How Can You Change The Behavior You Don't Like? The Rational-emotional Method Of Albert Ellis

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Albert Ellis is an American cognitive therapist and psychologist. He was one of the first to speak about the importance of the rational process of thinking in correcting violations of human behavior. Through his research as a psychotherapist, Ellis realized that most behavioral and emotional health problems stem from certain thoughts and attitudes. He found that it is beliefs, not realities of life, that give rise to failures at the level of emotions and feelings. Those, in turn, make the behavior inappropriate and bring people to see a therapist

There are several reasons why a psychotherapist began to study the cognitive sphere of patients.

First, it is the impossibility to change the life situations in which the client finds himself. For example, you cannot change the fact that you lost money or that a family member died.

Second, it is the inability to quickly change the patient's emotional state. For example, simply instilling attitudes to a person so that he stops getting upset and lives on does not help.

Third, very often, a person's perception of a certain situation is fundamentally different from reality. And even if you change the situation in which the client is, he will still find something negative in the new state of affairs. And it will keep him feeling bad emotionally. To confirm this and to illustrate how rational-emotional therapy works, Ellis formulated the ABC scheme. In his opinion, the events of the situation, actions, incidents (A), which are present in the life of an individual, do not in any way affect his behavior, emotions and feelings (C). Between the objective situation and the feelings of people are the thoughts and attitudes of a person (B).

The fact that we often cannot change the situation (A) and the emotional reaction (C) makes us think about how to correct mental attitudes (B).

Unconscious attitudes arise in traumatic events and cause a person to experience negative feelings. And this is what spoils the mood, lowers self-esteem, and ultimately changes our behavior. And if the situation cannot be changed, and emotions cannot be controlled, then it is quite possible to change thinking and beliefs.

And here you can ask the question, what kind of ideas and beliefs cause a person's poor emotional well-being? What exactly in his thinking can then influence his behavior?

Ellis found the answer to these questions by summarizing the results of his work with patients. He realized that in the thought process of people there are irrational attitudes. Ellis also recorded the properties of irrational beliefs.

He managed to find out that in the perception of his clients there were always generalizations: "constantly", "always", "never". And also, people talked about their duty. That they "should", "owe" something.

Of course, sometimes the obligation coincided with the real state of affairs. For example, nothing will change the fact that "the sky is always blue in clear weather." But in human relationships, "always" and "constantly" show a person's tendency to draw conclusions about everything from one single fact. And such global conclusions affect a person's entire life irrationally. And they can harm his very life.

The phrases “no one understands me”, “nothing can be changed in life”, “I spoil everything” are irrational generalizations that the person himself inspired. Indeed, in reality, everything can be different for him: there are or were people who understand, everything can be changed and in his entire life there was only one spoiled thing.

And the obligation can also be quite adequate when it comes to fulfilling the terms of the contract, for example. However, when a person thinks “I should be interesting to everyone” or “I should always do the right thing,” these are already irrational beliefs. Non-compliance with such rigid guidelines, at some point, can bring a person great suffering and cause psychological trauma.

Taken together, inadequate generalization and ought, according to Ellis's findings, indicate irrational thinking. It is this that has a detrimental effect on a person's feelings and behavior.

If a person believes that he is obliged to be everyone and is always interesting, then, most likely, he will begin to concentrate on those who are not interested in him. And having noticed such people, a person will begin to think that he is bad. Will begin to feel negative emotions. And later, depression.

Irrational beliefs interfere with adequate behavior. And inappropriate behavior, for example, an attempt to calculate people who are not interested in a person at the moment, will harm even more. It will make irrational beliefs even more stable. And this vicious circle can be broken only by changing irrational thoughts.

However, irrational beliefs are not that simple. They are rarely seen in isolation. They are often combined into complex chains of beliefs that flow from one another. And, it happens, they depend on one another. Therefore, it can be difficult to disassemble these piles of beliefs.

Ellis formulated ten most common irrational attitudes. And, most often, the first four installations from this list come across. Naturally, each person finds their own individual formulations that reflect these attitudes. But if you summarize Ellis's findings, you get the following list:

○ It is very important that all people always appreciate, love, respect, listen to me. People around whom I value, love and respect should value, love and respect me. And if it is not, then it is a disaster;

○ Everything in my life must always work out, happen as I intended. Failures cannot happen. Especially in a situation that I consider valuable to myself.

○ Everything in the world should always be as I believe;

Lying, evil, stupid, bad, wrong people must be punished;

○ If the matter excites me greatly, it means that it is really important, worthwhile, necessary. I shouldn't be worried in this situation, otherwise, failure will happen;

○ Every question has an answer, and I need to find the answer to the question, resolve the situation;

○ Need to work around complex and stressful events. Then my life will be good, right:

○ I shouldn't take problem situations seriously. Then I will not be upset;

○ Everything that was bad with me before has already ruined my life forever. I have to come to terms.

All people cannot treat me badly, meanly. They should not be arrogant, dishonest with me. It's terrible if they do that.

Ellis identified these irrational attitudes in his clients and believed that changing thoughts would have a pronounced effect in a short time. After all, changing thinking is easier than trying to change feelings. In addition, thoughts always find reinforcement in life situations. Therefore, by changing thoughts to more rational ones, it is possible to change both the world visible to a person and his actions.

To correct irrational attitudes, Ellis created a method that consists of several steps:

The first is to analyze the situations (A) that might have caused the persuasion. Can a person remember the details of the situation, the moments that led to negative feelings?

Then you can proceed to the analysis of feelings (C). What kind of negative emotions does a person have in these circumstances? What exactly are the consequences of this situation?

Further, the analysis of irrational attitudes (B). What exactly in this situation worries the client, causes him negative feelings? What thoughts disturb him, oppress him, provoke feelings of guilt and make him behave incorrectly: thoughts about himself, about other people in these events, about the situation itself? Do these ideas have irrational properties?

Checking thoughts for reasonableness. How is it possible to identify irrational attitudes? Is there any truth in the fact that a person, in the given circumstances, owes something to someone, or is it a belief invented by him? Is it true that the outcome of this situation is so dire or is it an exaggeration?

New formulation of the situation. What other, adequate way of thinking is appropriate for this event? The phrases "I can", "I want", "for me are better" are important here. This is probably the most important step in therapy, changing "I have to" to "I want to." Inferences that start with "I want" are often the most correct. Especially if a person reinforces his new rational beliefs with the words "I could." This will mean that the client's desires coincide with his capabilities. The next step is setting goals and implementing the plan.

List of actions. This is a very important step in therapy. It takes a person out of an unrealistic and uncontrollable vicious circle. Now, with new beliefs, a person can do what he wants. Control of his behavior is also assigned here. First, the therapist is in control. Or he transfers the right of control to people close to the client. In the future, a person learns to control and analyze his actions himself.

For example. A woman in her declining years suffers that her life is bad. She took care of children all her life. And having earned a fortune, she passed it on to her sons. Now they, she said, have forgotten about their mother.

Situation. The client lives in a mansion with a servant. The sons come, bring gifts and take an interest in her life. However, she loves to watch TV shows and has a plan to watch them. Children always come at the wrong time and prevent her from watching films. She has to be distracted. Because of this, she is convinced that they do not love her.

Emotions. She is upset that she is forced to be torn between communication with loved ones and favorite TV shows. After all, there is a viewing plan in which there are few free moments. And free time is spent on other things. And the woman is convinced: “When they come, I'm upset, I think they make me angry, they tear me away from watching and do it on purpose. That's why I feel so bad."

Irrational beliefs. "I have done so much for them that they are obliged to thank. They are obliged to love me and come to visit when I want. If they visit at the wrong time, they want to quickly leave me and leave me. That means they do not love me."

Verification of the reasonableness of beliefs. The sons, in reality, come often, but they do not know when she is not watching TV. And it is very difficult to fit into her schedule of watching TV shows. Does this mean that they do not love her? On the contrary, they love and appreciate her.

New interpretation of the situation. “I would be glad to see children more often, but that it would be consistent with my schedule of watching TV shows. I could inform them when I am free. In the meantime, it would be nice to discuss everything with them. To say that I love them, but TV shows are also important to me. I must tell them this, but so that they do not get offended."

Action planning. "Next time when they come, I will talk to the children. I will ask how I can send them a program guide so that they know when I am free. I will send them a TV show program, where I will mark free time convenient for a meeting. will come out and tell a psychologist about it."

Constant analysis of your thoughts and unpleasant sensations in everyday situations allows, over time, to correct your own irrational behavior. Rational-emotional therapy is very effective and can help people in a fairly short time. That is why she is so attracted to therapists.