New Year's Loneliness

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of my clients recently confessed: “The closer the New Year's holidays, the worse I get. I have no one to celebrate the New Year with. Suddenly I realize that I am completely alone - neither friends, nor a loved one.. After cognitive psychological work with thinking, I shared some general recipes with Olya. About how you can “cook deliciously” loneliness!

1. From loneliness to solitude

Viktor Frankl, who wrote a book about a psychologist in a concentration camp, taught us one simple thing: if we cannot change a situation, we can change our attitude towards it. He himself turned life in a concentration camp into one continuous transformation of the spirit, and, as a result, survived, retaining clarity of consciousness and gratitude for life. Of course, he would have laughed at the problems of a modern person who is forced to while away the New Year holidays alone. And I would suggest the following: if you are in a sour mood and have no desire to communicate, turn your "forced" loneliness into a voluntary retreat of solitude. Spend this short vacation with your dearest and closest person - yourself! To calm your mind, you can practice meditation simply by sitting in your room, watching your breath, listening to the sounds outside your window, taking a break from all your usual roles. Now there are special applications for phones, for example, the free Insight Timer - which will teach you how to meditate, and will provide musical accompaniment, and even help in finding like-minded people.

Learning to be with yourself - in comfort and peace - without running into social networks or "empty" relationships is the best gift you can give yourself for the New Year! Learning to meditate and working with a psychologist can move you significantly along this path.

2. Leap into simple new

Not busy days are the best time to learn something new. And this "new" does not have to be something global and expensive. For example, you can learn facial gymnastics or learn to touch-type on a keyboard. You can buy a subscription to a dance studio and try different types of dances, looking for what you like. Go to a cooking class or a trial English / Chinese lesson. Draw some watercolor paintings. Decide on a fresh photo session.

Make novelty your philosophy! If every day you try something simple new: a new pool, a new route around the city, a new sport, a new cake - these New Year's holidays will certainly not turn into a monotonous routine for you!

3. Take a break from yourself

Although this recommendation would seem to contradict the first point, in fact, they complement each other perfectly. Having gained peace and strength in solitude, you can visit those for whom human warmth and participation is especially important. These are old people, children and animals from shelters. Giving our attention to other beings, we come out of the cocoon of our own problems, and this, in itself, brings relief. And having received gratitude in return, we feel a surge of joy and energy. Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection from the world. When you share something, there is a feeling of oneness, belonging. And this gives such a subtle joy that sometimes cannot be compared with the pleasures one gets on another trip abroad.

Often the barrier to communication (and the development of a sense of loneliness) is to take this simple process too seriously. Here people have different things in their heads: “I don’t want to be imposed”, “I’ll call the first one - she will think that I want to start a relationship with her, and then she will not get rid of it”, “If we are friends, then she / he should be interested in my life, but I didn’t notice it..”and so on.

Imagine that we are all just fellow travelers in the same reserved seat carriage. The train goes, and sometimes we look at each other in a compartment with a faceted glass of tea in a cup holder, sit down and share our impressions of what is happening. If you enjoy socializing with some people, don't put up invented barriers around it. This is your joy - you pour the tea, and go into the compartment, and chat! It is likely that on the other hand, the person also experiences reciprocal feelings. And if you do not demand anything from him, do not teach him how to live and do not use as a vest, but simply sincerely share your feelings and thoughts, your joy from communication will be mutual. The main thing is "just like that"!