How To Live Completion?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The rules of residence are complete, so that it does not hurt excruciatingly for many years

The text was prepared based on Alena Yudina and Vladimir Kulishov at the gestalt intensive in Morskoye.

I know Alena as an existential psychologist, gestalt therapist, trainer and supervisor. Her words are very valuable to me, and I absorb her new lectures with pleasure, I digest and rethink them for a long time.

She reads this lecture together with Vladimir Kulishov.

I have the most interesting relationship with ending groups, leaving, moving, ending relationships. I am afraid of the resulting emptiness, the emerging feeling of bitterness, irrevocability - that "everything is gone and nothing can be returned." If something good leaves and ends, then I really want to avoid this goodbye-parting, to slip through it faster.

And if something unpleasant ends, then the resulting relief does not allow me to see the value behind all this and find meaning.

So how do you live the completion?

In order not to leave the hem in another room, pinched by the door?))

If we imagine our entire path as an ascent to the “top”, then “completion” is the point of staying at the top. With which you can look around the entire path and even what is "beyond the top" - what lies ahead - plans for the future and hopes.

And here it is important to ask the question - “What was that for me”?

Remember all the good and at the same time admit that there is something that did not happen. That there were some expectations that did not come true and this is sad.

The word "goodbye" itself contains "forgiveness." And we forgive precisely the fact that life is not perfect. We forgive the imperfection of the hotel administration, which did not warn about the changes, and nothing can be done about it; weather, which suddenly dropped the temperature by 10 degrees; the raging sea, which does not allow entry into it; to people who were near and somehow did not live up to our hopes. We forgive this imperfection of the world, saying goodbye to the place, completing the trip, some of our path, group, relationship.

Alena Yudina says that "you need to finish with love."))

Otherwise, it's like running out of the room and pinching the hem of the dress with the door. You can't run far - these feelings - disappointment, anger, discontent, understatement and unspokenness will still pull back.

Or as I imagine it - "the hem needs to be torn off." Break the relationship and leave with this hole and laceration inside.

“To end on love” is, in my opinion, to allow yourself to be honest with yourself and clear with other people. Recognize unjustified hopes, failed meetings and at the same time recognize the value and meaning of what happened.

What helps you see the meaning?

Impressions

What really impressed you? What surprised you? Left a mark on your soul? What gave aesthetic pleasure? What filled and changed you? What do you remember as something amazing? Or maybe even beautiful?

What are you impressed with?

Creation

What was new this time? Where did you apply creativity? What have you created here along the way.

Life creativity, as Alena says, is an opportunity to enjoy the way I live my normal life. And this is very appealing to me. I love such creativity.))

Loyalty to yourself

This is “the understanding that on all this path I have never abandoned myself, did not betray, did not abandon, did not abandon myself. That during all this time, I supported myself and encouraged myself, I have never abandoned myself. I stayed true to myself. I openly expressed my position. I was honest with myself and clear with others.

"Honesty with myself and clarity with others - this is the position in which I do not abandon myself and respect you."

Three things - impressions, creativity, and position - that people rely on to formulate meaning.

Daniil Granin said that, of course, there is no meaning in life and everyone lives in search of meaning. Life is a process of finding meaning. The meaning cannot be found anywhere outside, it can only be given to everything that happens.

To end a relationship, you need to say goodbye to love. Finding meaning in what was. Recognizing and grieving about what happened and noticing what was beautiful, inspiring and surprising in all this. Thanks to myself for non-commitment and creativity along the way.