About Love That We Still Cannot Receive

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Different people come to me, with different problems, and very often they lack recognition, praise, love. It would seem so simple, but at the same time quite difficult. The difficult thing here is that a man sits inside us, ready for much, just to get the love that he dreams of. Thus, we do not even notice how much we do in life, just because we want to receive love. Our actions to achieve it have become such a habitual, practically way of life, that we cannot recognize their main goal.

Why is this happening?

Any "why" is to be found in childhood. We didn't get a definite emotional response. At the same time, our mothers were always attentive, caring, showed love. However, they did not give us the way we wanted. It is important for us to receive love exactly in the form in which our need demands.

Not enjoying love to the extent that we want, we begin to try to receive it through actions. “Studying well at school”, “being obedient”, “the main thing is not to disappoint parents”, “to find a decent job and prove yourself well”, etc. All these phrases I hear from my clients. They try to match them, so that in the end they "be good" and "to be praised."

For me, these situations are not yet in the fact that a person wants love, but in the fact that in his imagination this love will manifest itself more strongly, and as he wants. Good. This is a normal desire. But. When we achieve something, our loved ones rejoice for us. They do it as best they can, while they don't love us anymore. They already give us the maximum they are capable of. By their reaction they tell us: “We are very happy for your success, but we do not love you any more for it. We just love you. How we can, how we feel inside ourselves."

There is another side of our need for love. It happens that it is important for us that others know about how cool we are. It is not enough for us just to know this about ourselves. If we see that others do not notice some of our virtues, we may worry that we are not good enough. And if you ask yourself the question: "from what others learn about some of my strong qualities, will I become better from this?" We're not getting better. What we are valuable for, and so is very strongly developed in us and only gets stronger over time.

What conclusions can be drawn?

Yes, we all strive for something. Do you like the path you take? Or did you choose him just to get recognition from loved ones? Be objective. Look at how your family is supporting you, notice how happy they are with your victories. This is their love. They can do nothing more.

Think about how a manifestation of love and recognition from your parents, partners, even leaders, should look like (often through work we want to get a good feedback about ourselves, so colleagues and a leader become a guide for us). What should they do to make you feel love, involvement, and acceptance?

Just remember to yourself that you are already loved. They are very fond of. You are already unrealistically cool, unique and three hundred times a good person. And you don't need confirmation from others for this. At the same time, of course, the main thing is to live with peace and kindness to everything that and who surrounds you.