Why You Need To Quit Reading The Advice Of Psychologists And Already Do Something With Your Life

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I noticed, reading all sorts of different "advice of a psychologist": well, it's boring to read and listen to them, banality on banality. And it is true. While I was studying at the psychology department, every day I learned something new, not obvious (about how the mechanism of cognitive dissonance works and why a person needs basal ganglia) - it was very interesting and entertaining. But in reality, when the request sounds in ordinary terms: "My husband is cheating on me, help me, what to do?" - everything that a client can reach when working with a psychologist is a banal banality. Either the client decides to leave her husband, or she finds a way to communicate with him, clarify everything and agree on acceptable conditions; or, the third option - decides to stay, endure, be silent and suffer. Even this list of possible options is boring to read. This is because the letters on the screen are not quite the same as a living person with fears and inner (often irrational) beliefs and an emotional state. The letters on the screen are a very emasculated projection of what really happens to a person when he talks about his misfortune. After all, there is nothing new here, is it?

I will say more. All realizations in psychotherapy - ALWAYS BANAL … During the session, the client discovers another commonplace about himself (most often, so visible from the outside that, perhaps, outsiders have already pointed it out to him).

And yet - and this is the most important effect of psychotherapy - the client finally, FINALLY APPLIES THIS BANALITY TO HIMSELF

Example: a girl, 28 years old, who finally sorted out the request in therapy: “My parents always wanted a boy, and I was born. All my life I try to behave like a good son, and I feel uncomfortable. What to do?.

Well, what do you do ??? Are you a girl? And who do you choose to be - a girl or a boy? (jokes aside, options are possible; gender and gender are different things). If you choose to be a girl, then it's time to admit that your parents had time to realize that they did have a daughter. 28 years old, more than a quarter of a century. And now you have already grown up, received a passport, which indicates the gender; then she graduated from college (medical! where the difference between the sexes was explained in detail).

The environment is signaling you who it thinks you are; already young men are showing signs of attention … And, in general, if you decide to choose your own femininity, then by the age of 28 you can already admit that you are not a boy and turn into him so that it would be more convenient for dad to go fishing with you, you you can't. And if you choose to do something different with your gender, then choose another, but the actions for this should be slightly different (and better - conscious). Well corny to horror, isn't it? Pure, crystal clear common sense; never a binomial of Newton. And a man suffered for 28 years. Because "I understand with my head," but I cannot apply to myself.

The same applies to you personally: I believe you have already read all the interesting stories from life and all the patterns on psychological resources. But the change will come only when you apply some separate, your personal banality to your own life. And then it will work. Until then, these are letters on the screen and more or less entertaining stories about some strangers (maybe even fictional ones). Not about you. And, accordingly, this will not change your life in any way - well, perhaps, it will entertain you for a couple of minutes while you surf the Internet. You will never forget your own, your personal, watered with tears and long-suffering banality, and it will really change your life. All in all, I think your personal banality is still waiting for you. It can be anything, absolutely: "It's never too late to start and change", "I am not obliged to fulfill the expectations of my parents all my life", "I am not a nonentity, I am worthy of love and there are those in the world to whom I will be infinitely dear" - I she said it would definitely be trite. And it can change your life. But only if you stop reading about it, and start living it. But this is really difficult. Very hard. This is what the therapist does.

It can be compared to a joke about drawing an owl. How to draw an owl?

Artist Karla Mialaine gives advice. Stage one: draw two gnarled circles. Stage two: draw the rest of the damn owl. So it is here: to read or hear another psychological platitude is to "draw a circle", the first stage. And to introduce this banality into your life is to “draw everything else”. Look at the pictures and feel the difference.

And in general: this is not why psychologists take money to talk platitudes (that is why the “advice of a psychologist” on the Internet looks like boring everyday wisdom that every aunt Klava knows on a bench in the yard). And for that they take money so that your banality becomes a part of your life and changes it. Incidentally, this is why I myself tied up with the heading on my website “psychologist's answers to questions from the Internet” - nothing but patented platitudes, I will not say, they are guaranteed to be passed over and not applied in life. And I will not help a person, and I myself only a wasted time and a feeling of disappointment from the lack of feedback. And who needs it?

If you want changes, it makes sense to sign up for a psychological consultation and even come in person.

If not, keep reading, of course. If anyone will blame you for this, it will not be me. On the contrary, I am going to write a sufficient number of more or less entertaining texts, you will find them on my website. Other psychologists also write, only smoke comes from the keyboard, they post thousands of articles on the Internet …

But we know that in real life nothing will fundamentally change from reading the articles of a psychologist, right? I know that for sure. Now you know too. I still don't count the two circles as a drawn owl. Don't deceive yourself.

Oh, yes, more. Important. Specifically on psychotherapists, the light did not converge like a wedge. You can change yourself in very different ways: visit mutual support groups at the church, find a guru (I don't really believe in that, but helps someone), a confessor, a Teacher, go to Tibet to visit monks, get an education at a western university - there are hundreds of ways. The main thing in this is this: for changes you need the Other, even to simply discuss your thoughts with him. And not reading pop articles and endless surfing on forums.

(Note: no, there is nothing wrong with not being able to draw owls and being limited only to circles. You just need to call them “two curved circles”, not “drawing of an owl.” In the same way, “I read on the Internet about my problem "Means exactly that, not" I tried to do something about my problem. "I didn't try, no. Let's just be honest, that's all).