MEN'S CHANGE

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In general, I immediately want to make a reservation that betrayal, whatever it may be, it always hurts! It hurts a man who has been cheated on by a woman he loves, it hurts a woman who has been cheated on by her lover. And yet, before continuing, I would like to make a reservation, what is treason, so that there are no questions about the definition. Cheating (or adultery) is a violation of fidelity, while fidelity is constancy in your feelings, in your attitude, in your obligations (that is, non-violation of obligations) to your partner. The boundaries of treason are strictly individual. Where for one girl, for example, the kiss of her beloved person with another will not be considered treason, then the other girl “just greeted an old friend” is already treason. In the context of this article, I will consider an act of a sexual nature to be cheating in relation to another girl, a woman who is not a regular partner (wife).

We often hear that female infidelity is not normal, it is not natural, but male infidelity is due to physiology, instincts and even evolution! And that a man's polygamy is natural and justified. Immediately I recall an example of supposedly Confucius about cups and a teapot (when tea is poured from one teapot into several cups - this is good, but when from several teapots into one cup it is bad and not right). And what do they hope for, what arguments in favor of promiscuity are given by my esteemed men:

Animal instincts. Let's get more details here! Yes, indeed, in the animal kingdom it is in the order of things for a male to "make love" with different females! The rooster "tramples" different chickens, the lion has its own pride, the male chimpanzee (leader, dominant) has all the females of the flock at his disposal. That is, it is fundamentally important for a strong alpha male to preserve his offspring, born of DIFFERENT females. This is the instinct for self-preservation of the species (the birth of offspring from the strongest "dad"). Here the men nod their heads in agreement.

But also in animal nature, incest relationships are the norm (sex with mom, sister, daughter). It is normal for females to eat the amniotic sac after the birth of offspring. It is normal to kill the enemy in the struggle for territory, for a female, for food. But what is the norm in animals is a trauma for humans! Killing another person, even when it is justified (in self-defense, when there is a threat to life) is a trauma. Incestuous relationships for a person are fraught with enormous psychological trauma, which must be treated with a long course of psychotherapy. And of course, after giving birth, a woman does not hide somewhere in the restroom to quietly eat …. In general, you get the idea …

And even if a man "leaped" this very instinct of self-preservation of the species, then he does not run to mate with his mother, sister, daughter (here he still remembers that he is a man, not an animal!), But goes to have sex with another a woman. Such a civilized instinct!

Of course, it's not about instincts! But in fact, statistics confirm that men cheat more often than women (more than 70% versus 20% for women). I'll make a reservation right away that the data from different sources are different, but the general trend is confirmed. Then how can this be explained? Why do men cheat more often?

Any betrayal is a retrauma for BOTH partners. And for the one who is being cheated, and for the one who cheated! And the original cause is the trauma of rejection. For boys, it is the trauma of rejection from a cold, rigid mother. For a girl, it is a trauma from a detached father. And the already rejected, later, in adult life, becomes either the rejecting (cheater) himself and, thus, "works out" his trauma, or continues to endure the trauma of rejection (becomes the one who is being changed). These are different forms of reaction to trauma. That is why betrayal is so painful, that is why there are so many tears, pain, misunderstanding. These feelings come from childhood, and not at all because of betrayal, which in fact is only a trigger of trauma. And the trauma is equally present in the cheater and in the partner who has been cheated on. Returning to the question of why men cheat more often - because boys (this is no secret) have a weaker psyche than girls. Therefore, in men and more often there are various variants of perversion than in women. How often have you heard that a girl is a voyeur? Or a fetishist? Or a rapist? Have you ever suffered from pedophilia? The percentage of such deviations in women is extremely small. In boys, the psyche is more susceptible, vulnerable, which is why the lion's share of deviations falls on the male sex. Accordingly, men cheat more often.

And if in a married couple, outwardly prosperous and happy before, there was a betrayal, this is not a reason for divorce. You can save the marriage, turn to a family psychologist and work together, live through the trauma of rejection to the end. This therapy is necessary for both the spouse and the spouse. Knowing WHAT is cheating will help you to partially cope with the pain and feelings of betrayal. Happy relationship after infidelity is POSSIBLE!