LOVE TRIANGLE: FROM MANIPULATION TO SENSES

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Love is a feeling that has both creative, healing power and destructive, destructive energy. This subject is not in the school curriculum, and what the family and society gives is usually traumatic for the immature psyche of the child and puts an imprint on the entire conscious life of a person

It is obvious that everyone comprehends this science independently: from self-love to neighbor love. It can be assumed that a person does everything only with the best intentions, but he does not always use environmentally friendly methods, because love is a science that needs to be learned, therefore very often rudeness, violence, lies, jealousy go along with love …

Healthy relationships can take place for further development only between mature and conscious people. These are people who make mistakes once, using a mistake as a resource for analysis and development. When an error (rigid, destructive behavior) becomes a pattern, it is manipulation: a model of behavior in which partners have seen personal benefit for themselves through primitive communication.

At the first stage, when I am the center of the world, I LOVE FOR MYSELF … I love the state, the sensations that I get next to a person and only then the person himself. Here jealousy, resentment, expectations, suspicions, mistrust, aggression, vanity arise … The object of love is in a state of exploitation and the word "must" is often heard. In this case, we are more merciful to strangers, because pressure on a loved one is natural.

The methods of receiving and retaining love at this stage are limited by the triangle: victim - savior - persecutor.

Victim's position: receiving love through pity, reproaches, referring to their plight, condition, living conditions; avoidance of personal responsibility in joint issues and common interests, with the transfer of initiative to a partner; regular suspicions of a partner based on their own illusions about indifference, jealousy, betrayal, etc. the main idea: maintaining the partner's feelings of guilt through claims and suspicions, in order to receive attention, care, excuses, confessions and love in this format.

Savior's position: a false state of self-worth, due to the passive position of the victim, acceptance of responsibility for the life, happiness, well-being of another person, which devalues the concept of personality against the background of its practical capabilities.

Stalker Position: the universal role in which the victim and the savior alternately play. The victim temporarily becomes a stalker in order to stimulate his rescuer, who at that moment becomes a victim, for even more active actions in the form of a claim, or in the event of the latter's refusal to fulfill his rescue duties for valid reasons or without such.

The Savior can become a persecutor when he wants to remind the victim of his virtues and emphasize the inferiority of the latter. After another showdown, everyone takes their duty place and life continues according to the approved scenario.

With this, you can stay for life or go to another level of relationship: LOVE FOR YOU … This is the highest manifestation of feeling: unconditional love. When you stop demanding and start giving, getting freedom from ambition, prejudice, suspicion, resentment and other bad mental habits. Awareness of the boundaries of another person comes after building your own. You can use a person as an additional resource for achieving personal happiness, or you can find and develop a resource in yourself, thanks to the support of a loved one. If there is manipulation, then there is no sincerity and love is built on the ambitions of addicted people. This happens when the difference between help and support is lost; when a person becomes property; when we stop talking about our feelings and begin to reason, and more often assert about the feelings of a partner.

I listen to what you say, but I hear something else. Maybe I understand the words that you say differently? After all, this is only your life experience, and I am ready to perceive you through my reality: through the world that is in me. Your words, like mine for you, become something incomprehensible or a lie if there is nothing behind them. We are able to understand each other, only at the level of feelings, when everyone talks about their experiences.

Everyone wants to be listened to, understood, accepted, sympathized with. How often people run away from themselves, how difficult it is to be alone with themselves. In silence, in silence, the inner world begins to sound too loud, and maybe unbearable. You run from yourself to the same people who run from their loneliness. You strive to receive something from a person who has nothing, from the same as you. How can you hear another if you refuse to hear yourself? Hearing yourself means feeling what is happening to you, realizing these feelings, their nature and talking about it. It is not only joy, but also sadness … Through the acceptance of one's feelings, the ability to listen and hear others appears, to sympathize, empathize …

If I feel and understand your silence, your silence - why do I need words …