2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I often think about why we are so intolerant of the closest people: parents, sisters, brothers, spouses, children.
When we are in a relationship, we justify the behavior of men / women, but we do not tolerate the same behavior from relatives. We can afford to say words to parents that would be embarrassed to say to a friend or boss. Moreover, there are situations in which we behave extremely unpleasantly, significantly offend and hurt the most sore spots.
But who is the boss compared to our mother? Why are we afraid to say something to him, to freak out, to express our disagreement, but we are not afraid with mom?
Why the mistakes of friends, colleagues, just acquaintances, we explain, we treat with understanding and patience, and absolutely do not admit that our parents can also make mistakes. Why do we respond to help others, and the request of parents is annoying.
Many of us strive for mercy, compassion. At the same time, in relations with the most dear and close ones, it ends with another insult. It’s very easy to have feelings of compassion for those who have not made mistakes when interacting with us. When it comes to others, everything is fine, but with the most dear ones old stories come to mind.
There are many such stories with parents. Nobody is taught to be moms and dads. They were wrong in many ways, they could not hold back their emotions somewhere, they pressed their “want” or “need”, etc. When we are small, it is difficult for us to resist. Growing up, we look at all this as “parents are to blame,” “parents ruined childhood,” “parents didn’t give it away,” and so on. However, in spite of all this, I have rarely met someone who did not love their parents. Given the affection and warm, sincere, I would even say, unconditional feelings for family and friends (children and spouse are included here) why are we so intolerant of them?
I've asked myself all these “why's” many times. I came to the conclusion that we are so anxious to our relatives that we relax. We think they will understand. And they, in turn, expect that we will treat them carefully and protect them from our own attacks. Among other things, we ourselves are counting on the same on their part. As a result, it turns out that we are absolutely defenseless against each other. Instead of protecting, we take out all our negativity in a day and dump it on our loved one. Because we know that he will understand and accept.
He will not abandon us, will not deprive us of material wealth or personal communication. However, this is his weakness in front of us. We use it and hurt him. And on another day, already in his own situation, he does the same with us. Because he knows that we will understand and accept.
And yet, in the case of parents, we always take the position of a child-parent, and perceive them with a little childish gaze. For a child, the parent does not make mistakes, therefore our requirements are high, and it is very difficult to accept them not as perfect as our imagination draws. It's important to separate your imagination from what your parents do. Thus, you can understand how they show their love and care, as well as the moments in which they are wrong. It helps me a lot, and I often remind myself that my parents are ordinary people, like myself.
How do you answer your “why”? Do you ask them yourself?
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