2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
About two types of psychotherapy or "the other side of the moon"
Some of the classics of Russian psychology (it seems S. L. Rubinstein) argued that the path to oneself lies through another.
In psychotherapy, however, one often encounters a reverse process, which makes it possible to assert that the path to the other lies through oneself. To paraphrase: "In order to come (meet) with another, you must first meet with yourself."
And this is not surprising. The client is mostly typical neurotic, who, in the process of contacts with his significant Others, has “gone far from himself,” his own I. For him, the opinion, assessment, attitude, judgments of the Others become dominant. He sensitively looks closely, listens to what they say, how they look, what the Others think, how will his Self be reflected in their mirrors? His assessment of himself (self-esteem) directly depends on the assessment of Others, his own I, fearfully looking around, catches all the signals emanating from Others, constantly correcting the unstable course of his I. It is not surprising that guilt, duty, opinions of Others become the leading landmarks in life for such a person, and the prevailing feelings are fear, shame, resentment. His meetings with Others turn out to be fake, hypocritical, since he cannot come to this meeting without a mask, shyly and fearfully hiding behind the mask-role socially expected of him.
And such a client, who has gone far from his Self, comes to the therapist. Very often with a request - to become even more socially accepted, masked successful. The task of the therapist is to lead the client to his own I, carefully and respectfully examining, listening to the sound of the client's real, unique, barely audible voice of the client, hidden behind the deafening chorus of voices of the Other I.
Only by hearing, realizing and accepting his own Self, the client can hope for a genuine Meeting with the Other.
Thus, "in order to meet with another, you must first meet yourself."
However, this phrase is adequate only to the dynamics of psychotherapy of a neurotic client, who is heightened sensitive to the opinions and evaluations of others and is insensitive to his I.
The situation is quite different in psychotherapeutic work with the category border clients, the most typical representative of which in the modern situation is the client-narcissist.
The central aspect of the narcissistic problematics is the instrumental attitude of narcissists to another person, which manifests itself in their characteristic egocentrism.
The self-centeredness of the narcissist client is most often seen in following signs:
• he talks about other people as objects;
• in close relationships, he has no attachment;
• his attitude towards people is evaluative;
• from others he wants full acceptance and admiration;
• he considers the other as a part of himself.
Unlike neurotic clients, for whom the emergence of oneself in a relationship and learning to take care of oneself is the most important strategy of psychotherapy, the goal of therapy for borderline clients is the emergence in the relationship of the Other, as a different, valuable, living person with his joys, sorrows, experiences, values. pains …
Consequently, the emergence of feelings such as guilt, the shame of which is abundant in the neurotic and which must be “fought” in the therapy of these clients, must be awakened and welcomed in the psychotherapy of borderline clients.
Feelings of guilt and shame are social, they are always associated with another person. The appearance in the psychic reality of these feelings, as well as sympathy, empathy, empathy speaks of the appearance in the life of the borderline client of the Other person.
Thus, the evolution of the borderline client towards himself always goes through the discovery of the Other, while the evolution of the neurotic client is associated with the discovery of his own self. Hence the different strategies, tasks and methods of working with the clients described above.
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