Parted With A Loved One. Correcting Our Mistakes

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Probably every person had a love tragedy like "parted with a loved one." If your love relationship is over forever, it means that either you did not meet the expectations of your partner, or your partner - your own expectations. But in any case, in the occurrence of this situation there is your direct fault: either you have not been able to change for the better, or you have found yourself a deliberately unsuccessful partner. Based on my experience as a practical family psychologist, I usually see the following typical mistakes in starting a love relationship.

Typical mistakes of starting a love relationship:

Most men and women, starting a love relationship, want to get something from them, they definitely expect to improve, and not worsen, their lives. However, with this:

- Lovers do not try to soberly assess the current and possible future educational, social and material status of their partner, his (her) qualities as a master, sexual partner, future parent, are uncritical about his (her) bad habits, information about some problems in partner's past.

- Lovers completely rely on their love, as if Cupid is some kind of never erroneous guide to personal Happiness. They believe that having started to make friends, the partners seem to get on some kind of magic train, which is guaranteed to take them directly to the registry office.

- Lovers do not understand well that relationships that do not lead to the formation of a family within three years usually end. And most often with tears and mutual grievances. Sometimes, poorly concealed hatred …

- Lovers do not bother planning their relationship. For a long time they do not set specific tasks and goals, they “just communicate”.

- Lovers often do not admit the thought that a given relationship can end in a continuous streak of resentment, a serious quarrel, betrayal, a breakdown in relations and a lifetime of resentment against each other.

- Lovers either do not set specific dates at all for turning their love relationships into family relationships, or they do it “silently”, without communicating their dreams and hopes to their partner. At the same time, most of the time lines are very blurred: "Someday later we will definitely get married …".

- Lovers naively think that their partner sees the world in the same way as they themselves, endow him (her) with a similar thinking, especially love-family. As a result, many people mistake their personal decisions for joint ones. When it turns out that the partner has different views on life, resentments arise: “How could he (a) do that ?! I was hoping, but it turned out …”.

- If the partner is more adult (oh), lovers rely on his (her) life experience in everything. As a result, the younger ones first voluntarily become "hostages" of their partners, then (as disappointment accumulates) they begin to claim that they have "outgrown" them and are no longer satisfied with the level of rationality of their behavior.

- Lovers tend to see in many of their partner's actions some kind of hidden meaning and transparent hints of what they themselves dream about. A simple joint vacation trip turns into an invitation to marriage, and meeting your parents turns into an official confirmation of you as a potential groom. Then grievances begin for not understanding completely transparent hints of a long-awaited wedding or for the fact that, allegedly, “someone got scared of something and began to give back …”.

- Lovers are guided by the examples of other couples, forgetting that the analogy method in love almost does not work. The discrepancies between the various couples are so great that aligning with someone else's experience usually ends in sadness.

- Lovers mistakenly believe that love can help them easily cope with the alteration of the character of another person, contribute to his (her) complete "fit for himself." (This, of course, is actually the case, but only during the first months of friendship. If you did not manage to "remake" your partner during this time, blame yourself).

- Lovers do not try to be sober in assessing the behavior of their partner. Their conclusions are usually not objective and extremely categorical: a partner or "an amazingly wonderful person", "very special", or immediately "a rare beast" and "an ungrateful animal …".

- Lovers do not have a clear idea of what kind of character traits and behavior they would like to see in their partner. They have absolutely no image of an “ideal partner”. Everything is limited to the most general thoughts that "if only a person was good …".

- Lovers do not know the goals of their partner's life, do not know their own, do not know how to relate them to each other.

- Lovers rarely try to converge their views on life during the first months of communication. "Coordination" begins to occur much later, when the optimizing love program is no longer working and the ability to "mutually adjust" is greatly reduced. As a result, finding out the partner's position on certain issues simply becomes another proof of how badly everyone was wrong: people really are not on the way …

This list includes only the most basic of the typical mistakes of starting a love relationship. You may have already recognized yourself …

Unfortunately, too many lovers do not understand the essence and meaning of love. They think that it will be forever, and therefore they are unable to properly manage the time that they have at their disposal. Instead of cashing out the love bill that fell into their hands as soon as possible, they put it in a secluded place, and after two or three years, they are horrified to learn that the Amur Bank indicated in it has recently been revoked and has ceased to fulfill its obligations … and the next thing to happen Broke up with your beloved

When the time of crisis comes, partners recognize their relationship as “hopeless”. They begin to accuse the one whom they loved yesterday for the fact that this person openly disappointed them and did not live up to the expectations placed on him (her). But, for the sake of objectivity, we must admit: “He (a) and should not (on) have (a) justify them! Should not (on), if only simply because at the very beginning of the relationship, no one asked or demanded anything from him (her)! All expectations were originally only "by default"! They lived exclusively in the minds of someone who wanted something. And even then, up to a certain point, all these expectations were not isolated from each other, but remained in a stuck together and sleepy state in one large cocoon called "love hope" …

The main reason for the crisis in love relationships lies in the conflict of unfulfilled love expectations of partners.

The conflict of unfulfilled expectations consists in the fact that one of the partners (or both at once) failed to satisfy certain requests of the other party, could not justify the love expectations placed on him (her), did not confirm the availability of the required qualities during of that time, for which the partner had enough patience, which led to parting with a loved one

The following should be considered the usual love expectations: one of the partners should create more comfortable living conditions (material and social) for the other partner, enter into an official marriage with him, further put his health, material and mental well-being (as well as the life and health of joint children) is higher than its own.

The very fact that someone did not live up to someone's love expectations does not mean that this person really could not or did not want to do it. Most often, he (a) either did not know what expectations were placed on him (her), or did not have a clear idea of the time he (a) had for this.

Broke up with a loved one - Five common conflict factors of unfulfilled expectations:

💡 Factor 1. Partners set for themselves such goals and deadlines that are justified very arbitrarily, or not at all.

💡 Factor 2. Lovers are guided by such goals and terms, which are taken by analogy: from TV series, TV shows, articles of popular magazines, stories from parents, examples from the lives of girlfriends and friends. However, the legitimacy of applying analogies to these relations is also not substantiated by anything.

💡 Factor 3. Lovers almost never inform their loved ones about their goals in the relationship, and the time they mentally give them to justify their own expectations (especially the expectation of getting married or getting married). Your friend or girlfriend will only find out about this when you shout in frustrated feelings: “I was a fool (fool) hoping that after we had an apartment (joint rest, meeting parents, returning from the army, graduating from universities and etc.) nothing will stop us from starting a family and starting to live like everyone else! And you are all cheating and tightening … Well, okay! Well, live as you know, and I'm leaving !!! ".

💡 Factor 4. Lovers do not try to agree on a time frame (time frame) to justify mutual expectations through a normal "negotiation process". At first they are very ashamed, then they immediately become very insulting for the time lost … Both extremes are equally destructive for a relationship.

💡 Factor 5. Lovers tend to think of something for their partner. They put a hidden meaning in those actions and statements that in fact "did not mean anything like that."

If we “expand” this list, we get the very “ten aggravating circumstances of the onset of a crisis in love relationships”, the impact of which you have probably already experienced in your past relationships …

Broke up with a loved one - Twenty-five main unfulfilled love expectations:

💡 Have you dreamed of meeting someone who really needs you …

Instead, your partner treats you very rudely, constantly emphasizes his independence, hints that "only you need this relationship", demonstrates a disregard for the prospects for their development. During your quarrels, it is you who are most often the initiator of reconciliation. All offers to go to the cinema, take a walk on the embankment, dance in a disco, visit friends come exclusively from you. After some time, you come to an unambiguous conclusion: this person is clearly not your option! As a result, you broke up with your beloved

💡 You wanted your loved one to spend more time with you

This conflict of unmet expectations has two options.

Option number 1. Global.

Your partner always has some difficulties (work in business, illness, financial crisis, criminal prosecution, the need for long business trips, studying or serving in another city, just an acute lack of time due to the fact that he (s) busy (a) with some kind of creativity, scientific or socio-political activities, communication with friends or girlfriends, etc.), because of which you see much less than you want … But he (she) is satisfied with everything … Except, perhaps, your desire to see each other almost daily! As a result, you broke up with your beloved

Option number 2. Domestic.

Recently, you are less and less taken with you when shopping or going out to visit someone. You walk less in the evenings, almost stopped going to the movies and ice cream parlors. They just started to communicate a little with you. You seem to be close, but not together. Watching a TV show or chatting with someone on the phone has clearly become more interesting for your partner than having a live conversation with you. All questions about what's new in life are answered with the stereotypical "normal" or "let's figure it out." It was quite an outrageous fact that in response to your phone call and the message that you suddenly felt unwell, you were simply advised to take aspirin and go to bed. And just six months ago, a person was ready to drop everything and come immediately … This, in your opinion, should not be. Is it possible to have joint children with someone who cannot take care of you even now?

💡 You were hoping to retain some personal freedom

Instead, your partner becomes more and more unreasonable jealousy and outright frenzied. You are not guilty of anything, but, after some time after meeting, you obviously began to "cut off the oxygen". You are required to sit at home as often as possible, not go to the cinema or cafe with your usual company, in no case stay after work, not be nice on the phone, not write SMS, not go to alumni meetings, not wear bright clothes, not visit the gym, pool, etc. You try to find out what the matter is, prove that the suspicions are groundless, and in response they shout to you that “all women (men) are the same”, that “no matter how long you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest”, etc. Or they simply refuse to talk and remain proudly silent. You begin to understand that you are not loved, but simply considered your thing. It doesn't suit you.

💡 You only wanted an equal relationship with your loved one

Instead, after a while, you felt that the once loudly announced "equal, partnerships built on the basis of mutual respect" were clearly in the past. Your partner is always trying to show who is the boss. You may be rudely scolded or even hit. You absolutely cannot do what your partner can do. Nobody cares about your opinion. In general, you are a "second class" person, you are openly pushed around, turned into a servant. This state of affairs does not suit you. Everything should be different. For example, as it was in the family of your parents … as a result, you broke up with your beloved

💡 You planned to be friends with your partner and not with his (her) mom

Instead, to your regret, you feel that your relationship is "ruled" by your spouse's parents. Of course, you knew that your boyfriend or girlfriend has always been under a lot of influence from your parents, but you didn't know how noticeable it would be. For a while, you naively hoped that it would pass over time. However, over time, the situation began to deteriorate and worsen. Direct interference in your internal affairs of members of his (her) family once turns into a real "armed conflict" as a result of breaking up with a loved one

💡 You wanted your partner to befriend your family and friends

Instead, the partner was never able to establish normal relations with either your parents, or your siblings, uncles-aunts. And from your friends her (him) is just sick (as well as you from his (her) own).

💡 You hoped your partner would be a good parent

There can be two options:

Option 1. You expected that he (a) wants to have children.

Instead, your partner states that your couple is either too young or too old for this, or material issues have not yet been resolved (no apartment, car, etc.). The most egregious situation is when a girl informs a guy that as a result she broke up with her beloved, she became pregnant, and he sends her for an abortion. Or when a guy asks his girlfriend what she will do if he is "flying in", and the girl frankly declares that she will get rid of the child.

Option 2. You thought your partner would get along with your children from a previous marriage (other relationship).

Instead, you see your partner's clear reluctance to interact with your children. He (a) or generally refuses to communicate with them, or dryly greets them. He (a) never offers to help with care, it does not occur to him (her) to ever come to you with a toy, chocolate or apple …

This is a serious problem that causes constant clashes and resentments. Your children obviously need a completely different dad or a different mom … Broke up with your beloved

💡 You have been fed with promises to divorce for too long …

You have been friends for over a year (two, three, etc.), but instead of divorcing your wife or leaving your husband, you continue to be fed with promises of divorce. Your married friend or married girlfriend all the time complains about how bad he (she) is in the current family and how he (she) "got enough", but every evening at exactly 10 o'clock rushes home. You give your attention and care without a trace, time passes, but the situation does not change at all. It suits him (her), you - no. You understand that another year or two, and you will no longer be needed by anyone. Frankly tired of waiting. It's time to make a fundamental decision … Broke up with your beloved

💡 Your partner for some reason does not make you a wedding proposal

You expected to get married (get married) after two or three years of friendship. Best of all, immediately after graduating from the fifth year of university. (Options: after graduating from graduate school, after buying your own apartment, after receiving a more or less decent position, after the salary of one of the partners reaches a certain size, etc.). A joint vacation at the resort has confirmed your cherished dreams. You were very happy about the shift in the right direction, but time passes, and nothing still happens …

Instead of dispelling all your doubts and making you an offer, your completely unmarried partner for some reason is in no hurry to formalize the relationship in the registry office. You came out to a humiliating conversation for you that “that the years are passing, there is nothing more to wait, it’s enough to pull the cat by the tail, etc.”. They listened to you and offered to live a year or two in a civil marriage. Although you really do not want to start all over again and go through the same with another person, the likelihood of such a painful decision becomes more and more every month …

Keep in mind: Waiting in vain for a wedding proposal is the most important failure of girls!

💡 You hoped to improve your financial situation

You expected that getting to know this person would lead to dramatic changes in your life. However, instead of helping you change your wardrobe, donating an expensive mobile phone, "stuffing" you into a prestigious university, arranging employment for you, offering to move to live with him (her) in an apartment, your partner, richer than you, uses you only as a beautiful a mannequin sitting in his (her) expensive car. They take you with them to clubs and restaurants, but do not give you pocket money. Instead of helping you rent an apartment or starting a conversation about a joint mortgage, just moving to your place, your partner is limited to giving you a set of dishes, a TV and pays for the phone. In general, his (her) money is always there, but they have absolutely nothing to do with you …

💡 You expected to get into a higher social stratum

Starting a relationship, you expected that your partner would be able to bring you “into the people”, that is, to the higher social strata of society, and help you grow up the career ladder. However, for some reason this did not happen. A person meets you, gets what he (she) wants, but, in the end, he (a) lives his own life, and you just sit in your "social swamp" … All this is dishonest and extremely insulting! It feels like he (a) is ashamed of your not entirely noble origin … as a result, you broke up with your beloved

💡 Your partner should be a successful person, not a failure

Instead, you state that your partner shows himself to be a complete failure (s) in life. He (a) cannot graduate from the university in any way, does not find a well-paid job, constantly conflicts with the leadership. He (she) always has some difficulties and problems, "hands are growing out of the wrong place." You are terribly annoyed by the constant lack of money. Is it possible to build a joint future with such a person?

💡 Your partner has a very different personality than you thought

This missed expectation has many options. Let's name the three most common.

Option number 1. Your partner turned out to be a couch potato, but you want movement.

Once you thought that your partner was a person with character, a real "tough" man or a punchy and energetic woman. However, everyday situations show the complete cowardice and lethargy of the person you have chosen. Instead of being active, the partner prefers to sit on the couch and watch TV shows. You need to go to the hospital in the morning, and your partner doesn't even think of taking you there by car, or even just being around. After study or work, you can go to the cinema or at least take a walk, and he (a) is in a hurry to his apartment. You want action, movement, you dream of traveling the whole world, and he (a) just sleeps … Well, what of such a person will happen next?

Option number 2. You want peace, but you are constantly being driven somewhere.

This is the same as a little above, only with the exact opposite. Instead of sitting at home and eating something tasty, your partner forces you to go to clubs and museums, visit theaters and clubs, walk along the promenade and park, go to the mountains and ski. How tired of all this!

Option number 3. Your moral values turned out to be incompatible.

After the disconnected love program removed rose-colored glasses from your eyes, you clearly understood: it is almost impossible to coordinate your life guidelines and acquire those moral values that you did not share before, but which your loved one is guided by! He is a bandit, a drug addict, a bribe-taker and sooner or later it will end badly. And you are just a person who dreams of happiness and a stable life. None of you wants to "break your pride over your knee", suffer from remorse and calmly look at something that has always caused sincere irritation … In general, you obviously do not understand each other and do not want to understand!

This also includes gradually emerging bad inclinations (drunkenness, drugs, criminal and sadistic habits, a tendency to constant adultery, complete inability to do housework, earn money, take care of children, etc.),

💡 You wanted your loved one not to have bad habits

Instead, after some time, you will find out with horror that your partner is clearly drunk, uses drugs, a gambling addict (plays cards, roulette), because of this there is a risk of AIDS or hepatitis). Unfortunately, this is more and more common in our harsh days …

For a while you struggle with this scourge, but then you come to the understanding that the person is incorrigible. The drama of the situation lies in the fact that your loved one is not aware of the tragedy of what happened. As a rule, a drunkard never considers himself a drunkard, but only "sometimes a drinker", a drug addict or gambling addict usually does not notice their degradation.

💡 You are not going to spend your life in his (her) hospital bed

One day you find out that your partner is seriously (terminally) ill, or he / she has a serious accident and becomes crippled. It is sad and very painful, but your partner is a real disabled person. The romanticism of the first meetings is long gone, you have no common children and material obligations. You are not going to spend your life in his (her) hospital bed and you start to come in less and less often. The partner understands all this and only smiles at you sadly …

💡 You do not like it when they lie to you

Instead of building your relationship on mutual trust, they lie to you all the time, or, at least, do not say anything. You have been communicating for a long time, and you have not yet learned to understand where the truth is, and where is the next deception. You still don't know what your partner is doing or what his previous life path was. You have the unpleasant feeling that you are walking through life blindfolded …

You don't want to deal with crime

Instead, you become aware that you did not know everything about your loved one. He (a) was once "imprisoned" for this or that crime, or even is on the federal wanted list. He (a) periodically communicates with his criminal friends from the past, goes to the shooters. Perhaps he (she) can be drawn into something … The prospect of wearing transmissions all his life or shuddering from a knock on the door at night does not suit you at all.

💡 You want to be the sole owner of this person

Instead, you will gradually learn a lot about your partner that is not entirely pleasant. Your partner had a confusing personal past. It turns out that he (a) was once married (married), and then simply “lost” his old passport with an “extra” stamp. He once lived with another woman for many years, he has a deeply conspiratorial child with whom he maintains a relationship. He (a) continues to secretly meet with his past girlfriend or boyfriend, still loves her (him), calls you by a different name in a dream … You understand that it is almost impossible to do anything with this. As a result, you broke up with your beloved

💡 You are tired of your partner being jealous of everyone

Instead of cherishing you, your boyfriend is constantly flirting with members of the opposite sex, or your girlfriend flirts with everyone she meets and easily agrees with someone to drink or dance. You have every reason to suspect that sometimes all this is not limited to dancing and exchanging phones. All conversations on this topic end with vows that "all this happened for the last time and will not happen again." But they are not being fulfilled yet again. Well, and how long to wait for his (her) correction?

In general, you are tired of the image of the cuckold (itza). It's time to throw off the pretty heavy horns. And along with this relationship … as a result, they parted with their beloved

💡 Sex life with a partner is not satisfying at all

You have never been able to customize your sex life the way you wanted. Your partner either instantly falls asleep after one time, or requires you to display such a violent sexual fantasy that you will not find even in erotic thrillers. You are tired of suffering from sexual hunger or satiety. You are tired of curbing your sexual appetites. You understand: you only need someone who will arrange you in bed in the best way! And that's it!

💡 In the course of the relationship, your life values and aspirations have fundamentally changed, so they came into conflict with the values and aspirations of your partner

For example, she decided to make a career and for this she needed to study in another city for five years, but he could not stand it. Or he quit his job at school and went into business, drastically changing his social circle and style of behavior, and she, being a typical "budget woman", did not manage to adapt to this. And here's another: Over the years, he more and more went into science or into his creative microcosm of advertising and art, and she was an earthly woman and wanted her friend (husband) to be only with her every evening. Or next to a wealthy man who was in no hurry to get married, she graduated from university, went to work, started earning good money and she just wanted to become the master of her life, and not always be a "baby" and an "errand girl" for an older man who I "missed" the very moment of unexpected growing up.

💡 One of the partners could not forgive another of the past and tortured him with endless nagging and resentment

This happens when someone and partners turns out to be too frank and in a fit of trust there is too much story about yourself (including about your past love relationships, abortions, crimes, etc.). And the other did not have the tact not to remind about it at every opportunity (usually during quarrels).

💡 In the process of a relationship, someone has gone too deep into their inner world

Usually - this is a frank "withdrawal" on the basis of age-related, stressful (after the war, death of loved ones, etc.), or mental disorders caused by diseases (an encephalitis tick bitten, your loved one had meningitis, it became clear that he was a schizophrenic, psychopath, etc.

💡 In the course of a love relationship, your partner began to age too quickly

This is true for couples where the age difference is very large, and the older parterre does not make much effort to approach the registry office in good shape.

💡 In the course of a love relationship, your partner's appearance has deteriorated greatly

In this case, we are talking about situations when one of the partners has lost its "presentation" not at all due to age and illness, but has grown too fat, changed the style of clothing to less presentable (for example, was carried away by some adolescent subculture), stopped (a) take care of yourself and fashion. At first you felt embarrassed to appear with him (her) in society, then you stopped pulling sexually, then there was nothing to talk about …

Among all the variety of conflicts, expectations that have not been met are only the most common. In addition, I ask you not to forget about one more "little thing": Not only you have the right to demand something from your loved one! In the eyes of your partner, you are also the source and "carrier" of certain unfulfilled expectations. Therefore, while reading the list I have given, do not forget to try on something for yourself …

If you still haven't found your reason in this list, try to find it yourself. Become a psychoanalyst for at least a couple of days, or play "the pathologist of your love." Do you know what is written in the morgues? "Here death helps life!" And it is right. Because, without analyzing the mistakes of the past, you, with a very high degree of probability, will commit them again and again. Your love had a beginning, a happy course of her life and a tragic death. Your memory of past relationships is nothing more than a "corpse" of your love. And this "corpse of love" now must be dissected. And if you wish yourself "happiness in your personal life", then you do not need to pinch your nose. You need to find the cause of the very disease that ruined your love relationship. And, having found her, - to go on with a smarter and more sophisticated life.

A FEW SPECIFIC TIPS, in order not to get such a result, broke up with your beloved:

➡ First. Never make friends "just like that"!

Remember: Lack of a clear understanding of why you need this relationship always leads to a conflict of unfulfilled expectations, a crisis and a breakup. Therefore, no longer try to rely on old Cupid: having shot at you, he turns his back on you and aims at someone else …

Do not rely on the fact that your older partner knows exactly what he (s) is doing: both those who are over thirty, and those who are over forty and those who are over fifty can live with illusions and make mistakes …

Do not think that the younger age of your partner will make you the master of the situation in this relationship: people grow up most quickly in the framework of long-term love relationships with older partners. After a year of meetings, your mental and volitional superiority is guaranteed to remain in the past … Remember:

Having started dating "just like that", you can

It is “so easy” to erase a couple more years from your life.

Cherish your time, be more purposeful in your love.

➡ Second. Make your love hopes more specific.

The main task of starting a relationship should be to concretize your love hopes, to form an amorphous “love hope” into clear criteria and requirements for a partner. Therefore, try to create a complete image of who you expect to fall in love with and who should fall in love with you. Formulate your love expectations, turn them into clear requirements, draw an image of your desired partner. Determine the criteria that should be met by your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, wife, father or mother of your child. Then put the grid of requirements you created on the very real person with whom Fate brought you together.

➡ Third. Figure out each other's love positions.

Having decided what you would like to get out of your relationship yourself, be sure to find out the position of your loved one. Do it out loud! Remember: nothing should happen "by default" in a love relationship! Your partner is not psychic! He (she), most likely, does not have a melofon either. Therefore, he (a) is not obliged (a) to guess what is on your mind. And you still will not be able to “think out” correctly for him (her) …

Therefore, immediately after a clear plan for the development of relations has appeared in your mind, and you have decided what qualities you would like to see in the one who is next to you, be sure to share all this with your partner. Voice your demands and claims in a kind of staged, framework conversation about intentions! Share them with your couple. This is the only way to avoid the following three problems:

- You will not associate your own solutions with those of your partner. As a result, you will not be offended by him (her) for not being able to read your thoughts and understand hints.

- The partner will be able to measure their actions and their behavior with the framework you set for him (her). The number of quarrels will immediately decrease.

- Your relationship will be given a certain perspective. You and your partner can always match what you have with what you want. This way, you will be able to identify deviations from the course in a timely manner and take the necessary measures. At the very least, you can end this relationship without wasting an extra year or two. Agree, this is also important … given to him9) behavior. to him (her) for the fact that he (by the decisions of his partner. after the salary of one of the partners

Having voiced your expectations the first time, do it periodically in the following time! Otherwise, new "inconsistencies" may start again in your country, which will lead to subsequent crises.

➡ Fifth. Be objective and self-critical!

Keep in mind: The conflict of unfulfilled expectations is always bilateral and reciprocal. You should not always "make extreme" only your partner! Learn to be objective (oh) and self-critical (oh)! Be sure to test your own behavior against the list of the twenty-five major missed expectations listed in chapter. Look in the mirror of criticism and self-criticism. Don't delay it! The sandy trickle of the time of your relationship is already pouring from the top of the hourglass of love into the bottom. It is almost impossible to turn this clock over …

➡ Sixth. Justify each other's expectations on the "bash for bash" principle.

If you managed to correctly understand mutual expectations, and your conversation with your partner only confirmed this, you only have one thing to do - to justify them. So make excuses! Change your behavior, adjust your life goals, adjust your plans to those of your partner, learn to be more flexible and pragmatic. Follow a simple rule:

It is best to justify love and family expectations on the "bash for bash" principle.

You fix one thing - your partner is another. All this is done at the same time. He starts calling you more often, and you go on a diet. She agrees to walk more often, and you stop drinking beer all the time. He helps you to go shopping, and you walk his dog with him. He (a) celebrates the New Year with you, and you begin to communicate normally with his (her) parents. Etc…

➡ Seventh. If your new love relationship does not build right away, break up on time. Practice shows that if partners could not fit into each other in the first months of friendship, a miracle will not happen: no matter how long these relationships last, they will not lead to a happy family life.

If your analysis of your own and others' expectations leads you to the idea that you are completely different people and none of you "on principle" wants to "adjust" to your partner, perhaps you should leave …

It is best to do it on time! Otherwise, a year or two will be lost again …

In love, as in school, fools and ignoramuses are forced

becomes "repeaters" and again and again wasting time

life in another hopeless love relationship.

After reading this pack, become lovingly smarter, move on to the next life class and go through the entire love and family program in due time. Otherwise, you will turn into an exhibit "how to live it is impossible", those who will learn from your mistakes will start pointing their fingers at you. Do you need this?

Remark:

Love expectations are the food of love. Love lives on them, feeds on them and, refusing them, dies. As soon as the hope of being together fades away, the relationship between partners changes in the most radical way. All mutual tolerance and self-restraint in communication with other members of the opposite sex instantly disappears. Former lovers are increasingly starting to go about their business and get bored when they meet. Partners begin to openly "make friends", look forward to new "more promising" acquaintances. The fire of love in their eyes goes out … They look at each other a little guiltily, or vice versa, aggressively. Another month or two and everything dies … Probably, you have already gone through this …

Love expectations are the air of love. Like real air, they are not felt when they are and they are being performed. But as soon as they disappear, a crisis of love relationships immediately begins …

There is only one way out: it is necessary to build joint plans all the time and make sure that at least the main part of them is fulfilled. Only this will help you avoid a conflict of unfulfilled expectations, will not allow you to drive the accelerated train of your relationship into a dead end of a love crisis. No other way!