The Most Important Meeting In Life

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If you've watched the Runaway Bride movie, then you probably remember the moment when the heroine of Julia Roberts could not answer the question of which egg dish she loves most. The point is not at all the pickiness or inconsistency of the heroine, but that she is very confused. With one groom, she loves fried eggs, with another - a chatterbox, with a third - poached eggs, with a fourth - eggs Benedict - in general, she loved what her men liked. Convenient for them, having lost her real self. She ran away not because she was not sure of them, but because she was very insecure. She could not make a choice in her own favor and the way she herself wants. All her choices are the persuasions of friends or grooms.

This often happens in life.

I come across this in my practice. Question: "What are you real?" - perplexes. In the best case, a woman evaluates herself according to the roles that she performs in life: what kind of mother, wife, employee, daughter she is. “Who are you without roles? What do you like? What do you want?". Such questions for many, for the first time, are faced with the need to meet with themselves.

We are strangers to ourselves. We define ourselves by how others think and feel about us. We give others our personal right to the Self and stick to those people with whom we can best function. We do not go into the depth of the relationship, because we are afraid. It is scary to face your real self and reveal yourself to another.

Masks and roles are another matter. Everything is very clear here. Do one, do two. There is no doubt about it, there is comfort and predictability. And all would be fine, but sickening to hell. Because these roles have nothing to do with who we really are. This game is in someone else's play, and it is fake. The role is alien. The game is not from the heart.

The water takes the form of the vessel in which it is located. Time passes. If the water freezes, the vessel bursts. We have before us a new form, new properties. Nothing remains the same. The temporary becomes permanent.

We are not here. We think we know ourselves. We live, study, work, love. We laugh when we need to portray joy, we are affable for show, we quote others when we are ashamed of our own thoughts. The former carelessness turns into embarrassment and sadness.

I saw it. Emptiness and detachment in the eyes. Long pause. Barely heard, but for the first time in a long time, the truthful answer is, "I don't know what I want."

This is the point of no return. Further - only immersion in oneself and in a circle the question: “Who am I? What do I want? What do I like and dislike? And a new, hitherto unknown, experience of feeling. Contact with reality and transcendental sensations. As if someone knocked out the very first cube in a children's pyramid: everything collapses and shatters. As in childbirth: at the same time painful and joyful from the fact that we are witnessing the birth of a new life. The first realizations appear.

Knowing ourselves is separating ourselves from who we are. From the actual, but false self. Refusal to correspond to others, from searching for oneself in reflections, refusal to define oneself by the relation of others to us.

Meeting yourself is not easy, but so important. Perhaps the most important in life. Some were lucky to meet themselves earlier, some later, and some were unlucky at all.

Meeting ourselves radically changes our life. We plunge into ourselves, into inner silence and realize that at the origins of a new path. It's time to throw away the old card and go without a "social compass." Towards the unknown, enduring fear, refusing guarantees, not turning away from pain and relying only on yourself.

New way. Fear cramping my stomach and shaking my knees. Few are able to master this path, not break down and move on. You need to take a burden with you, which is prohibitively heavy for many: all your pros and cons, your feelings and thoughts, doubts, insecurities. Pain and joy. And the risk.

As a reward for the risk, we will begin to feel how much we miss ourselves. You just want to live. Talk about what you feel and keep silent about where you don't need to say anything. Each word and action has its own time and meaning. As if, at last, I received instructions for myself.

If we are lucky, and the meeting with ourselves takes place, then we cannot give up our true "I" for a minute. If for someone our “I” is not comfortable and beautiful enough, then we are no longer on the way. There is no need to hold back anyone, because those for whom our “I” will be wonderful and unique will come into our lives. There is no more time and desire to play, pretend, cheat. We no longer turn away from ourselves, we do not pretend that everything is fine if something goes wrong.

Everything has a price: you have to pay for the happiness of being yourself. Many people will not like our freedom, as it makes us unpredictable. We become uncomfortable. Relationships are the area that will be the first to fall apart, dramatically changing the old way of life.

Awareness of your true desires is like plunging into darkness: at first nothing is visible and everything is incomprehensible, and then there is a sharp flash of light. If you rush the process too much, you can go blind. It is important not to rush here: just slowly open your eyes and wait.

From the very depths there will come an understanding of what it means to be yourself.

This is a very subtle and at the same time very voluminous concept - all that we love is we.

Being ourselves is when we don't feel the need to justify ourselves or others. This is when one is comfortable with activities that add a festive atmosphere to everyday life. When the most important question becomes how much, right now, we are alive and real. When we clearly understand who we are, what we love, what we love not, what is dear to us and what we are ready to give up, who we are for ourselves and who we are for others, for what we respect ourselves and others, where we go and what we want to achieve … When self-development becomes a personal meaning, and not for conformity with others. When it doesn't matter who doesn't like us, but what matters is what is dear to us. At its own pace, in its own understanding, not according to the general pattern, but in the author's performance.

And the moment we no longer give up ourselves, we are reborn. For myself. We no longer betray ourselves and our feelings, we maintain inner honesty, we do not put the interests of others above our own.

We ourselves choose how happy and free we are. We ourselves define our own markers and indicators of the permissible, regardless of the opinion of the world around us. Its indicator of love, patience, care. Personal reserves of respect, charm and tenderness. Personal happiness concept.

And it does not matter at all how much condemnation and criticism will pour down on our heads. If we are extremely sincere and generous, others will still look at us through the prism of their own experiences and labels. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And if each of our choices and actions gives at least a drop of happiness, then we are doing everything right.