2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The word "values" can have an unattractive, judgmental connotation like Sunday school. Then it is associated with restriction, punishment and, worse, with evaluation. We've heard a lot about the "right" values (and about the wrong ones too), but what does this mean? And who decides what values are worth having?
I propose to look at values not as rules that should guide us, but as qualities of meaningful action that we can bring into many aspects of our life. Values are not universal. What is “right” for one person may be wrong for another. But identifying what's important to you - namely career, relationships, altruism, hedonism - the list of choices is long - gives you an invaluable source of continuity. Values are the psychological keel of your resilience.
Here are some other characteristics of values.
- They are freely chosen, and they are not thrown over you
- They do not bind, but guide you.
- They are active, not static
- They make it possible to get closer to the desired life
- They give freedom from social comparisons.
- They support self-perception, which is critical for mental health.
Above all, values are what can be used. They make it possible to move in the right direction of dear life, wherever it leads you.
A few questions to ask yourself to start defining your values:
- What, deep down, matters to me?
- What kind of relationship with life do I want to build?
- What should be the content of my life?
- How do I mostly feel? What types of situations are most important to me.
- If a miracle happened and excitement and stress disappeared from my life, what would my life be like and what new thing would I strive for?
- Are there any specific areas in which people turn to me for competent advice?
- What activities inspire me?
- Are there times when I feel the most lonely?
Answering these questions can help you begin to identify the cornerstones of your life.
The question of values is not about what is “right” or “not right,” but how it relates to your chosen path in life. When you know what is important to you, you can let go of what is not important to you.
If, for example, being a good parent is your value, and you understand it in your own way, then this is much more important than listening to the generally accepted ideas about "good parents." There are different parents in the world and the only correct type does not exist even in your city and environment.
Parenting is, of course, just one example. This principle can be applied to almost every aspect of life. One should start with one question: "When I think about today, what of all that I have done will I consider useful for myself?" This is not about what you liked or did not like to do on a particular day, but about what is valuable to you in it.
If after a few weeks you find that you have nothing to write down in response to a question, approach the problem from a different angle. When you wake up in the morning, ask yourself: "If this was my last day, what would I do to make it my most important day?" For example, if you value your relationship with a girl, but are used to not greeting her when she returns from work, you can greet her with a warm hug. When you do something new, think about whether it is worth the time spent, and soon you will have a list of important actions and activities for you.
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
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