2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every time I hear from my next acquaintances “I went to a therapist, his advice did not help,” inside myself I begin to slowly grind the Whatman paper to paper dust. The complete calm of a sunny morning remains on the surface of the face, and I try to explain that this was simply not a therapist. Or a therapist in a time of extreme personal crisis. No personal psychoanalyst. And without a supervisor. Do you know why I'm sure? Because the therapist shouldn't give any advice
Again. The psychotherapist should not and does not have the right to advise the client. None. Never. Yes, this may be exactly what the client wants from him. And yes, his advice and his therapist's point of view can match the client's vision. With the only difference. A therapist is not a fitness instructor. And a set of clear rules and guidelines does not solve the problem. In the gym, you can squat 100 times at each workout with a weight of 30 kg and after a while get excellent elastic buttocks and a bonus to polish and self-esteem. If you repeat to yourself 100 times every day that you have excellent straight legs and the soul of a quivering fairy, you will not become a quivering fairy. You can believe it, but not become it. And that's how to compare shiny to gold.
If your therapist says to draw pictures with open horizons so as not to close the possibilities of new opportunities, then this apathy will not dispel your apathy like Allegrova with his bare hands. It can relieve emotional stress, but it certainly won't bring unbridled happiness into your life. Because this is not a little Buddha who needs to rub his belly.
Also, the therapist does not indulge in unrestrained fantasies a la "I would have acted differently" and does not indulge in memories of "when I had this, I did …". Because the client did not come to repeat this sacred and only correct path. And then to find yours. Do you understand? No matter how cool the therapist's solution to the problem turned out the last time, no one, not even kind Wang, will give guarantees that it will work for someone else.
Every time the therapist tells you that you did the wrong thing, ask where to buy a book with a full description of the right thing to do. And give me the link, I will buy too. The same goes for emotions. Because there are no right and wrong emotions and feelings. And if it hurts, no one, even the most magnificent therapist working with many countries and with thirty years of experience, has no right to say that this is wrong. Or selfish. Or not practical. Or whatever you like. You feel what you feel. For everything else, there is a dictatorship.
It is possible that while you were reading these few paragraphs, only one thought loomed in your head: why write this at all? In the era of the Internet, I consoled myself with the hope that these obvious things, like the multiplication table, are known to everyone who has critical thinking and knows how to use Google. It turned out that they are as well known as Heidegger's Being and Time. We have heard something about them, but not exactly.
So that's it. The therapist does not dictate to you a list of phrases and reactions that will make your life permanently happy. For this there are leading trainings "how to make your husband do what you want." The therapist walks alongside quiet steps, listening to your feelings and helping them to understand, accept and just learn to live with them, while filling in the resource at the same time. And they are not the same thing at all
Between what is right and what is easier, the choice is not always easy. But this choice can be decisive.
Take care of yourself.
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