Will The Day Be Brighter With A Smile?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is an opinion that we have "good" and "bad" emotions. And "bad" emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness, disgust, should be avoided, and try to experience and demonstrate only "good" emotions.

It is my deep conviction that there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions are equally important and necessary. This is our signaling system and connection to reality. If we lose touch with our emotions, we lose touch with reality. After all, you can think of anything you want.

For example, anger.

"What are you talking about? I am a teacher and have devoted my whole life to children. I am a kind person and never get angry." Marya Ivanovna yells with a flushed face, clenching her fists. It is obvious to any person observing Marya Ivanovna at the moment that she is in a fit of rage. But Marya Ivanovna is unaware of this, and when they tell her that she is now angry, she becomes even more angry and argues fiercely. Because Marya Ivanovna knows from childhood that it is bad to be angry and only bad people get angry, but Marya Ivanovna is not a bad person and that means she is not angry. Marya Ivanovna does not realize her anger, her connection with reality has been lost.

The signal function of anger is to inform us that something superfluous invades our boundaries or something, on the contrary, is badly lacking. Having received this signal, we can think - what is happening now? What am I missing now or how are my boundaries now being violated? And then we have the opportunity to do something.

Sveta came to visit her relatives. And her aunt, sympathetically looking at Sveta, putting a salad on her, asks her - how is it going with you and Vasya? Has he proposed to you yet? And then Sveta notices that her breathing is quickening, her eyes narrowed, her jaws clenched. Sveta realizes that she is now feeling angry and understands what this means that her boundaries have just been violated. And they were violated by her aunt, who, under the guise of care and sympathy, intervenes in her life, apparently with the aim of gloating and feeling significant and in order, unlike Sveta, who was never proposed. Now Sveta can defend herself and restore her boundaries. Alternatively, by telling your aunt that this is their business with Vasya, and they will figure it out themselves. And if Sveta had not realized her anger, taking at face value the unctuous appearance of her aunt, then most likely she would have felt bad, began to experience anxiety and awkwardness, would have begun to justify Vasya or tell that she is already fine, argue with her aunt and try to prove something to her or not argue and not prove, but feel like a dull shit.

If we are not aware of or ignore our anger, we do not receive an important signal, and we are deprived of the opportunity to use it or act unconsciously and not always in the best way.

Another example - "I love my wife very much, says the husband at the reception at the psychotherapist" - clenching his fists. “I notice that now, when you talk about your wife, you are clenching your fists,” says the therapist. "Oh, really," says the husband. "What do you think it could mean?" the psychotherapist asks. “I think I'm angry with her,” the husband says in surprise.

These examples also show the connection between emotions and bodily manifestations. Our body never lies, in contrast to our ideas.

You can convince yourself as much as you like that you are a happy person, because you have a good job, a wife, children, an apartment, a car and a summer cottage, but if you have an extinct look, then it is obvious that you are not happy. And only noticing this, you can move on to the next question - why? And then there is a chance to do something with your life. If you do not notice your emotions and live in illusions, then there is no chance.