2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people might think that the topic sounds absurd. How can a woman desire her man's betrayal? Of course, she will never admit it, and maybe even this desire is still unconscious. Nevertheless, the behavior of such a woman will indicate the opposite - about the conditional desirability of betrayal. By her actions, she pushes her husband to cheating and then chooses not to notice her. For example, she calmly tells how her husband spends the weekend with her divorced friend, takes her son to the sports section, drinks coffee with her, goes to barbecue, etc. and assures that they are just friends.
To the question: "Why didn't you go to barbecue with them?", she gives the answer: "I had a lot of things to do at work … Anyway, I don't like kebabs."
Then this woman, let's call her L., leaves to rest abroad alone. Upon arrival, her husband tells her how a friend often came to their house "for tea", how their children played up late and she stayed overnight. L. calmly listens to her husband, nods his head and, as if nothing had happened, asks: "And how is she doing? Have you already figured out what we will give her son for his birthday?"
L. is absorbed in her work, which is her outlet as a way to escape into another reality, losing interest in family affairs.
I ask L. a question: "And how are you and your husband intimate?"
It turns out that there is no intimacy between her and her husband for a long time, there is no sexual attraction to him, conversations with him usually take place in the kitchen and are devoted to everyday problems. At midnight, they just go to bed and fall asleep, sometimes watching a movie. The husband even hugs, but she does not feel anything.
"When did you stop feeling attracted to him?" I ask.
"A year ago. I called him during a corporate party. He was drunk, took the call, but was immediately distracted by the conversation. From the conversation, I realized that he was in the sauna with women. My husband then denied everything. And I really began to think that I everything seemed to me, I screwed myself up. Then he corresponded in a hidden chat with a work colleague. At this time, my husband always closed himself in the toilet and sat there for a long time. When I started asking questions, he again denied everything, said that I was constantly in everything I stopped trusting myself, but at the same time I realized that something was wrong. Gradually apathy appeared, unwillingness to do anything around the house, to devote time to my family. I could no longer trust him. Fulfillment of the conjugal "duty" was a burden. I felt my guilt before him for this. I wanted to free him from myself and at the same time to free myself from him."
By nature, L. is conformable, in life she chooses a strategy to avoid conflict, she is afraid of changes. Denial, as a psychological defense, played the role of maintaining the illusion of family well-being and eliminated the need to conflict with her husband, to make any responsible decisions.
However, if she reasoned with her mind that it would be more correct not to notice the betrayal, then her body and sensual sphere were of a different opinion. There was both emotional and sexual coldness in relation to her husband, although before that sex life was at the highest level.
Psychosomatic disorders, including the onset of psychogenic frigidity, turn out to be conditionally desirable for a woman when she wants to avoid an unpleasant duty for herself.
At the same time, L. admitted that she was experiencing sexual arousal in relation to other men.
She has yet to accept reality and become the mistress of the situation in her family, to resolve the latent chronic conflict with her spouse, if both can do it. In any case, the husband said that he did not want to lose her.
Cheating on her husband may be desirable for a woman when she does not want sex with him, but she also does not want to part, if she is afraid of being left without material support, if there are common children; also, if she herself has a lover or she has a homosexual orientation.
Women who are prone to sexual perversions openly push their husbands to cheat, even if he does not want to cheat, in order to obtain strong arousal and vivid sexual release. In such a situation, a pervert woman plays a game with a man, according to the terms of which he must seduce a girl / woman, have sex with her, and then tell in all details how "it" was. She can even spy on her husband / lover at the time of his intercourse with the "victim".
For example, in the novel Dangerous Liaisons, the Marquis de Merteuil invites his former lover de Valmont to seduce an innocent girl. In this game, she feels like a puppeteer, sadistically enjoying the invented fun. Moreover, she plays with de Valmont's sexual interest in her person, deliberately teases him, but deprives of the desired trophy. It is clear that in this situation, the Marquise de Merteuil is not driven by a feeling of love.
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