What Prevents You From Becoming Self-confident?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I will say right away that I am not the most confident person, on the contrary. There are times when I’m not sure of anything at all, when I’m afraid to dislike it, or even do something wrong. There are times when everything falls out of hand.

I know that this sometimes happens to me, and at the same time I understand that it is impossible to always be on top. That each has its own strengths and weaknesses. And I have them and you. And everyone can rely on their strengths. Somewhere we happen to need help and support from outside. We are all different and not omnipotent. This is important to understand in order to go further:

We are not superheroes, with a permanently charged battery

And it is true. No one wants to be a failure. The problem is that we all face failure at times. Or rather, with unexpected or "unnecessary" results …

And how we behave in these moments of failure determines who we are. And also what we can become.

Remember, there is such an expression in Einstein's "success is a movement with increasing enthusiasm from failure to failure." That is, without failures, we will not advance anywhere in life. We need them too. At least in order to move forward, find the right solution, learn something, develop something in yourself.

I want to share with you one very supportive idea:

There are no failures. There is experience. And there is always some result. This is where I would like to stop now.

What questions do we ask ourselves in internal dialogue when we face failure?

There is a big difference between whether we use a supportive or an accusatory self-talk. The difference lies in the fact that either we get stuck deep in failure and past events. At the same time, we will not be able to get out of this past. Or we can turn our full attention to future success. On what opportunities the situation actually opens before us. And in the end, we will win.

The difference is whether you will feel guilty all the time, or whether you will be full of enthusiasm, hidden opportunities and hopes. She is, you see, weighty

Let me give you an example.

I had a conversation with a girl (we met at a seminar) as part of a personal consultation. We discussed the issue that she is now starting her own business. But this wonderful event is overshadowed by the fact that she constantly feels guilty.

She had to part with her former business partners, since she got married and left for another city. At the same time, the business itself decided to continue.

She told how they had worked very well with their former partners before. How good it was in the team. That this time was one of the best in her life. But now she had to leave. And not just leave, but start all over again - in another city, in new relationships, with new people …

My task was to switch her attention from loss to the possibilities of the new:

- start a business not from scratch, but already with excellent experience and knowledge of the pitfalls;

- to run your own business, where she is the owner and makes decisions herself, how and what to be;

- on relationships - on the fact that she has a wonderful family, she has a loving husband, and their newborn child.

And it’s not that we grieve about the past throughout the entire session … No, we happily made plans for the future, shared experiences, ideas, twisted each other's insights. In general, they fully affirmed the meaning of new opportunities in her life. The meaning of “a gain that was buried under the mask of a loss” (J. Kemeron).

And what is the difference, you ask. How do you enter a supportive internal dialogue and focus on new opportunities? How to stop feeling guilty about the past and not thinking about its limitations?

It's all about the questions we ask ourselves, or we ask, applying the analysis to the situation (we ask other people). These questions have two poles - guilt and support. Which ultimately lead to success or failure.

Dialogue between guilt and focus on failure:

- I do wrong to others by choosing love, development, growth and new experiences in my life. It is my fault that I am happy.

“I’m doing the wrong thing by thinking about myself. I'm probably bad.

- I do what I want and choose. Thus, I deprive myself of a lot: support, stability, friends, understandable earnings … So, making your own decisions, being independent and independent is bad.

- So what if I felt for a long time that I needed to move on. And as luck would have it, this was a good opportunity. I had to stay and suffer for the rest of my life that I missed this opportunity. I'm bad again because I chose myself.

“I was really, egoistically afraid that if I stayed here, I would be dragged into a swamp. If I hadn't risked, then I would have sacrificed my life in the end … Yes, it is, I am definitely a real selfish person. At the same time, I also want my own business.

Ideally, we do not say this directly to ourselves, of course. But when we worry about "past losses", our own choices, or actions, we often think something like the one described above.

Questions we should learn to ask ourselves (or others) when we want to focus on opportunities and gains:

- What have you learned? What experience did you gain in the team?

- What opportunities do you have now that were not there before? What good did it do you? What good can you do about it?

- How can you use your experience? How to deal with the situation?

Ideally, I would recommend everyone to master these questions. Trust my experience, I was also that accuser:)

And for the most advanced - to take training courses of coaches. Because it is precisely such questions (opportunities) that are the basis of coaching technologies and the basis for development in life. And it would not be superfluous to learn them, at least for your beloved.

You can ask such questions to yourself, to a child who cannot cope with a task, or when a failure befell. To a husband who is in a difficult situation, or to any other person who is experiencing something of a dead end.

They will focus you on the possibilities. And take off the heavy burden of guilt

In this way, we can be experts at scolding ourselves. We can teach others how to do it with success. But the task is different. To become the best advisor, friend and coach, the best support in life for yourself. Learn to rely on that part of ourselves that we can develop as a supportive internal dialogue.

I assure you - there will be many times more love, joy, wonderful events in your life.

What to do with this knowledge next?

Write down and memorize these questions, and ask yourself as often as possible:

• What am I failing?
• What results have I already received?
• What did this teach me?
• What opportunities does this open up for me?

Whenever you are unhappy with a situation or what is happening, ask yourself these questions in any order. And try to answer them honestly. You will see for yourself what will come of it.

Now you know the secret of how to defeat your inner censor and critic, whose task is one - to prevent you from living your happy life.

Once upon a time, this inner critic was formed spontaneously. And in most cases, it continues to bind and restrict us.

The choice is yours. Which flower do you want to water: self-love or lifelong self-doubt?

What type of dialogue are you using? Opportunity or guilt (focusing on the past and failure)?

I would be glad to receive feedback!

Create your world now!

I hug:)

Author: Vasilyeva Alena Vladimirovna