2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am not ready to assert that what I describe below always happens, but when I often see such a reaction from my clients, the following hypothesis arises and is often confirmed.
When a parent has strong negative feelings for his / her child, most often it is strong, almost hysterical anger - and with this request comes for a consultation, then I immediately have a hypothesis that at the same age at which his / her child is now the parent has experienced trauma, and this trauma is associated with the same behavior as the child of the parent when he was young.
Moreover, the grandmother or grandfather (parents of the parent) behaved with this parent in the same way in this trauma as a parent behaves with his child - that is, it is a trauma that is passed down from generation to generation.
And when the parent manages to remember this situation and work it out in consultation (find another way out of it, work through the emotion "sealed" in this trauma) - this inadequate angry reaction to the child also goes away.
What can you do in this case to help yourself if there is no way to seek advice from a psychologist?
Pay attention to the bodily sensation a fraction of a second before this anger: it can be clenched fists, pressure in the stomach, back pain, etc.
Next, you need to come up with a way to remove this bodily reaction: hold open your palms with force, drink water, stretch, etc.
And if you apply this invented method every time you feel this bodily reaction: to anger, then this will either remove the sharpness of anger or even completely allow the impulsive reaction to be resolved.
And after you have coped with the reaction to the child - observe, and how do you show the same reaction to your partner?
This can be a very interesting and informative observation.
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