Why Doesn't Reading Books And Articles On Psychology Help You Become More Self-confident?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

As I have already written many times, self-confidence is the basis on which everything else is built: relationships with other people, relationships in a couple, in a family, with children, professional activity, self-realization, etc.

And of course, many who want to become more confident read psychological literature, watch videos from psychologists.

And this is important to do in order to understand various psychological aspects.

I am glad that now there are more opportunities for obtaining important information than there was before.

And I am glad that now many people are asking questions of psychological comfort.

In my opinion, it is important that there is harmony in the soul.

And I myself have read and continue to read.

And I watch webinars, participate in courses, etc.

But for some reason, this did not add much confidence to me …

Why is this happening?

Because our attitude towards ourselves was formed in childhood.

With regard to the parents' attitude towards us.

Those. it was formed in RELATIONSHIP.

Accordingly, it can also change only in RELATIONSHIP.

That is, if in childhood we received the experience of rejecting us as we were.

If we have heard criticism in our address.

If we saw a devaluation of our feelings, our efforts.

If everything, that we did not do, there were shortcomings and shortcomings in it.

If what happened was ignored, not noticed.

It turns out that there was no such important experience of a kind and accepting attitude towards us in our childhood.

I don't blame my parents. They did the best they could.

As a rule, they were treated even worse in their childhood.

But there is a fact.

In our childhood, there was such an attitude towards us.

And this is how we treat ourselves now.

And sometimes we do the same in relation to others.

We have been devalued - we are devaluing ourselves and others too.

We were rejected - we reject ourselves, we consider ourselves unworthy and we reject others too.

Our efforts were not appreciated - and we do not value our efforts, and we do not value the efforts of other people.

We were criticized - and we criticize ourselves and criticize others.

We were blamed for everything - and we blame ourselves for everything and look for others to blame.

And now, when we have already grown up, we can change this attitude towards ourselves.

And only then do we gain the ability to build good relationships with others.

And we can change our attitude towards ourselves if we have experience of such relationships in which we are accepted, respected, appreciated, and supported by our efforts. Undoubtedly.

And such a relationship can be between a client and a psychologist or psychotherapist.

And through this kind attitude towards us, we learn to treat ourselves in the same way.

Seeing that we are not rejected, that it is possible, by expressing different emotions, to stay in a relationship and develop in them.

Gradually recognize your worth.

Learning to hear yourself, trust yourself.

Lean on the other first.

And then gradually learn to rely on yourself.

And this is one of the main values and objectives of the client-therapeutic relationship.

It is the RELATIONSHIP with another person that HEALS.

It will also be important to learn to notice your emotions. And distinguish them.

And understand the needs behind them.

And look for ways to satisfy them.

You ask - what is it for?

Are these emotions really that important?

Is it really impossible to simply, understanding everything on an intellectual level, change something?

The fact of the matter is that you cannot get stable and profound changes without working with emotions and bodily reactions.

And emotions are manifested in the body.

We are not only intellect.

We are the totality of intellect, emotion and body.

And we get vital energy from emotions.

Therefore, to put it simply (I have now greatly simplified it for clarity), the basis for life is our body, which feels emotions and analyzes with our mind how to use these emotions for our own benefit.

So, back to our topic.

Why is reading books and watching videos not helping change?

Because, firstly, in these processes there is only one person, he is not in a relationship.

And he does not receive experience of other relationships than in childhood.

Secondly, because these processes do not involve this chain - emotions, needs, actions.

These are self-regulation skills that are sometimes unrealistic to learn on your own.

At least for a while it is important to do it with someone.

That being said, I do not discount reading books and watching videos.

I just want to say that this, unfortunately, is not enough for change.

I also want to add that many people want immediate results and changes from therapy.

Unfortunately, this is not very realistic.

Because in the course of therapy, it is important to change the neural connections.

And in order for them to change, you need to repeat new chains of neural connections many times.

Just imagine, you have lived for a certain number of years, doing this and that.

And this is all fixed in neural connections.

There is already a certain neural track.

And in order to change it, you need to do it differently many times.

Then it will gain a foothold.

And there will be changes.

What do you think of all this?

Please share your point of view on this.