2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A girl in her thirties comes to see me, has a successful career, but is not married and has no children. I just broke up with my boyfriend, with whom they lived together for 3 years, they were planning a marriage. How did you plan? She went to women's trainings, trained her "femininity". Everyone was waiting for him to take responsibility for their relationship, to propose to her so that children would be born. That is, she planned, dreamed about it. She fulfilled a lot of prescriptions: to be silent, not upset, smile, rejoice, provide home life, always, under any circumstances, show pleasure! And, in fact, it was just convenient for him to live the way he lived. Why change something if everything is fine?
Unfortunately, I have several such clients. I think my fellow psychologists do too. The number of fooled women is on the rise. The trouble is that family relationships are not taught at school. Partner relationships too. The overwhelming majority of adults at heart remained small children with childish ideas about what a family should be like. And with zero knowledge of what needs to be done to create a happy marriage.
Women are more flexible in this regard. They are the ones who are looking for ways to develop relationships, read specialized literature, articles, attend trainings. And they often fall for the bait of the promoted doctrine of the "Vedic wife". I do not argue that it suits someone. Quiet girls who, since childhood, dreamed of getting up to the stove and raising five perky kids. Perhaps those who were brought up in religious families. Those. who have been in a similar environment since infancy. The rest awaits at least disappointment, resentment, anger. Can you imagine where internal aggression and discontent go if you constantly forbid yourself to express to your husband what is painful? There is self-doubt, misunderstanding in the family, psychosomatic diseases.
Today in the feed came across an article about female destiny. Quote: “Women should not be so diligent in searching for knowledge and practices, constantly reading, self-development, and work on themselves. It's better to just calm down, stop loading yourself with information, and start doing what you incarnated for - creating a space of love around yourself, giving love, care, kindness, smiles. This is our spiritual path, this is our self-realization and self-improvement."
Who is that person who does not read, does not develop and does not work on himself?
My dear readers. In the Slavic mentality, the responsibility for a happy, harmonious relationship lies with both partners. If a woman refuses herself, constantly driving her feelings into the dark corners of her soul, serving her husband as a master, believe me, he will not take responsibility either for her or for the family. Why would he do this when the huts are on fire and the horses are running? Herself.
A man takes responsibility when he wants it. When he's ready. When he is not afraid to be close to a strong woman, allowing her to do what she loves. When he is strong enough to start a family and develop in all areas of his life. It is impossible to force him to do something until he wants to!
A harmonious relationship in a couple is built on mutual trust and respect
Here are 4 basics for a happy marriage:
1. General views on life, a similar worldview. The worldview, in turn, is based on a person's personal values. Don't try to match your values to others. Look for someone with the same values - attitude towards family, parenting, friendship, work, etc.
2. Self-sufficiency of both partners. Spiritual, financial, mental. Respect for the partner's personality comes from self-sufficiency.
3. Sexual relationships, similar needs for the quantity and quality of sex, the desire and desire to touch, hug, hold hands, feel the warmth of another physically.
4. Ability to talk to each other. Do not be afraid to talk about your problems and be able to listen to others, with sincere interest and without interrupting.
No female trainings that increase the level of femininity will make your man strong and responsible, and your marriage happy and harmonious. Stop doing nonsense. Face it. Be yourself. Love yourself.
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