequence of long-term betrayals:a person is so accustomed to the regime and rhythm of double life, to receiving the hormones serotonin and adrenaline, that after the termination of some "left" relationships, he seeks not to take up family life, but to fill the void that has arisen with others, similar. A kind of race to divorce begins, according to the scheme: "Which of the mistresses will lead me to leave the family and when?" The need for a constant presence of mistresses (often several at a time) is an addiction similar to drug addiction, gambling addiction or alcoholism. With a similar concussion of the psyche and the body as a whole, systemic wear and tear of its resources.

2. A quick divorce, as a result of her husband's infidelity

Sooner or later, the wife herself will reveal her mistress, even if she is hidden three times. After that, the deceived wife will leave her husband (or throw him out of the apartment), she will file for divorce herself. At the same time, it will ruin his reputation in the eyes of children, relatives, friends. There will be a division of property, conflicts over alimony, communication with children. At the same time, it is not a fact that the unfaithful man himself will strive to live with his mistress. He may find himself in psychological prostration. And if his ex-wife manages to create her own new love or family relationships, he will only be sad to watch how another man is raising his children …

3. Divorce in severe form, as a result of her husband's infidelity

If a man manages to extinguish the flared jealousy of his wife with his repentance and promise to completely end the "left" relationship, but in fact the secret intimate relationship will continue, the mistress, tired of waiting for a man's decision, can go for broke and make the wife know about it. Moreover, in the most severe form for his wife. After which, again, a divorce occurs, but in an extremely painful and harsh form, where insults and scandals will occur not only in the process of divorce and division of property, but also many years later. Sometimes - throughout the subsequent life of the ex-husband and wife.

Because of such grievances, wives may not just file for divorce, but after its implementation, leave with the child / children as far as possible from the ex-husband, thereby making it difficult for him to communicate with his own children.

4. Illegitimate child (children), as a result of her husband's infidelity

Without requiring the man to leave the family quickly, the mistress will ensure that the man becomes completely attached to her, in fact, creates a second family. When a man relaxes and begins to naively think that he is in complete control of the situation, he will lose vigilance, his mistress will become pregnant and give birth. After that, the life of a man will be broken to pieces. Because he will have a dilemma: what children (what child) will live WITHOUT a FATHER - born in wedlock, or born out of wedlock? With which of the women to live and how to communicate with the other? This certainly does not lead to an improvement in the health of a man.

Nor does it lead to better health for women and children. Due to worries, pregnant lawful wives and mistresses have miscarriages and frozen pregnancies, children are born with pathologies. Many women, suffering for years from the fact that they share the father of their children with another woman, go into severe depression, against this background they often develop psycho-somatic diseases. The consequences of all this are on the conscience of the cheating men.

5. Robbery of his own family, as a result of her husband's betrayal

You need to invest in relationships, in every sense of the word. Long-term and regular relationships of lovers are possible only when there is a financial basis under them. Otherwise, people are not up to sex, they have to work hard. Accordingly, intimacy on the side always requires money. According to the law of saving money, if someone has more money, it means that someone has less money. Where did they go from? Of course, from the family. Gifts for a mistress, hotels, resorts and fur coats are toys, travel packages, clothes, shoes, fruits and sweets that were not presented to children. These are household problems of the family that have not been resolved in time. These are diseases not cured in time. These are funds that have never been invested in the education and development of children, which can make their adult life very difficult. This is a lost opportunity to invest that money in a wife and family, which is highly likely to improve the marriage, bring the family out of stagnation or crisis. Since these large expenses from the family budget are usually made without the consent of the family, they can be assessed as theft. Stealing is generally bad, stealing from relatives and your own children is generally a shame! This is often punished by the fact that the mistress leaves her married sponsor along with the apartments and cars donated to him, and after a divorce from his wife he drags out a miserable existence that no one needs. And this, from my point of view, is a very light and insufficient punishment. Especially in comparison with the pangs of conscience, when the cheater then observes how life does not develop for those of his grown children who did not have enough of their father's upbringing and father's money.

6. Risks of financial and malfeasance as a result of her husband's betrayal

Those who systemically cheat, who are skillfully manipulated by their mistress, who are forced to buy sex and other people's loyalty, who invest in the creation of an “alternative family nest”, who have illegitimate children, always lack funds. There is nothing surprising in the fact that these people commit crimes where the motive is banal self-interest.

The habit of stealing from the family often provokes to take bribes

commit other official financial crimes

Bribes, kickbacks, shares; "Custom" tenders, competitions and auctions; subscripts, forgery of documents and direct theft - all this is the classic reverse side of betrayal. Often, it is the mistresses who are behind those criminal offenses when relatives, friends and colleagues cannot understand at all why a shameful and criminally punishable act was committed by a person with a previously crystal clear reputation and biography. A person is ashamed to admit it, he just mutters: "the devil has beguiled, I myself do not understand how it happened …".

Often from here - the manifestation of negligence at work, damage to the organization. A doctor who, instead of paying attention to the patient, dreams of having sex in the staff room with his mistress. A director who is looking for ways how to recruit or promote his passion in violation of the rules (not

having the necessary education or professional qualities), betraying the interests of the service and squeezing out real professionals from work. The policeman, who, during a planned patrol of the area, systematically calls in to his "left" girlfriend for several hours. A long-distance truck driver who makes a head-on collision on a road with many victims, because he received oral sex from a roadside "girlfriend" while driving. A civil aviation pilot on a flight after a sleepless night in a hotel with work colleagues or prostitutes, unable to make the right decision in an emergency. Etc. etc. Often, the name for all this is love inadequacy caused by a mistress. Then to give testimony and go to jail is a cheating man.

7. Waste of your own life time, career risks

Unfortunately, the time of our life is limited. The only thing you can do is spend it wisely. The time spent on mistresses is the time that could be used by a man for career, business, science, creativity, education, sports, communication with rapidly growing up children and aging parents. And a lot more for what. I think so:

Instead of knowing mistresses in bed

a man must know himself and the world around him

It is important to understand: The time that was eaten treason- these are the very months and even years that you did not have enough to achieve in this life something more. Or - that very missing labor time, because of which you were fired, set up or demoted at work.

8. Expenses of reputation in the team, as a result of her husband's betrayal

It always seems to cheaters that they are smarter than everyone else and those around them do not notice their intrigues and erotic adventures. Alas, it only seems to them. Laughs and smiles behind your back, mistrust of the leadership, a decline in reputation in the team, resentment and jealousy of others are a common occurrence for betrayal. Leaking erotic photos, amateur porn and passionate declarations of love from mobile phones and computers is another risk. Often accompanied by blackmail, fear of possible blackmail, or simply the revenge of an offended woman. Even louder are the reputational costs in the event of illegitimate children or a direct scandal between a wife and a mistress. And this is not a rare story at all.

9 the cost of reputation among relatives

Approximately 30% of cheating men, after they become attached to their mistress, and their wives find out about the presence of a “superfluous third”, are unable to decide with whom to live. They turn, as I define them, into "shuttle" husbands who regularly rush from wife to mistress and back. After one or two such shuttle voyages, accompanied by statements that “now I have finally made my choice and am staying here forever,” the reputation of such men falls to zero. They are turned away not only by wives and mistresses, but also by close relatives, up to their own parents and children. Such men often end up very badly: falling into depression, they become alcoholics, lose their jobs, health, sink to the very bottom of life.

And another thing happens: the phone of a cheating father can be read by his children … They may feel sorry for their mother and not inform her that their father has a "leftist" relationship, but they themselves will greatly change their opinion about their father. And after many years, they may punish him by the fact that they either stop communicating with him, abandon his last name, or will not allow him to communicate with his grandchildren. Moreover, I observe such examples in my practice every week …

10. Symmetric retaliation of the wife, as a result of her husband's infidelity

Having learned about the betrayal of the legal husband, the wife may consider herself no longer bound by the oath of fidelity, and will begin to change herself. This can lead to the fact that the wife herself falls in love and leaves for another man. Moreover, these are just flowers. I personally know examples from practice, where offended and vengeful wives, having learned about her husband's infidelities and illegitimate children, kept silent about this to him, but at the same time became pregnant from other men. Wanting to "punish her husband" in such a wild way. I know stories when angry wives ruined the business of their cheating husband; reported to the tax office and the police about his criminal offenses; sent anonymous letters to his management, seeking dismissal in order to break his connection with a colleague-mistress, etc. There were even stories when wives deliberately contracted sexually transmitted diseases from other men in order to infect a husband, and he - a mistress. As you can see, there is little pleasant in all this.

11. Venereal diseases, reproductive health problems

I regularly observe in my work how quite socially successful people, after their "left" adventures, become infected with chlamydia, ureaplasmosis, syphilis, AIDS, hepatitis. Often - passing these diseases to their wives, and through them - even to children (in case of lactation). For most of them, this is nonsense, since they were sincerely convinced that their partners were outside the risk group. However, the modern world is now incredibly chaotic, it mixes all the strata of society, and social networks and dating applications provide high mobility of intimate meetings. As a result, it is absolutely impossible to be completely sure of the microbiological purity of the intimate flora of the "left" intimate partner. Especially (as many cheating men like it), if you regularly say to an unmarried mistress that "it is time for her to find herself someone unmarried and more promising." Or, in general, to date a married lover, whose husband may also be inclined to outside relationships.

The frequent change of sexual partners, the associated instability of the intimate flora, is one of the causes of problems with the reproductive health of men and women. Having numerous novels "on the side", men (as well as cheating women) are often punished by Nature for not being able to conceive a child in legal marriage, then going through all the circles of medical reproductive centers. Thus, many cheaters first spend money on mistresses, and then on IVF in their own family.

Those who are doing well with their reproductive functions face another danger: unplanned pregnancies and abortions. Let me put it bluntly:

At least half of abortions are the result of adultery.

Which is quite natural. Cheating husbands inform their pregnant mistresses that they will not leave the family, and those with tears go to abortions. Cheating wives go for abortions when they are not sure whether the pregnancy is from a husband or a lover. Tragedies of a different kind are not uncommon: the spouses became pregnant as planned, then the wife found out about her husband's betrayal and went for an abortion in anger. Then the husband and wife can reconcile and live on together, but the murder of the child in the mother's womb has already taken place. And I'm not even talking about how the stress associated with cheating leads to tens of thousands of miscarriages, frozen pregnancies, premature delivery with traumas of newborns every year.

12. Risks of physical violence and criminal prosecution, as a result of her husband's betrayal

Infidelityoften provoke people to sort things out with the help of physical force. Wives (and their children) attack mistresses, and mistresses attack wives, injure, damage cars, smash apartment doors and windows. Cheating husbands are tempted to beat up by their husbands, relatives or alternative gentlemen of their mistresses. Cheating husbands themselves can beat both their "left" girlfriends and their other men. In addition, the very showdown between cheating husbands and their wives also often involves assault. All this often leads to the initiation of criminal cases, including the receipt of real terms for serving sentences (including for murders in a state of passion).

Moreover, the continuation of the love vendetta is not uncommon: people who have returned from places of imprisonment are again trying to take revenge. Which leads to new tragedies and new landings.

13. Risks of suicide as a result of her husband's infidelity

Among wives and mistresses (especially among those who are abandoned) there is a certain percentage of women with an unstable psyche. In times of crisis, amid scandals due to infidelity, they can commit suicide attempts. Unfortunately, even involving their children in this, who may be witnesses and even victims. Another thing happens: against the background of realizing their extreme shame, the psyche of the changing men themselves: shuttle traders; abandoned by all women at once; those abandoned by the children. At this point, they themselves have to be saved from suicide attempts. But, alas: "Ambulance" does not manage to arrive to everyone.

14. Abandoned children, as a result of her husband's betrayal

If you deeply analyze life, you can see:

Children always pay for the mistakes and crimes of adults.

Hence, it is quite logical that:

Infidelity- always abandoned or psychologically traumatized children

Of course, the family can survive. Or, after a divorce, a man who has changed will create a new family and he will have more children. But, in any case, there are children on earth, in whose eyes sadness, longing, or even outright pain forever settles. Those boys and girls appear who are always waiting for dad and cannot wait for him. Or they torture themselves and mom with the question: "What did we do for dad that he stopped loving us and left us?" Or they ask dad: “Why are these other, illegitimate children better than us? And what is wrong with us? " Or they say to themselves: “Family is very painful: after all, people become attached to you, whom you then abandon! Therefore, personally, I will never start a family!"

And what storms of emotions occur in the minds of those children who are able to clearly see the deterioration of their material, apartment, financial, social and other opportunities after the father's betrayal and divorce. Trust me as a practice of your work: not every psychologist can withstand this pain! To describe all this, a whole book is not enough.

15. Feelings of guilt

Cheaters are ordinary people. When they have a rut, hormones stabilize or they begin to experience all those negative consequences. betrayal, which were described above, rationality nevertheless turns on, and with it comes the feeling of guilt. There comes a feeling of shame for wasted energy, time, money and opportunities. An understanding comes that the closest people - parents, wife, children, all this time did not receive the simplest warmth, experienced a lack of attention, care and affection. A keen desire comes to somehow make up for lost time. But, alas: not everyone has a chance for this. Someone's wife still leaves, files for divorce or cheats herself. The children turn out to be already grown up and coldly detached from the dad who skipped his life. Parents have already died without waiting for elementary phone calls from the prodigal son, without receiving proper medical and social assistance, just human communication. The chances of making a career are lost, the money to expand the family's living space has been wasted.

And then, from the side of that mistress, who was never able to acquire the status of a wife in this relationship, there are almost always reproaches that she sacrificed herself to her lover; believed him and expected a divorce; for some reason I gave him my best years, etc. Few men can answer that:

The best years of a lover's life are usually given away

for the best content, to that man

who gives the maximum of all available applicants

So, as they say, it's all quits. However, I will not go deep into this. I have a whole book about this, "If your husband cheated or left, and you want to return him back to your family." You can read it.

I will end on the fact that in one form or another, payback for adultery, still comes. And the scandal with his wife on this list of painful consequences is far from the worst! But, the most painful thing is the very realization that you are so great and thrice smart, special and unique, having embarked on the path infidelity, all the same, you are going through the difficult, sorrowful and often shameful path that all those whom you considered more stupid than yourself, less educated, less successful, etc. have gone before you. And at this moment of insight, it is difficult to understand that cheating is like a drug: it is easy to try, it is extremely difficult to return to normal life, and the cost of going out is thousands of times more expensive than the cost of entering. Treason can start with treating a pretty stranger with a cup of coffee or a cocktail, and on the way out - give your wife, child, apartment, career and health. Something like that…

And further. I have named “15 grave consequences adultery husbands . I can only add that in relation to cheating wives, at least 5 more consequences are added to this list. Namely:

16. Deterioration in communication with native children

Since the main thing in the upbringing of children, in fact, are precisely the mothers (for which a huge "Thank you!" But when the mother herself begins to cheat, most often she falls deeply in love and becomes attached to her external partner. This immediately begins to affect the amount of time she spends with the child / children and, usually, leads to problems in their behavior and academic performance.

17. Problems and conflicts in communication between children of a woman, born from different fathers

When in marriage one child is born from her husband, and the other from the man with whom the woman cheated. When all this is clarified, and children grow up, there are great difficulties.

18. Problems and conflicts in communication between the husband and the child who turned out to be born by the wife from another man

At the same time, this child was raised by a man, like a native, with appropriate feelings, warmth and care.

19. Severe psychological stress in a situation when a woman (including a married woman) is sincerely in love with her lover, and he refuses to build a serious relationship or marriage with the woman. Or a woman reveals other, alternative lovers from her lover

This can lead not only to depression and illness, but also premature menopause.

20. Personal loneliness of a woman, as a result of her husband's betrayal

When, after revealing a woman's betrayal and divorce, she loses her reputation, but remains to live in that village where there are simply no potential suitors physically. And the years go by …

Now you have a whole set of facts and the ability to make your own decision: cheating husband - it's cool, fun and prestigious, or all the same - painful, tragic and shameful. For my part, I can only ask a rhetorical question: "Is secret sex with a mistress, a couple of times a week, worth all the various consequences and risks that I have described?" In my opinion, after all - no!

So kudos and laxree cheating husbands, I personally have very big doubts. And I do not advise you to check all this for yourself. Before you, this has already been tested by millions of men and women. They paid too much for it.

And remember: the tempting bed of cheating easily transforms into an electric chair! It’s hard to sit on it, but it’s already impossible to get up: the handcuffs are pink, fluffy and glamorous, but they still hold very tightly.