"Positive Thinking". Why Self-Deception Doesn't Help Us Heal

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The entire history of the development of the concepts of the positivist movement can be found in Christomathies and reference books on psychology. For myself, I set the task of discussing not how it all began, but what it led to and what to do with it.

To begin with, as a specialist in psychosomatics, I very often come across savvy clients who think positively “always, everywhere, in everything and to the last”, because it simply cannot be otherwise. Some of them periodically "break down", due to which they retain the ability to be adaptive. Some clients simply slip into unpleasant neurotic disorders. They check their phrases for the presence of positivity of the formulations, the absence of particles of "not", they are afraid to correct themselves if they say something negative, transforming the phrase into a positive one, forbid themselves to "even think" of anything such bad, which is why such thoughts fall on them with triple power … Of course, measure is important in everything, many of you thought. But not everyone will answer the question of how to find out this measure.

Sometimes I ask a client:

- Does your "positive thinking" help you?

- Well, not yet.

- Why do you think?

- Because I'm not positive enough.

- Have you thought that positivity cannot be sufficient or insufficient, because it is always relative? Will the same event be positive for someone and negative for someone?

- This is for someone! For me personally, being healthy is good, what can be the negative in my recovery for myself ?!

- Did you think that through your illness the body can protect you personally from some unpleasant experience, traumatic memories, etc. And for him such protection is good, is it just a gift for you personally? And instead of raping him with "positivism", maybe it makes sense to direct efforts to find a common language with him and find out from what it still protects you?

But it happens differently when I tell the client:

- How to think positively?

- Very simply, you get up in the morning and mentally repeat “I am healthy, my house is full, all my problems are in the past, my body is healed…” and so on.

- Doesn't it bother you that this is not true?

- If I repeat it constantly, it will become true.

- How long have you been repeating this?

- Well … a long time ago.

- And your condition has improved?

- Well, not yet.

Or:

- In every negative situation, you can find something positive. For example, a broken arm, this is an opportunity to finally relax!

- That is, you cannot imagine a rest in such a way that you are healthy, so that you can normally serve yourself, wash, eat, play, take a walk, etc.?

- No, but you have to think positively.

- And how does it help you?

- Well … I just think positively …?

Do not think, I 100% support the idea that with a "positive" life is more fun and better quality. One caveat is only that our life is a road along the way of which we will always equally encounter both positive and negative phenomena. And our vitality, mood and quality of life, which will accompany us on this path, largely depend on how much we are able to mark and regulate this dyad, to maintain balance. Because if you see only the bad in life, then most likely it will be saturated with problems, failures, illnesses, and good opportunities will simply fly past our consciousness, we will not notice them and what will nevertheless break through the veil of negativity will quickly be neutralized and devalue etc.

If, however, blindly in everything to reveal only good, then this also leads to a violation of adaptation, inadequate assessment of the situation and the adoption of erroneous decisions … Undeveloped conflict situations, frustration, trauma, etc., which we try to neutralize with "positivism", remain unworked. And the more we interpret them “positively”, instead of sorting out the situation on the shelves, finding a satisfying solution and giving out negative emotions, the higher the likelihood of manifestation of psychosomatic disorders and diseases, only on the basis of “positivism”. This also leads to the development of psychopathology itself, since events that clearly have a negative connotation for the brain, we forcefully push into a cell with a "rejoice" sign and such inconsistencies can only cause dissonance, splitting and include mental protection from ourselves.

We understand, "You can't be cute by force." Just as you cannot force yourself to love someone or something, so surely there is no way to experience positive emotions where there is no place for them. All words and phrases are not supported by true positive experiences, and there is "self-deception", which at best will not bring any effect. But a pleasant surprise is that there are always a great many positive moments in our life around, and all you need to do is just learn to see them. Sometimes it happens that just getting sick, people begin to appreciate and celebrate all the good things that happen in their lives EVERY DAY. Morning coffee, a sunbeam after the rain, a light wind in the heat, the smell of freshness, a child's laugh, soft pet hair, a friend's smile … We are used to taking this for granted, and almost everything that is really good and pleasant, we neutralize, devalue. ignore, etc. Fortunately, it does not stop happening to us, no matter what. And when we force ourselves with the correct formulations, we rarely think that everything we need is usually nearby, it's just important to be able to see it without resorting to illness;)

There are many ways in psychotherapy to learn to see the good. The smallest thing that can be offered for adults is the "Full Cup Method", and for children, the "Bag of Good Deeds". In the first case, a person puts a bowl (basket, vessel, casket) at home, into which every time something really good happens to him, he puts either candy, or money, or some kind of decoration or any useful thing. At the end of the day or at the end of the week, he analyzes the contents, remembers what is assigned to each of these gizmos, and uses all the accumulated good with pleasure and gratitude (sometimes at the end of the week, you can again thank those people who contributed to replenish your cup, and share with someone else). In the second case, the same thing happens, only the parent helps the child to highlight positive events, and you can collect, for example, letters from a certain word that will teach and, according to the result, you can add the name of the "bonus" that the child can receive (m b. the name of the entertainment center, books, toys, etc.). If the cup or bag is difficult to fill, then it clearly makes sense to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. Here everything can start with “ear-pulling” techniques, the purpose of which is not to believe what is not in reality, but simply to stir up the brain, expand consciousness, perception, show that it depends only on us how we interpret this or that event. etc.

When positive moments often do not happen, but there is an urgent and urgent need for them, you can create such moments yourself. To do this, you just need to remember what brings you joy, pleasure (what kind of work, book, hobby, food, etc.). If you love to embroider, then you don't need all these long wordings and positive interpretations, just go buy new threads and everything you need, make yourself comfortable and embroider. And while embroidering, think about what you will do when you recover. And believe me, it will do you much more benefit than repeating 40 times a day "I am healthy, I am healed." Again, the inability to note what brings pleasure and create an atmosphere of joy is also a direct indication for consultation with a specialist.

As for your own positive thinking and your attitude to the disease itself, the solution to this complex issue was reflected in the positive psychotherapy of N. Pezeshkian. The name of the method itself comes from lat.positum - "Taking place", "given", "factual", and not "good" or "positive", as many are used to thinking. In positive psychotherapy, we interpret it as something that a situation that has already happened, not good, not bad, but what it is … Without judging the situation as just a fact, only we decide whether it will develop positively or negatively. In the case of positive thinking, we take it according to the formula “ take it for granted and find a satisfying solution ". Using the example of recovery, this can be expressed as follows:

“I was diagnosed with a '…' disease.

This is not good, but I will not turn it into a disaster either.

From this day on, I focus on taking care of my rest, nutrition, body care and physical activity.

I study stories, people who have successfully dealt with this ailment. I find professionals I trust and follow their assignments and recommendations.

I analyze my life path and replace beliefs that harm me with beliefs that lead me to develop virtues. I set myself the goal of improving my psychological state and recovering, and on the way of achieving I make constructive adjustments,”and so on.

This is what can be an example of positive thinking in psychotherapy of psychosomatic diseases. Everything else is close by, you don't need to invent it, you just need to see it. And, believe me, such a statement of the question really leads patients to recovery more often.