Can You Continue To Enjoy Life When Your Beloved Cat Dies?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You've probably noticed that there are few joyful people around. Laughing, smiling, with rays of happiness in their eyes. More often you can see a person with a displeased expression on their face. It turns out that most of us are more accustomed to experiencing anxiety, irritation, sadness … Why is this happening? Because since childhood, we have captured the tired, dissatisfied faces of our parents. They rarely smiled, even less often laughed. It seemed that life for them was an unbearable burden. When we were joyful children, we met the displeased look of our parents. And sometimes an outright prohibition: "Do not laugh, you will cry" or "Laughter for no reason is a sign of foolishness." Parents found a logical explanation for the ban on joy: you jinx the good things about which you rejoice, create anxiety for others, someone gets sick, someone does not go well, you cannot rejoice when another is bad. Or: “good children behave quietly, you cannot shout and laugh loudly,” and so on. The child obeys parental prohibitions unquestioningly, not figuring out where is the truth and where is the lie. Over time, growing up, he continues to believe that it is impossible to JOY. Thus, parental directives learned well in childhood are prohibited from joy. How can you learn to pay attention to the joyful moments in your life, fully living them? Practical example. The consent of the client, let's call her Aglaya, has been received for publication. The work with this case took place in a weekly therapy group - a mini constellation was used. Aglaya: - I have been worried about one situation for many years. I would like to take it apart today in a group. I was ten years old, I was at a party with my friends, and at that time my beloved cat Ryzhik died. He was sick, and I knew that the cat was dying, but instead of staying with him, I went to have fun. At the holiday, I rejoiced, laughed, danced, ate delicious food, and completely forgot about my cat. When I returned, it turned out that Ryzhik had died. Mom said: “The cat went around the whole apartment, looking for you. And you betrayed your friend, exchanged for entertainment. " Since then, my mother every time, especially in the presence of other people, at holidays, told this story, and I burst into tears. Now I want to ask my Ryzhik for forgiveness. Aglaya chose deputies for the roles: ten-year-old Aglaya, Ryzhik and mother. Ten-year-old Aglaya:

- Ryzhik, you were the only one in my childhood who loved me, played with me, could caress me, you were my closest friend. I rolled you around in a baby carriage and dressed you up in clothes made of paper. You ran away for a walk and returned without "clothes", often scratched, but happy. I feel tremendous guilt towards you, because I was not there at the time of your death. I was having fun while you were dying. Cat Ginger:

- Aglaya, I felt very good with you, you loved me and took care of me. It's just my time to die. I went around the whole apartment, saying goodbye to the place where I lived. Most importantly, I wanted to make sure you weren't at home. I wanted to die quietly and alone, so as not to upset my lovely mistress. I am very glad that you were at the party and had a good time there. I would really like you to be more happy, at least in memory of me. The girl hugged her Ginger. Mother:

- I always told you that after joy comes trouble, because I wanted you to be quiet and obedient. With a girl like that, it's less of a hassle. I was jealous when you were joyful, your eyes burned. As a child, I myself was forbidden to rejoice. I was very angry with my mother and was afraid of her, but I could not show my feelings. I began to transfer my anger towards my mother to you. It gave me pleasure to see you suffer from this “feline” memory every time. I appeal to Aglaya: - Biological parents can only be yours mom and dad, educators are different people. Now you - as an adult - can be an educator in relation to your little one. And give the child what he lacked from the educators - the parents. I suggest you talk to ten-year-old Aglaya from her Adult state and give her permission to rejoice. Adult Aglaya, addressing the little one:

- There have always been few holidays in your life. At first, your mother forbade you to rejoice, and then you began to do it yourself, punishing yourself for Ryzhik's death. But, there is no connection between your joy and the death of your beloved cat. If you were not happy, but suffered, he would have died anyway. As a child, you depended on your mother, you were forced to live by her rules. You gave up joy because it made it easier for you to survive. Now I am an adult. I sincerely love and care about you. I allow you to JOY. Ten-year-old Aglaya happily nodded her head in agreement with the Adult's permission. So how do you learn to enjoy life? This will not happen overnight. And this is important to understand and accept. One of the options for returning joy is revising parental directives, allowing yourself to be happy. And then, constant support of the new behavior, reminding yourself again and again: "You can rejoice!" What parents could not give, we can give ourselves!