2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Which hurts more, false or true? What to choose when it comes time to speak, to act?
Lies - we offend when it becomes known. Truth sharpens the relationship. So which is better - to endure, or to survive the clearing?
“Let's meet,” the invitation sounds. To be honest, I don’t want to, but I don’t have the strength to refuse directly. “Such a blockage at work, let's do it next time,” the answer is heard. There was a deception. On the one hand, he took care of himself - from the awkwardness of saving himself (maybe from the guilt that he refused). On the other hand, he did not offend the person whom you do not want to see, and you will not have to worry about his resentment.
But anxiety was born. Such a background. “What if he finds out that I don’t want to date? It’s a shame that I took advantage of the deception,”- the thought coils, now going into the depths, now rising to the surface.
Something prevents the truth from telling. Upbringing? Politeness? Or is this a form of refusal? And that, quite possibly, by copying the situation when he himself was refused. A child comes to an adult with a proposal to play, and he realizes that he does not want to be amused, but he is lying - now, I have business, let's do it later. And the child, the lie then feels, "later" rarely comes. Maybe it's true after all?
Or adultery. The same deception, only cumulative, from a multitude of little "deceivers". Something does not suit the person, is silent or says that everything is fine. "Turkey? Excellent!”, But will hide that he wants to go to Spain and harbor resentment, but at the same time he lies, smiles through force. Or in bed, from sex, wants something else. Or he likes sausage sandwiches, but chokes, eating those offered with cheese. Sometimes he hints, quietly, indistinctly, but they do not hear him, so he deceives, pretending that everything is fine. And this is "good", he begins to press, he should be put somewhere, so there is a third one who will listen, understand, and even console.
The partner may be ready to listen, but will he hear? It's sweet to stand at the helm and steer the ship on its own course. But when he finds out about the betrayal …
Scandal. You deceived me! I trusted you! And you did this! I’m EVERYTHING for you, and you? And in response: “So I said so! But quietly,”or only now it is becoming known who did not receive what and hid their own arrears through a salutary deception. How does "saving" come about? So, in fact, those kind of unpleasant feelings that are experienced when they talk about their need or dissatisfaction are avoided. And this is about the truth.
Someone fantasizes that if he / she says about his wishes, or tries to change the rules, then a loved one will be offended, or maybe leave, accusing him of not being loved. And that's his / her truth. For a man was once treated like this, or in a similar way, or he was with someone.
Fear confuses everything. It was the truth of the past and it does not apply to the current partner. But it is strong and in order for today's truth to appear, a person needs confidence that the shoots of the past will not sprout when he begins to speak. But they come up even before the mouth opens. Fantasy, projection, expectation have long taken their places and dominate, drowning any desire to speak about oneself, ask for oneself, ask for both.
But the lie is quite suitable and the price for it is acceptable. Nothing that somewhere crushes or nauseates, it's chronic, habitual. But with the truth, exacerbations occur, and this is no good. What if you like it in Spain? Or will it get hotter in bed? And the third person is useless.
So maybe it’s true? It's easier, to be honest. And the fear disappears that you have cheated. And everyone knows what is important to the other and can do something about it, and not assume what may be good for a loved one.
Of course, there is a minus in this truth. The fun game "Guess what I want and then I will believe that you love me" disappears. But it can be legalized by adding new rules or changing them every time. Make time and have fun.
You can do the same with deception. Officially declare the "Day of the Family Liar" and do it with all love for your neighbor.
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