Why Doesn't The Advice Of Psychologists Help?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why doesn't the advice of psychologists help?

Nowadays it is very fashionable to give advice on any occasion. The benefit of the social network for every taste is at our service. It's very convenient - without leaving your home, without looking up from your computer, you can solve all the problems that have been accumulating over the years in one evening. It's great, in one evening, to understand, realize and solve everything. On the Internet, you can find advice on any issue:

- how to stop worrying and start living

- how to get married successfully

- how to cope with the child's aggression

- how to diversify sex

- how to make a lot of money

- how to stop being offended, etc., etc.

There are especially many specialists in the field of psychology. There are tons of webinars that offer learning how to sell psychological services through social networks, websites and webinars. The main idea of such training is to take an expert position in relation to the reader, consumer of psychological services. Simply put, such an expert should appear, in your eyes, the most experienced and intelligent expert on the topic of your concern.

How to do it? Very simple. First, you need to declare yourself as an expert in a specific, narrow field and write only on this topic. The second is to assign yourself more of a wide variety of titles. Such a kind of "honor board". Immediately I remember Caesar from the movie "Asterix and Obelix against Caesar", where Caesar always ends the conversation with one phrase:

- ABE, ME! (translated Praise Me)

The third, no less important condition is the crowd of people who have recovered from their problems. In the reviews, they write laudatory odes, at first sincerely, and then it is simply not convenient in front of themselves, that the effect is not stable and not as great as it seemed at first. But, it's difficult to admit it, so I continue to praise, as if trying to persuade myself that everything is fine - I'm fine.

If all three of these conditions are met, then you will most likely have confidence in such a specialist. This is how we are made. Only people who have formed critical thinking do not fall for this bait. All the rest, alas, run the risk of falling under the influence of such an "expert".

Recently, I came across the recommendations of an expert in the field of child and adolescent psychology. Recommendations concerned how parents should behave in connection with the increased incidence of suicide of adolescents who subscribe to suicide groups in VK.

The specialist recommended not to panic and not throw tantrums. Vinyl of parents that they pay little attention to children, that more attention should be paid to children, it is better to love and understand them. Of course, the recommendations are sensible and correct at first glance. But it is unlikely that someone went to implement these recommendations. Not because the parent is bad or does not like children, but because he is "flooded" with fear and anxiety for himself and his child. This anxiety is unconstructive and irrational. In it, a person is not capable of constructive actions and therefore advice does not help, but rather enrages. The only benefit of such advice is that the person switches from fear for their children to anger and aggression towards such counselors. However, acting out the aggression is distracting, but does not help to cope with the current situation. In such cases, a person does not need advice, but an analysis of the current situation, support, understanding and experiencing his feelings and developing his attitude to the current situation and strategy. For this, special conditions must be created.

The main condition is not to prejudice the analysand. This is a very important condition. It enables you to be productive in your analysis. Let's imagine that you are trying to conceptualize yourself and discussing this with your mom, friend, or sister. Will you receive objective feedback? You will receive support, consolation, comfort, advice - anything but what you need at this moment. At this moment, you are in dire need of developing your own opinion and attitude to the situation.

After all, your life is your author's project.

Psychotherapy is the most effective "workplace" for such an author's project.

Psychotherapist

- like a mirror that reflects you and your inner experiences

- as a listener who doesn't need anything from you except to hear your story

- as a translator, interpreter or interpreter of your dreams, images and ideas

- like a safe where you can store your most secret desires and experiences

- as a stage on which you can see yourself in different roles and experience all those feelings that you experience in real life

- as a refuge, where you can hide and calm down when sorrows and passions are raging in your soul

- a witness to the birth of your present.

Advice dulls fear and anxiety for a little while, and then frustration and anger comes because it doesn't solve problems. You already knew all these tips, and many even gave these tips to others. The point is not that a person does not know how to cope with a problem, but the point is that he does not cope with the feelings that these problems cause.

The task of the therapist is not to give advice, but to create such a space and conditions under which you can get to know yourself better and help yourself on your own.

Alla Kishchinskaya