2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I wanted to write this note bitingly - they say, women do not know how to take care of men. I even came up with the title as it should - "Women do not know what care is."
Then he took pity on those around him and reduced the intensity of the disclosures five times. Why am I scolding all women? I'll scold everyone at once, with one, so to speak, choh. Let everyone be offended.
Think you care about your partner? Nothing like this. The overwhelming majority of people do not know how to care in principle. And I am not saying this in a fit of sudden misanthropy or for the sake of a catchphrase. I am simply stating the reality - people do not know how to take care of their loved ones. Neither men can, nor women.
But they know how to patronize very well.
It's just that people confuse care and custody, replace the first with the second. People think that they care, when in fact there is no real care there. It doesn't even smell like it.
Don't believe me? Let's then take a look at the Small Academic Dictionary of the Russian Language. There we will see that there is concern - "attention to the needs, needs of someone."
And guardianship is called “care for the personal and property rights of incapacitated citizens (minors, mentally ill, etc.), as well as supervision over them, imposed by the state on someone. and carried out under the control of state power”. About power can be discarded. The key in guardianship is not she, but the word “incapacitated”.
As you can see, care and custody are very different. Guardians are those who cannot take care of themselves, and therefore the guardian has the right to make decisions FOR the ward.
Caring is another matter. Caring is attention to needs, attention to a person and, I would emphasize, attention to his personal territory and boundaries.
The difference between nurturing and caring is enormous.
Let's take a slightly anecdotal example. The woman went to the store and, passing by the men's socks department, bought her husband five pairs. What is it - care or custody?
In the described version - guardianship. The woman decided FOR her husband that he needed new socks, and bought them FOR him. It turns out that the husband is incapacitated, he can neither decide for himself, nor buy. Apparently very bad, sickly.
What would caring look like?
The woman went to the store and, passing by the men's socks department, called her husband and asked if he needed socks. And she acted in accordance with his answer (maybe I bought it, or maybe not; it all depends on how the husband answers).
This is concern.
Exactly the same is true for men. You can think of an example yourself.
The scheme is simple - you see that your spouse needs something (or you think you see it). You do not rush to do it right away, but ask your spouse. And you do it if your spouse doesn't mind.
This is an adult relationship.
Why custody is bad - I think it is already clear. Marriage, as I have repeatedly reported, is a union of two adults and equal people, and this is what is valuable. By maturity and equality.
However (and not only I notice this) equality in relationships is not so common. In practice, parent-child relationships are much more widespread. That is, someone is in charge, and someone is as if subordinate.
It is about such situations that they say when they use the adage that "a woman always has one more child than she has." That is, she has real children, and she also has a husband, who is also a child by a child.
For many men and many women, this situation is annoying - and it is understandable why. There is very little pleasure or joy in this parent-child relationship. More stress and coercion.
How to get out of them? In one note, you can't tell everything, of course, but taking care instead of taking care of it - just allows you to add adulthood to a relationship.
So, in order not to be a mommy to your husband, dear women, in order not to be a daddy to your wife, dear men, you just need to give up custody and switch to caring.
The question may arise - does all of the above mean that any custody is bad? No, it doesn't. Sometimes it is very pleasant when a person decides for you that you need to be covered with a blanket and / or bring hot tea. Or, say, he buys a gift that you would never have dared to buy for yourself.
But sometimes. That is, from time to time. That is, rarely. That is, not every time. That is - well, you get the idea. Sometimes - it means exactly "sometimes".
If you want, care should be 98%, and guardianship - 2%. And the only way - do not I be the most categorical psychologist in the world!
Bottom line - if you want an equal marriage relationship, show concern and avoid custody. It gets better.
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