Loneliness Vs Depression. Francine

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Continuing with the “difficult client” theme, I want to share a chapter on therapy for lonely clients. The first part describes the story of one client, the second - the author's view of the problem of therapy of "loneliness".

Francine was mistakenly diagnosed with depression by a psychiatrist. She really looked depressed - sleepy, mournful, indifferent. Since she was married and held a high position in a large company, there was no reason to assume that the reason for her suffering lay in the lack of social contacts. In addition, getting the client out of the state of loneliness is not included in the circle of the traditional tasks of the psychotherapist; this state is not mentioned either in a textbook on psychiatry or in a psychological dictionary.

Although Francine appeared to be a typical depressive patient at first glance, in reality the reason for her suffering was loneliness. The fact that the psychiatrist insisted on his diagnosis (and prescribed medication for her in such cases) only exacerbated her loneliness. The client felt disconnected from other people and felt an urgent need for close relationships.

Over the years, she tried to communicate with her own husband, but met only ridicule and rejection. The husband declared that he loved her (as it may have been), but was completely unable (or simply did not want) to show his wife even the slightest sympathy. They had sex twice a week, and she felt like she was being used like a dumb animal. Francine tried to discuss her feelings with friends, but they were horrified by her immodesty and did not want to continue the conversation.

Francine's relationship with friends was stereotyped, lacking in true warmth and intimacy. In the company it was possible to discuss clothes, work and general family problems, but it was not customary to touch on “slippery topics”. These included personal experiences, fears, doubts and innermost thoughts. Thus, Francine was completely alone: she desperately hoped that someone would understand her.

Francine was unlucky enough to find a psychotherapist who believed that objectivity and passive behavior promoted the development of transference relationships. She found him cold, detached, boring and inattentive. But she was used to such treatment from her husband and father and did not complain. This was her fate - superficial, detached relationships with others.

Francine met with her therapist twice a week, poured out her heart and cried constantly. This remarkable man watched from behind a large table, taking notes along the way. For several months, he did not say a single word to her, only persuaded her to be patient and continue taking medications for depression. When she spoke about her loneliness, he would turn the conversation to another topic, asking a question about dreams or family history. She felt as if there was not a single living person in the whole world. No one understood her, did not show care and attention, not even the doctor, whose professional duties included this.

Lonely and suffering from depression, with no hope for the future, Francine died. Of course, she did not fall out of her chair one day, death from loneliness was gradual. One day, similar to all the others, she woke up, feeling a spot of dried semen on the sheet and acutely aware of the hopelessness of her situation. She went to the bathroom, where her husband was shaving, and tried to talk to him: did he feel good with her yesterday? What would he like for dinner? How are things at work? In response, the husband only mumbled, and then asked to leave him alone. Defending himself, he invited her to talk about this nonsense with a psychiatrist.

After lunch, Francine left work and went to a psychotherapy session. On that day, she stepped back from her ritual and did not cry, but tried to call the doctor into a conversation, distract him from the notes and make him see her as a living person. In the end, she lost her patience and yelled at him, accusing him of being the same as everyone else - he did not care about her.

The doctor looked up for a moment, she thought he was about to answer, but he just nodded slowly and asked her to continue. An entry appeared in the log that the transfer was proceeding normally. At the end of the session, he said, "See you Thursday," Francine did not answer.

She went out into the street. It was a cold, windy, cloudy day, her head squeezed from a sharp pain, she was momentarily blinded, as if from a bright light. It was difficult to breathe, my legs were giving way. The woman looked up and saw hundreds of cars in which people were in a hurry about their business. A couple were standing nearby; the young people were talking animatedly, not paying attention to the piercing wind. At that moment, Francine suddenly realized that she had nowhere to go. Even if she made an attempt to go around the entire globe, hardly anyone would notice. Despite numerous superficial connections with many people (the faces of her acquaintances instantly surfaced in her memory, especially those who treated her well - the boy who cleaned the yard, the woman who did her hair), but they all seemed alien to her. She had no one to love, and no one loved her.

For the first time in months, Francine found her purpose. She headed for the shopping arcade. (The police will later assume the woman was on her way to the pharmacy because they will find a prescription for depression medication in her pocket.) Suddenly, Francine stopped in the middle of a busy street, as if something in the gray sky had caught her attention. At that moment she was hit by a minibus. The loneliness is finally over.

Continued