7 Truths About Being Overweight. Why Diets Don't Work, And What To Do Instead? 


2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Translation: Sergey Baev, process-oriented therapist, translator

Research clearly shows - diet programs don't work! Not only because of the human factor, but also because of the diets themselves. We know that less than 10% of all dieters lose weight sustainably, about 50% end up gaining more than they lose, and that the most common result is weight fluctuation back and forth that is more damaging to health than if he remained overweight. In addition, today we are increasingly aware of the devastating impact our culture of “thinness” has on the self-esteem and health of girls and women.

Through my research and working with clients looking to lose weight, I have formulated seven basic internal dynamics and alternative exits. 7 "truths" about excess weight. In this article, I share these observations and offer my ideas on what to do instead of mindlessly following diets.

Truth 1: People who are trying to lose weight often suffer from strong internal and external criticism.

This is very important because most people go on a diet to feel better - which almost always means letting go of self-criticism! However, dieting to reduce internal rebuke is often ineffective because the root of self-reproach is often deeper and independent of body size or eating habits. And while the criticism that people recognize in themselves seems to be about their body, the basic critical attitude is likely to find new reasons to assert itself, despite the correction of what was considered to be the cause of self-dissatisfaction.

For example, many women deny their power and influence over the world and the relationships in which they find themselves; in fact, they have learned to fear or suppress the fullness of their abilities. When this happens, they not only begin to criticize themselves for being too vulnerable or showing themselves too angry, but they also tend to be more critical of their body. The power they don't use in their outer life turns against them from the inside! As a result, their self-flagellation does not go away from attempts to lose weight; it leaves only when the power that feeds it begins to be used for its intended purpose - in relations with people and in service to one's deepest ambitions.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Take a close look at what you criticize yourself for on a daily basis.
2. How long have you developed such a critical attitude towards yourself? Where did it come from?
3. Remember the first time you were criticized.
4. Imagine that you don't really deserve that kind of criticism. How would you like to be treated differently? What would you say to that person if you could?

Truth 2: People naturally resist shame and self-loathing, and subconsciously sabotage diets that come from this motivation.

Another reason why we should not listen to the inner criticism of our body is that it is in any case vile, ignorant and devoid of wisdom or spiritual perspective. Therefore, it is often much more beneficial to reject such criticism than to accept it and act in accordance with it. In fact, taking a stand against a critic is an act of strength and self-love that not only helps to defuse self-blame, but also promotes weight loss.

However, people rarely realize that it is their self-love that makes them resist the diet they have put themselves on. This is so contrary to the intuition of those who are on a diet and want to lose weight that they will most likely even resist what I am writing about here, explaining to myself like this: “I go on a diet because I care about myself, not coping because of their own inadequacy."

I recently worked with a woman who suffered for a long time trying to lose weight. In some years she did better, in some worse. She once told me: "I just want to like myself, regardless of my weight." These were some of the finest words I have ever heard from her. "What do you like about yourself?" I asked. There was silence for a while as I waited for her to answer. (I'm sure some part of her has been waiting for this much longer.) After a while I decided to help her by starting like this: “I like the purity of your words and desires. I like your simplicity. I like your humanity. I like your spirit. how I feel next to you when you ask this question.”We both smiled and tears rolled to our eyes.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Stop criticizing and shaming yourself for not sticking to your diet.
2. Deal with your critic! Show what he says: articulate his claims clearly and loudly, and then resist them with all the fury, straightforwardness and wisdom you can. This practice will maintain your self-love by strengthening your self.
3. Next, make a list of things to do and people to whom you would like to say "no", and proceed with the implementation of your plan.

For example, I once worked with a student in front of her classmates about her struggle with diet and her body image. It was a close-knit group, and the student felt the support of other women in the class who also had weight problems. Her name was Sandra, she hated her body, tried to lose weight over the years and failed again and again. Like many women, she criticized her appearance (about 97% of women are cruel to themselves because of their body image). She was embarrassed to go outside, wear certain clothes, order certain food, or approach men she was attracted to. I modeled the internal criticism she gave me earlier, telling her: "You are fat; you should stay at home, should be ashamed of yourself and, of course, should not think that you deserve to have a partner that you like!" At first she looked resentful and depressed, but when I encouraged her to respond, fight back, she straightened up and began to smile. Just thinking about how to resist internal criticism, she already felt better, like other women in the group who felt with her. resonance. I asked Sandra where else she makes herself obey external demands or people she does not like. She said that this happens at work and sometimes in communication with children. Her "homework" was more often to say in such situations "no ".

Truth 3: People who are "bigger" - more influential, more powerful - than they think naturally resist programs designed to make them "less."

Many people, especially women, try to live within boundaries that are too small for their intelligence, creativity, wisdom, feelings and spirit. And while they can successfully suppress their personality, their bodies find a way to manifest the "potential" they suppress. Unfortunately, if they are dieting to make their body smaller, their psyche may perceive this as another attempt to limit what they are capable of and find creative ways to resist, frustrating weight loss efforts. This dynamic reminds me of the words of the big blue genie from Disney's Aladdin. Aladdin asked the genie what it was like to be so powerful. Jin replied, reminding Aladdin where he lives: “Phenomenal cosmic power! And such a tiny apartment …"

Take, for example, Sally, who since childhood was called “stocky”, “hefty”, “big girl”. She spent most of her life trying to lose weight in order to get rid of those definitions and be more like her sister and other girls.

She continued to be criticized when she joined the army, claiming that her hips were too big, although she successfully passed all tests of strength, agility and speed. She went so far as to smear hemorrhoids cream on her thighs at night and wrap them with Saransk film on top to make her thighs smaller.

A few years later, she came to me wanting to become an emergency medical technician and asked if I thought she should give up the idea as she was her figure was still far from perfect. She still tried to make herself smaller - a woman of great strength, influence and ambition. Soon after our work, she reached her next goal and was happy.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Find out how much stronger, more beautiful, smarter, more incredible you are than people - including you - think of you.
2. Name your qualities and see the framework in which you live, but which have become too small for you.

Truth 4: It takes strength and courage not to stick to a diet when it really isn't right for you.

People make tremendous efforts - financial, emotional, intellectual, and mental - to lose weight. They run a furious campaign to change themselves. However, the question they rarely ask themselves is, "What part of me doesn't support the course I have taken?" It is this part - the one that resists the diet - resists the massive onslaught of your efforts and criticism and … still wins! But this requires great strength and courage! The problem is this: most people treat this part of themselves as nothing more than the enemy. When people gain access to this power of theirs, they can move mountains; when they fight it, they usually lose.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Instead of thinking and feeling that you are a failure or a failure, just imagine how much strength it takes to resist your own weight loss efforts, including all the opinions that you and others hold that underpin your weight loss efforts!
2. Who do you know who might be strong enough to challenge or resist these efforts and opinions?
3. What helps them in this: self-love, courage, strength, faith, good friends, family support?
4. Imagine that you are a person with such power.
5. Where would you find it most useful? What would you allow yourself to resist in life: what kind of people, rules of behavior, etc.?

Truth 5: Our eating habits and preferences contain subtle but deep indicators of our beliefs and life path.

Counselors, therapists, diet planners, and everyone else must make it clear once and for all: people are NOT stupid, lazy, ugly, ignorant, undisciplined, or otherwise pathological. People behave in one way or another - including their preference for certain foods - for reasons that are meaningful and worthy of our deepest compassion and study. If food, diet and the appearance of your body are problems that you struggle with all the time, the nuances of what and how you eat are the best place to look for the source of your wisdom, spirit and true nature.

I remember a woman who loved ice cream with rum and raisins. She was a spiritual seeker and meditated a lot. I asked her what it was like to eat rum and raisin ice cream. I said, "Listen deeply to yourself when you imagine trying this ice cream." She heard "OM" in her heart, which helped her connect with her deepest spiritual experiences. In fact, in many ways, her experience of this ice cream was closer to what she was looking for than the experience she achieved during meditation. She realized that her meditation should be a little more like a rum and raisin ice cream - she needed more calming vibrations and less harsh discipline that she used to adhere to.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Think about one of your favorite foods.
2. Slowly, carefully and consciously feel how it is when you enjoy it. You don't have to criticize yourself; just focus completely on your experience, noticing feelings (euphoria, relaxation, daydreaming, detachment, excitement, playfulness, etc.)by noting the images (do you see in your imagination children, old people, clouds, birds, etc.), listening to melodies and songs that may arise in your head.
3. Focus on these feelings, images and sounds. Express your feelings through dance; images through drawing, caricatured exaggerating those aspects that attract you; melodies, humming them out loud.
4. Imagine that you can live this way. How is this lifestyle different from the way you live now? What can be wonderful about living life this way?

Truth 6: When people listen more to themselves, to their Self, changes in their food preferences and behavior patterns become easier and more stable.

While weight loss programs almost always focus on food and exercise, the psychological truth is that there is no substitute for a fuller, more manifest and authentic life if we are to solve the overweight dilemma. While many argue that we need a life plan for our weight, the truth is that we need a life plan for our lives! Or, as my teacher Max Schupbach once said: "Instead of asking what you want to eat, ask yourself what you want to live!" I have spoken to many people who "mysteriously" lost weight as they walked out of a painful relationship, changed careers, returned to school, became more creative, and questioned the social biases that were hurting them. Note that this has nothing to do with food or exercise!

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Ask yourself, "What do I want from life?" What would you change in your life if you were completely free, would you go back to school, or would you just take a few lessons to learn a new skill or craft, would you look for a new job, or would you turn to your boss for a promotion to your desired position? garden, paint the room a new color, read more books?
2. Analyze the fantasies that come to your mind and think seriously about how you could start making these changes a reality.

Truth 7: When people begin to perceive their body differently, their relationships with other people also change.

Our bodies are incredibly intelligent. By spending most of our time trying to get our body to match the desired self-image, we should actually spend more time trying to match the desired self-image with the wisdom of our body. Listening to the wisdom of our body means taking into account that its desires (including food), as well as size and shape, contain the seeds of intelligence. One of the messages that our body often sends to us concerns how we relate to people or they relate to us. For many clients I have worked with, building a loving relationship with their body has led to the severing of forms of relationships with people that no longer suited them.

For example, one woman I worked with saw her husband as an ally in her weight loss efforts. He helped her remember her goals and praised her for her successes. However, as she developed a more loving relationship with her body, she began to wonder if he was criticizing the way she looks now and if that was part of his "support." She was so used to not loving her body that she did not notice the resentment she felt when people “agreed” with this dislike of her. In addition, she noticed that her husband criticized not only her body, but also other ways of expressing herself in front of people.

What to do instead of a diet?

1. Consider the possibility that in some of your relationships you may feel overwhelmed, disrespectful, incomprehensible, or inaudible.
2. Trust your feelings completely for a moment (do not analyze them or try to determine if they are "right" or "acceptable").
3. Now imagine that you are your best friend, who will completely protect your feelings.
4. What would this friend say to the person who offends you?

Thank you for joining me on this journey of seven truths about diet and weight loss!

David Bedrick