2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am an idealist by nature. Maybe it's still a youthful crisis that reminds me of myself, or maybe it's more convenient for me, or … However, it doesn't matter why it is so, it is important for me that I enter into relationships with this idealistic idea and build them.
But that's not bad either. After all, as Viktor Frankl said in his famous speech in 1972: “If we consider a person as he is, we only make him worse. But if we overestimate him … If we want to seem idealistic and overestimate him and look at him higher … Do you know what's going on? We help him to be who he really can be … Therefore, in a sense, we have to be idealists, because in the end we turn out to be real realists …”.
But … As you know, there are no rules without exceptions … And how sad it is, but this universal tool in revealing the most beautiful sides of a person can also fail …
And this is not about the fact that the person did not live up to expectations, or disappointed (although this too), or did not report something to the relationship, or something else … It’s more about the fact that there is always a risk of getting into a relationship with with their illusions, and leave without them, since they can be smashed to smithereens on the reality, which at first did not want to see and accept …
After all, even if we believe that there is a chance to awaken the best in a person with our sincere love and faith in him, this does not mean that it will be so.
And in this case, I have a favorite saying "You can't squeeze tomato juice from lemon" … And at least kill yourself in these relations, but still no, lemon is not a tomato … Well, then either still lemon juice, or look for a tomato …
One could, of course, agree to a lemon … But if suddenly I was allergic to it, then this is about a toxic relationship for me … And then all the ideals and belief in the beauty of each person are on my side. You need to save yourself … If you do not know why, I can give an example of the physiological development of an allergic reaction, up to Quincke's edema, which can result in death, that is, death. Take this as a metaphor and apply it to relationships …
This understanding is the first step towards getting out of such a relationship.
Further, everyone is already saved as he can, because it depends on many aspects of our personal and psychophysiological organization.
But when you did manage to get out, the following is important: not to go back and not even look back. Remember the biblical story of Sarah, Lot's wife? Forward so forward! Without looking back and regret!
Of course, at first it can be very painful … Even very, very … But this is not the end of the world! When I was in a similar situation, after going out into the street after a difficult conversation, I was sincerely amazed that for some reason the sky did not fall to the ground, that the moon was hanging in the same place where it had hung the day before …
Of course, this does not mean that I stopped believing in the best qualities of people, or this particular person, it was just that case when there was a firm realization that everything that could be done for this relationship, you have already done and further from you nothing depends …
And you can stand at the crossroads for a long time, sincerely enjoying the sunset … But sooner or later you will have to choose a new path …
And best of all, if this is the path to Himself!..
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