Cheating A Man. Seven Basic Patterns Of Male Infidelity. Male Cheating Patterns

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The initial, or primary, motives for treason can be seriously different from the motives for the continuation of the given relationship. Therefore, in my analysis of any stories of betrayal, I always divide the motives of betrayal into primary, secondary and final. This is a feature of my method at work.

The primary motive for betrayal is the most relevant motive at the time of the beginning of the betrayal. Usually - the main deficiency in a person's life: what he lacks the most. Most often: sex and self-affirmation in men; family, communication, leisure, reproduction in women.

The secondary motive for betrayal is one that ensures the consolidation of relations and their development. Usually, there are several of them. After all, appetite comes with eating. Having started dating, feeling comfort, discovering the partner's flexibility, his / her desire to move towards, to give pleasure, a person thinks: “Well, was it possible? Then, can I have more ?!”. Having received a charge of optimism, he begins to find out what other resources a partner can open access to. Usually, these are: material, housing, social, career, etc. It is the emergence of secondary motives that helps maintain a long-term relationship between lovers, transforms "just sex without mutual obligations" already into a love relationship.

Cheating a man - The final motive for cheating is those unique features of the partner's behavior that turned out to be: very valuable; irreplaceable or difficult to replace; stable over time. These are: primary and secondary motives that have not lost their relevance, retained their effect through months and years of relationship; or an additional super-motive, which appeared in the sky after some time of communication, became a guiding star in a person's biography, in his life plans, confirmed him in his desire to keep the existing connection forever.

It is on the final motive that, most often, the adoption of the final decision on the fate of this betrayal depends. What it will be: a short connection with a pleasant or unpleasant aftertaste; long-term sexual outlet; parallel unofficial family (including the birth of illegitimate children); divorce with the creation of a new legal marriage and the planned birth of children; divorce without registering a new marriage, with cohabitation and unclear prospects; divorce and the creation of a relationship with a completely different partner (not a lover), etc.

It is the final motives that the cheating person (with different levels of honesty) will explain to himself and to those around him why he cannot break this connection. At the same time, describing completely different motives to all those around him, usually primary or secondary. But to myself - exactly, the final ones. Therefore, quite often, the final motives are a secret behind seven seals, "motives for internal consumption." For example, the motive for achieving common goals, love exploitation, reproduction, family, or financial and material.

The motive for achieving common goals is often underestimated, but it is. For example: A successful man from the civil service or law enforcement system could motivate his wife for years to start a business activity, because he himself wanted, in the end, to become a businessman. His wife did not hear his request, but his mistress - from a half-word. After creating a successful joint business project, parting with such a girl is very difficult: it's like parting with a dream! Especially considering that business and assets are recorded on it! Similarly, with the stories of moving to other cities, regions or countries: if a person finds someone who not only dreams about it, but also shows high activity, it is almost impossible to break such a connection.

Take the motive of love exploitation. The male leader cheats with his subordinate, who, with her labor exploits, ensures him successful sales or completely frees him from all the routine with documents. A lover who gives not only sex and total submission, but also is an indispensable employee, is doubly valuable. It will be extremely difficult for a man to part with her, and it is embarrassing to talk about this motive. I am ashamed to say that I divorced my wife because of laziness and unwillingness to work myself. It is interesting that the dedication of a hardworking mistress, in this case, will be used by her lover and his wife, even after the divorce. So the mistress, with her labor, as if “bought” a husband for herself. But to talk about it out loud - like, it's indecent …

Or the situation with sex: many can give intimacy, but only this particular woman-lover turned out to be compatible with a man for some of his narrowly specialized requests (role-playing games, swingers, BDSM, anal sex, home sex videos, erotic toys, etc.). that is morally difficult to tell other sex partners about. And to talk about it with his wife, who has formed an image of "correct and conservative" in general, the language does not turn …

Or, say, for a girl it is important not only that a man has a lot of money, but that he completely obeys her, includes her motive for self-affirmation. Others will be sure that she sleeps with this married man only because of his money, but she knows for sure: there are a lot of men with money around, but the rich and at the same time - the weak and giving power over themselves to the woman - still need to look.

Or, say, the final motives of communication and self-affirmation, in terms of accepting a person in combination with all his nuances. Let's say a successful married man has several mistresses at once. (This happens all the time). The most valuable, in the end, turned out to be not the one with a larger breast size or longer legs, but a mistress, which was most respectful of his wife and children. Plus, it also did not give reasons for jealousy for a long time. Or she was patient, did not press and did not require a divorce. Or she was ready to get pregnant on demand, but at the same time she herself did not get pregnant, did not play "flying". It is the motive of comfortable communication and self-affirmation, in a situation where the cheating man thinks that he is the one who completely controls the situation in his life, controls it and does not receive unpleasant emotions, as a result, will outweigh all other motives when the time for divorce comes. And the new wife may become the least bright of all mistresses, but the most manageable. In any case, a man will think so … In any case, in fact - the wisest.

The particular importance of the final motives lies in the fact that they help the changing person to justify himself, to clear his conscience. The person says to himself: "I just cannot afford to lose such a valuable person, because I can never meet another like that in my life!" In this moment, the logic of self-deception turns on, when a person can come up with such final motives for himself, which in fact are not. Therefore, even experienced psychologists sometimes find it difficult to understand this cunning interweaving of truth, lies and self-deception.

Having dealt with the specifics of the motives, we move on. In theory, a combination of only fifteen motives for male cheating should give many hundreds of options for the development of relationships. However, in practice, everything fits into seven basic male patterns.

Cheating a man. Seven basic patterns of male infidelity:

Male pattern 1. Comfortable communication - sex.

Male pattern 2. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation.

Male pattern 3. Comfortable communication - sex - achieving common goals.

Male pattern 4. The motive of mutual solidarity in the team - self-affirmation or comfortable communication - sex.

Male pattern 5. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation - leisure.

Male pattern 6. Love exploitation - comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation.

Male template 7. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation - reproduction.

Now let's look at them in detail.

Cheating a man. Male pattern 1. Comfortable communication - sex. Or: first, sex - then comfortable communication. From a change in the places of the terms, the amount does not change.

This is the most common pattern. We met anywhere - we talked nicely - we switched to sex. If, apart from sex and pleasant communication in a couple, nothing else appears, this relationship will be relatively short: we are talking about weeks or months. The initiative to end communication usually comes from the mistress. After all, women always need to develop relationships, get some result from them, change their lives for the better. And if a financial basis is not provided for sexual relations, they are useless for a career, you cannot have a child and start a family in them, girls quickly lose interest in them. And they start looking for another partner. Or they begin to push their lover to give something, or at least promise. But we'll talk about this later.

Cheating men. Male pattern 2. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation.

Or: Self-affirmation - comfortable communication - sex.

Or: Sex - self-affirmation - comfortable communication.

Or: Sex - comfortable communication - self-affirmation.

Again, from a change in the places of the terms, the amount does not change. It is important here that the motive of self-affirmation is added to pleasant communication and sex. For example, a girl turns out to be very beautiful and sexy. As men say: "Lives in stockings." Or the man turned out to be socially prestigious and / or wealthy. You need to value such a partner, and therefore invest in him or money (men) or your external data and sexual behavior (girls).

Keep in mind: The emergence of the third motive is always of fundamental importance for the relationship of lovers! This is what provides, although still relative, but still the strength and duration of the betrayal. Absolutely any third motive is always a secondary motive (see above) and ensures the existence of "left" relations for many months, and sometimes even years! Of course, making it very difficult to interrupt the infidelity.

Cheating a man. Male pattern 3. Comfortable communication - sex - achieving common goals.

Or: Sex - comfortable communication - achieving common goals. Etc.

It doesn't matter where the "left" love story starts: with quick sex or a long preliminary communication. The main thing here is that in the process of connection, lovers find out that they have common goals. Moreover, not just some too general, like everyone else, like: "Earn a lot of money, build a house, raise children, live happily ever after, travel a lot." And extremely specific and deeply individual! Moreover, those where not just someone supports someone in his aspirations and quietly observes his / her one-sided efforts, but those where both partners need to work together! For example:

• - to seize power in an organization where lovers work together;
• - move to another city or even to another country;
• - create and develop a common business (in any area);
• - to promote each other, to become famous and popular people in a certain field of activity: political, social, religious, charitable, scientific, environmental, sports, creative, etc.;
• - to achieve great joint success in some kind of activity;
• - do something very creative, invent, invent, etc.;
• - have many common children, or adopt / adopt adopted children;
• - to go around the whole world (and not only).

Etc. Lovers assign roles and get down to business. They want to become leaders in their organization - weave intrigues together. If they move to another country, they learn a foreign language and legislation. They create a business - attend the required courses and discuss the strategy. And so on in any of the chosen directions. Having started the implementation of a joint project, where lovers will be two parts of one whole, they will be hostages to each other. Being at first chained with one chain, in the future they may turn out to be ringed with the same wedding rings. After the divorce, of course.

Cheating a man. Male pattern 4. The motive of mutual solidarity in the team - self-affirmation or comfortable communication - sex.

The motive of mutual solidarity is a mix of the motives of comfortable communication and achievement of a common goal. I call it "the quietest motive for an imperceptible betrayal." An imperceptible betrayal for the cheaters themselves. The bottom line is simple: performing an important task entrusted to them, sitting in the same office, making general reports, going on business trips together or simply fighting together against all other team members (managers, customers, service consumers, inspectors, etc.), work colleagues gradually get closer to each other. And, firstly, involuntarily, without an original plan for treason; secondly - on a very high note of positive, with complete mutual trust.

On the basis of common aspirations (not personal and internal, as in the case of the motive of common goals, but external - service), almost a family arises, where the emergence of intimate relations between a man and a woman is only a matter of time and circumstances. Somehow: they drank too much at a corporate party; spent the night in neighboring hotel rooms on a business trip; stayed up late at work; a man accompanied his colleague home late in the evening and went to her place for coffee; celebrated a small labor victory, kissed for joy and felt erotic excitement, etc.

If good sex and self-affirmation are attached to the motive of comfortable communication, the flywheel of betrayal begins to spin further, stringing on itself more and more new motives.

Cheating a man. Male pattern 5. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation - leisure.

Or: Leisure - comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation.

Or: Sex - self-affirmation - comfortable communication - leisure.

All terms can be swapped. This template runs if:

• - Acquaintance immediately occurs through some form of general leisure hobbies (hobbies), which then comes communication and sex.
• - Acquaintance occurs through communication and sex, but a wealthy man had a strong desire to make up for lost time in his poor working youth (nightclubs, travel, bars, restaurants, concerts, extreme sports, etc.), and the girl
• she skillfully took up the organization of such leisure, and this is her dignity. Though for the money of a married man that they steal from the family.
• - An acquaintance occurs with such a bright and beautiful girl (or a married man himself makes her like that, investing money in her appearance) that she must be taken out to public and noisy places. Which also turns out to be quite fun and attractive.

Attention: Four motives, two of which are secondary - a very serious thing! This provides a fairly strong bond between a married man and his mistress, which can already last for years and grow into a de facto second parallel marriage. Moreover, it is not even secret, since a man, without hiding, always goes out with his passion to public places. Thus, a parallel marriage becomes apparent to everyone around, except for the extremely inattentive spouse of a man.

Cheating a man. Male pattern 6. Love exploitation - comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation.

Or: Sex - self-affirmation - comfortable communication - love exploitation. Or: Comfortable communication - sex - love exploitation - self-affirmation. Also - any other combinations of the above four motives.

This plot usually takes place at work. The girl turned out to be good not only as a sexual partner, but also as a man's "right hand" in all matters. She was able to substitute for her partner not only erotic parts of her body, but also a strong shoulder. Once the mistress was also an invaluable deputy, secretary, assistant, accountant, lawyer, economist, sales manager, senior specialist, press secretary, PR specialist, marketer, quality expert, designer or engineer, she created the perfect platform for transformation. himself into a common-law wife.

Of course, everything else depends on her feminine wisdom and cunning. However, for a business man, she will definitely be out of competition with his other mistresses, even if she is inferior to them in sex or in appearance. The main thing is that she obeys her man and works for him! Moreover, it works not only with the body and emotions, but also with the mind. As you know, in the battle of body, emotions and mind, it is usually the mind that wins. Although, not immediately (((

Cheating a man. Male template 7. Comfortable communication - sex - self-affirmation - reproduction.

Again, all these points, as if in a constructor, can easily be swapped. Enjoying communication, regular sex and self-affirmation, lovers were able to legalize the topic of childbirth, which is so significant for any girl. The main thing is that they start talking about it not after the onset of an unplanned pregnancy (which usually worsens the communication of lovers), but before conception. Thus, making it planned and placing the responsibility on it exactly on the man.

How it happened is irrelevant. Or a man wanted a child even before his mistress appeared, but his wife was in no hurry to give birth. Moreover, it doesn't matter: the first child, the second, the third, etc. Or the mistress immediately imposed the idea that it was time for her to give birth for gynecological reasons (at any age), or simply because she was already strongly over thirty. Or the mistress was able to ignite such a strong love emotion, when the desire to have a joint child, the "call of hormones" becomes almost irresistible force. Or she convinced a naive man that she didn’t need anything from him except “the memory of great love in the form of a child”: “Say, I can raise, raise and provide for him myself, without destroying your family and your material resources”. Or she lulled his vigilance with the story that she has long dreamed of a child "for herself", without any connection with communication with a specific man, and therefore she needs "just a donor of high-quality sperm."

Then everything depends on the talents of the mistress. If a pregnant girl is able to maintain her sexual activity for as long as possible, will not be scandalous and hysterical, and will relatively quickly regain her good external shape after the birth of a child, this can lead to a strengthening of the connection, up to the divorce of the man and the creation of a new family. If the pregnant mistress does not cope with these requirements, the connection may break, and the child will be left without communication with the dad.

I draw your attention to the fact that these templates describe only the very beginning of treason. In the future, the number of motives can increase or decrease. After all, girls who take on the role of lovers rarely put up with their status as “just a male sex toy”. On the male game, a counter female game is necessarily superimposed; female motives come into play. Initially, they may coincide with men's, but later they change greatly, which has a huge impact on the course of infidelity, its prospects and the final result. Formally, women's motives are exactly the same as those of men, but their priority is very different. More about this in the next chapter.

But before we get to it, I want to commit:

Despite the fact that there can be as many as fifteen motives for treason (they are listed above), in fact, in the minds of men, usually, there are only seven of them:

• 7 main male motives for establishing a mistress:
• 1. The motive is sexy.
• 2. The motive of comfortable communication.
• 3. The motive of self-affirmation.
• 4. The motive of leisure.
• 5. The motive for achieving common goals.
• 6. The motive of mutual solidarity in the team.
• 7. The motive of amorous exploitation.

Moreover, the most important - the first three motives: sex, pleasant communication and self-affirmation! It is these motives that are the very "dashing three" on which, ringing bells (not the ones you might think of), men travel to the endless expanses of adultery. And there, as the curve deduces. Some cheating men will sit here for many years, changing mistresses; others from the very first betrayal will run into such a problematic mistress that fear will throw them back into the family; still others will become so strongly attached to one mistress that they will gradually create a parallel family; the fourth will immediately rush at a gallop into divorce and the creation of a new official family with a friend, etc.

The final trajectory of a changed married man will depend on many factors, on their whole set. We will talk about this later. But above all - from the women of the given man: from his wife, from his mother, from his daughter. And, of course, from his mistress. From the goals of these women, their character, their motives. Now let's talk about the motives of lovers in the next article: "Lovers: motives and patterns."

Did you like my article "Cheating a Man"? I look forward to your comments!