2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At the age of seventeen, for the first time, I fell very deeply in love with a guy who was three years older than me.
It was a wonderful warm autumn. I just entered the first year of the medical academy.
I recall with trepidation the sweet taste of watermelon, which my friend and I dragged in turn to our apartment in a private house, which we rented together, and then in the evening ate it on the terrace and laughed, I don't remember what …
He lived next door and often came to visit us …
But when it turned out that we could not date, because he already had a girlfriend whom he loved and whom he eventually married happily, and when he tenderly hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and said “Dear Irochka, you will still have everything !”, - I was sure that my life was over!
I cried bitterly that evening and for the next few weeks … I hardly forced myself to get out of bed and go to classes that, although they were interesting to me, I did not see myself in that profession, and yet I studied very diligently, that is excellently … I went with my friends to concerts and to the theater … And even met with someone … But deep down I firmly believed that my life was over, and never began …
But how wrong I was then!
After all, now from the height of the past years, experience, depth of feelings and my education (by the way, by the end of that academic year, I nevertheless chose a profession to my liking and went to study as a psychologist), I very clearly understand now that that evening my life, according to in fact, it has only really begun!
And that's why…
He taught me a valuable lesson that in life we do not always get what we want, and that this is actually not a tragedy, but an incentive to embody other equally (and maybe even more) important dreams and desires. It was not an easy step on the path to accepting Himself …
After that very dramatic conversation by the standards of a seventeen-year-old girl, I began to write a lot of poems (good and not so), the best of which had already been published in a prestigious literary magazine in February. And just then I believed that I have a talent for writing, that it is valuable and that it can bring pleasure not only to me, but also to others. One more step on the path to self-acceptance …
He accepted my feelings and shared them as equals. Yes, he could not reciprocate them, but he accepted them and shared his own. I do not know what could be more beautiful than when someone accepts the feelings of another without fear and judgment. After all, he thereby shows that "You are important to me as a person!" and that "I'm not afraid of you and your feelings!" This was the next step on the path to self-acceptance …
Then I made many more steps on this difficult and difficult Path and I know that I will do no less.
But what a pity that I did not understand all this when I so bitterly and sincerely mourned my love, which had not fully taken place, and when I did not want to live.
Yet, how wonderful that I understand this now, when life does not just go on, but in the midst of its most beautiful manifestations.
And it is actually very exciting and pleasant for me to remember this now, when a lot is already really there and there will certainly be a lot more!..
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