“I Don’t Like My Name And I Want To Change It!” Is There Any Other Way Out?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once in school, in a psychology class, a teacher told us that the sweetest words for a person are his name, first name and patronymic. I looked at her not as a psychologist, but as a psycho. Because I hated my name. And from some of its forms I wanted either to disappear, or to turn inside out.

It seemed to me that the name "Elena" carries with it suffering and a terrible suffering scenario of life. I'm tired of suffering. At some point, I firmly decided to change the name and lived for some time with a different name, shocking some of my acquaintances. But it didn’t come to paperwork. It turned out that such drastic measures are not always needed, sometimes psychotherapy is enough.

So, what is the name and why do we not love our name in its entirety or some of its forms?

The situation can be viewed at different levels. Archetypal, cultural, generic, family, personal, numerological, etc.

The emotional message with which this name was pronounced by significant people can "stick" to some form of the name. For example, a mother or a teacher at school would call “Elena” or “Elena Vyacheslavovna” in a stern voice when she was to be beaten for some kind of oversight. And then, already in adulthood, you still want to fall through the earth when someone calls you a full name. And here is the way out: 1. Separate emotional associations from the name. 2. Grow up so that significant adults from the past have no more power over the person.

Some form of the name may seem "stupid" and "disgusting" (I could not stand the form "Lenchik"), because it is associated with certain qualities, traits, properties. And for some reason these qualities are not accepted, they cause rejection. They are not necessarily human. But he condemns them for some reason. And here is the way out: to look at what "hook" this rejection is clinging to and to deal with this hook.

The name could be given in honor of one of the relatives. Then, on the one hand, a person can "catch" the fate of this relative. On the other hand, some expectations may be imposed on a person in advance. If, for example, a woman calls her daughter the same as her mother's name, then she can expect from the child what she did not receive from her mother. And then the girl unconsciously really wants to get rid of this burden - and at the same time on behalf of herself, because the load "stuck" along with the name. The way out here: 1. Separate the name from the accompanying cargo so that it is “just the name of Lena”, and not “the name of Lena’s grandmother, who…”. 2. Grow up to choose your own destiny and not fall under the dominion of family figures.

A person can "grab" some meanings from the cultural or archetypal layer to the name. You can assign something pleasant or unpleasant from Elena the Beautiful, Elena the Wise, Elena the Great Martyr. You can grab something from songs, fairy tales, stories, anecdotes, stories and stick it to your name and to yourself. You can get into some kind of wave of the era and distort the name, endowing it with some unpleasant meaning (for example, "Lena" as "VI Lenin"). And here too: to look at what "hook" the meaning is attached to, and to get rid of the unnecessary, to accept and embed the rejected own.

Some of the additional meaning could have been given to the name by one of the parents, or given it “at a bad hour” (in some grave condition, broadcasting this condition along with the name).

Also, the name has its own meaning, its qualities and its tasks. On the Internet you can find many sites with a proposal to find out the "number of the name", "the meaning of the name in the Slavic alphabet", etc. Not all, but many of these interpretations have a foundation. And then, denying his name, a person denies some qualities and tasks, thereby giving up resources.

In some cases, a change of name can really bring a "change of fate" and contribute to a change in a person's state. However, it may turn out that deep-seated problems have remained unresolved and "faint".

Therapy can help clarify why name rejection is involved and unravel the tangle: appropriating resources and letting go or transforming unpleasant trailers. You can consider what meaning each of the unacceptable forms of the name carries, what qualities it gives, what tasks it sets or helps to decide what role it plays in life - and change the scenario.