2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes it is enough to break down a problem, a personal difficulty into its component parts, and it becomes clear where the dog is buried, and it is so good that we still woke it up. I would like to suggest this approach. After each step, I provide a sample answer to help you navigate. I will add that this is not my invention, but I spied on Tatyana Morozova, a famous psychologist and psychotherapist.
1. State your difficulty in one sentence
This question allows you to clearly define your current situation.
I have low self-esteem, I do not respect myself, I consider myself stupid, uninteresting and it is difficult for me to find a common language with people.
2. When did this problem first arise, under what life circumstances?
The answer to this question will separate the past from the present.
As a child (about 4 years old), I was jealous of my mother for a little boy with whom she went for a long walk, leaving me with relatives whom I was a little afraid of. I remember when they returned and we went home with her, then at the cost of great efforts I asked her: “Mom, you don’t love me anymore?” Of course, I heard that everything was fine, but I began to doubt her love for me and think maybe I'm not so good. When my mother gave birth to her brother, he received and is receiving, as it seemed to me, much more love than me.
3. What feelings, emotions, sensations in the body are you experiencing now?
With excitement, my tongue gets tangled, my thoughts get confused, I can't speak coherently, I carry some kind of nonsense, my body (shoulders, arms) and face (lower part) seem to be stiff, I want to cry, I start to slouch, I put my head down, I want to hide, run away, so as not to see, not to look.
4. Why do these feelings, emotions, sensations force you, and what, on the contrary, prevent you from doing?
They force you to leave and not seek communication with people.
They interfere with realistically assessing the situation and doing what I want.
5. What would you do now, if you did not have this hindrance?
I would be a successful business woman, drive a car, communicate with a lot of people, be friends with everyone, have a family or a lover.
6. What is your hidden benefit from the fact that you have this difficulty? For what GOOD do you need to feel this way?
Everything that happens to us, for some reason we need. The answer to this question will help you understand the invisible benefits.
I am immersed in myself, in my inner world, I feel different from everyone else.
7. What will happen if you lose this benefit?
I will lose the opportunity to somehow feel my importance.
8. What life lesson does the benefit you receive prevent you from deriving?
That everything can be changed, you just need to make an effort and believe in your success.
9. What are my minimum and maximum goals for learning this lesson? What will I do to implement them today?
This step is very important. Only action can lead to change. Even if you don't fully understand the intricacies of your life, start doing something right now.
Minimum: I will overestimate all my personality traits and forgive my mom.
Maximum: I will make a program for the rest of my life.
This is a real algorithm completed by a real client. Olya was 42 years old when she, lost and without any prospects of seeing a bright future, came to me. She was interrupted by odd jobs, separated from her husband for a long time, and relations with other men did not work out at all. She was supported by her 22-year-old daughter, both financially and emotionally. The girl was mature enough, she clearly understood that her mother should be able to live on her own.
Step by step Olya got to know herself, her needs and aspirations more and more, learned new skills. We could not meet often, so working through difficulties on our own has become the main method of personal growth.
Olya did not become a super business woman, but she knows how to live in harmony with herself and the environment. She has a home, a job, and a lover. And more recently, she became a grandmother. And yet, in her diary every day she prescribes tasks for her own development. I recently swung at English)
Each of us can become the Author of His Life. Success!
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