Is Female Destiny An Escape From Freedom?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Now a new form of the female way of thinking has become very fashionable, through the prism of a certain “Female destiny”. This is a return to "sacred knowledge", and to a "truly female role", as well as many energy practices. In such places, even the attitude towards the participants of the training is special, they are called "Fairies".

At such trainings, they promise to teach femininity, teach to marry and share the secrets of how to be a good wife. Basically, nothing wrong. So far, the only alarming thing is that quite often girls and women come out of there, believing that the meaning of their life is in the family and it is necessary with a fierce desire to make a woman out of themselves (Goddess, Mistress, Queen), in general, according to the template given on training. That is, the fair sex is considered only in the context of relations with a man, as a kind of addition. They are trying to return a woman from modern society, where she "put on trousers" and return to the bosom of the family - to her husband, children and household.

Of course, now we can raise the issue of "women-leaders who are disliked by men" (a favorite example of coaches in the struggle for the institution of the family).

Oh, if you only knew how many times it was the other way around, when the strong only accepts the strong. Here I would cite a quote from my colleague P. Rakov: "A real man is looking for a Mistress (home and HER own! Space), and a weakling is looking for a servant." How much wisdom is in these words. But now I'm not writing about the balance of power and energy.

How is the concept of "Feminine destiny" revealed? Obviously, predestination, enveloping a woman's life in some specific form, characteristic only of the fairer sex. For example, “searching for YOUR destiny” implies the freedom to choose a certain path, in which there is a place for imagination, creativity, mistakes and unbeaten paths. But the "female destiny" has rather rigid forms: wife, mistress, mother, mistress and just a beauty.

Don't get it wrong, these are great roles. The bullshit begins when they begin to blindly and "excessively" follow, digging headlong into the values assigned to them.

A woman immediately tries to be an exemplary wife - after all, a man is "God", and her man needs to "serve"

Or she tries to give birth to many, many children in order to become an exemplary mother (especially when not everything is perfect the first time). Etc.

These women remind me of little girls doing their homework to Become a Real Woman. Only now, many do it not out of love for art, or at least for themselves, but because “this is how it should be”, “this is what they told at the training”. Especially when the question is heard, “How can I break this exhausting relationship? I’m the only one left.”

Lovely girls and women. The path to a mature personality lies through other questions

For example:

"What do I want from life?"

"What do I want to be?"

"What do I want to do in the coming evening and for the rest of my life?"

"What is valuable to me?"

“What do I want to exchange with the world and for what money?” And so on

Another colleague of mine, family psychologist P. Zygmantovich once said: "A girl becomes a woman when she can satisfy her own needs."

I argued for a long time, defending the right to be weak. And after a while I realized - it's not so much about the ability to make money and achieve goals. It's about the ability not to bring yourself to dependence on a man. Not only in a financial sense (you should at least hypothetically be able to do something in order to feed yourself in an elementary way in the event of a breakdown). More in an emotional sense - to become yourself both a mom and a dad. And, of course, Love yourself, so as not to close the holes in your soul with another person.

So, women looking for answers to other questions are objectively more interesting (the opinion of men is taken into account). They have the courage to think differently, to make choices and take responsibility (with this word they also like to scare at “women's” trainings, raising infantile girls who “should attract the mighty of this world”). A mature personality, she is always free, especially in Love, which is not tainted by dependencies and obligation. For her, each person is her own choice, each brightly lived day is also.

Erich Fromm once wrote a wonderful book Escape from Freedom. I recommend that you read and then answer yourself honestly to one simple question "Is the meaning of my life to become a wife, mother, and housekeeping?" Incredibly, the answer Yes is as correct as the answer No.

Someone might say that in this way we are destroying the institution of marriage and procreation of loners. This is wrong. With a similar ideology, we raise Adult people, women with their own, formed values, who, in fact, have much more chances for a long and happy relationship.