2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A man and a woman, it would seem, are the same and at the same time completely different. We equally want to be loved, we suffer and cry when we are hurt, experience betrayal and betrayal, get angry, offended, feel happiness and pleasure, want to have our soul mate completely and completely, show selfishness in relationships and, by and large, love most of all myself
Loving yourself is a normal natural state, whether it be a man or a woman. It will take care of itself at different psychophysiological levels, an innate mechanism laid down by nature.
What do we do when we are hungry or thirsty?
We instinctively satisfy the need, sometimes without even thinking, we just take and get what we want. Why deliberately analyze the quenching of the thirst that has arisen with a glass of greedily drunk water, it goes without saying, it is natural and not at all surprising. I am thirsty, I drink.
Why all these explanations, and so clear and simple truths, but in order to show that a person is an egocentric being, in the center of his universe, living space, regardless of gender, social status, race, he is himself. Whatever happens to a person, any actions, situations, emotional messages, all this has the main and only primary source "I": "I want, I will, I know, I can …". Another question is how well we know and understand ourselves, our desires, needs and ways to achieve them, to satisfy them.
For example, in life there is often a situation of unjustified expectations and sacrifice in relationships.
“I put my career, youth, opportunities on the altar of family life, sacrificed my interests for the sake of the family (husband / wife, child), I do not need anything, I live for them, for them, I live them….” You can often hear this kind of statements from both women and men.
And what is true of such a sacrifice, why do We bring it, what do we want in return, for ourselves?
Making such a sacrifice, sacrificing ourselves by and large, We are BENEFITS, We are waiting for gratitude in return, approval, we are waiting for recognition and, of course, a reciprocal “sacrifice”. We comfort our Ego, with our goodness, need, because without us the world of other people who are so dependent on us will simply fall apart.
Only now, do We recognize this side of ourselves?
And how painful and offensive it is when they do not understand, do not thank and do not appreciate, but simply take it for granted. And here the reverse mechanism works. We become a victim of our own victim, sorry for the tautology. The feeling of dissatisfaction has a powerful destructive force, and at the same time acts as an engine for changes and the search for this very inner satisfaction.
Let us return to the psychophysiological mechanism for satisfying natural needs, which is activated together with the moment of the appearance of this very need, if I want to drink, I go and drink. A similar pattern works in interpersonal relationships. I want to take care (to be needed) - I go to cook dinner, clean up, wait at the window, worry, I and only I want it, but what the other person wants and waits for I don't know, I have no idea and I can't have, get into the head of another physically not possible. Perhaps he is already full, or angry, or tired, and then a situation of unjustified expectations, mismatch of interests and, as a result, a feeling of inner dissatisfaction arises.
But in fact, on the surface of our consciousness, there may not be an understanding of what is happening to us at the moment, the mood simply deteriorated, irritation appeared and a chain reaction of interpersonal exchange of dissatisfaction started.
The salt of such a relationship is in the intense imposition of one's "Good" on another, self-realization and satisfaction of one's needs at the expense of another individual, the actual rape with good intentions. And what a person does in response to any form of violence is right, Resists!
If a mother has an obsessive inner desire to be an “ideal mother,” the only possible reality is to realize her desire through her beloved child, and then a counter question arises: what should the child do with all this love, how to cope with maternal overprotection, overfeeding, excessive anxiety.
For a man-woman situation, you can describe many scenarios of such relationships, which develop into battle showdowns whose Ego is cooler, and most importantly, everything is for the good of these very relationships.
After all, it’s so difficult to allow a person to be just himself, to have his natural right to be weak, tired, happy, angry, to have other interests, tastes … …
After all, it is so difficult to learn to BE YOURSELF, not through others, but within yourself to find the resource of your Self, learn to read your desires and needs, learn to accept them in yourself. Be yourself without dissolving into others.
And if you try it, you might even succeed!
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