The Husband Does Not Want Sex With His Wife. Why? The Reasons Why The Husband Does Not Take The Initiative In Sex?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Husband doesn't want to have sex with his wife? To start the conversation, I will give you an example of a male position and a letter from my email:

Alexander, 41 years old. My marital experience is 16 years, my wife Irina, two daughters are growing up. Many people envy our family, for many we are a real example. However, those who envy us, of course, do not know that of all the years of our marriage, we had normal intimate relations only for the first three years, until the moment when our first daughter was born. Since then, in this part of our relationship, everyone has been dying and dying. For the last two years, we have had sex no more than once every two weeks or even a month. And, as a rule, on the initiative of the wife. More precisely, on my initiative, when it becomes completely unbearable for me to look at the fact that my wife is clearly hinting at this and is already even angry.

And I immediately emphasize that I am not impotent at all! I like sex, I want a woman every day, but somehow it turns out that the desire of a woman and the desire of my own wife do not coincide with me personally! I will say more: despite the fact that my wife looks very good and has a decent figure, I regularly cheat on her with almost those with whom I have to. I do not make any long ties, I am not going to fall in love and I just reduce everything to banal sex: we slept and went home.

Now listen to what I came for. I came because when I was trying to understand what prevents me from having normal sex with my wife, who, as I said, is not yet old (she is 37 years old), looks at the level, but I still eat I have the best feelings for her, I realized the following: I am naturally ashamed of what I would like to do with her in the field of intimacy! Let's say I want oral sex, I would gladly offer my wife to do this, but when I look at how she lovingly prepares dinner for me, I immediately feel ashamed that I would do something with that who treats me so carefully. I would like, as in our young years, to break into her bathroom and do sex there right on the washing machine, but I can immediately imagine with what surprise she will look at me at the same time, how she will ask what this has come over me, and all my enthusiasm is here it disappears. I would suggest that she diversify our bed menu with a vibrator or anal sex, but when I see her sitting on the couch in her dressing gown with a magazine in her hands, I again feel ashamed!

It seems to me that with her daily worries about our family and fatigue from work, the best thing that I could do for her is to gently and gently cover her with a blanket, kiss her forehead and … discharge my accumulated wild sexual energy with a completely foreign one for me a lady! With one that I can force to do what I want, which I can wildly knock on the floor and literally throw myself sexually, which after oral or anal sex I will not be ashamed to look in the eyes and all that jazz …

Just tell me: is there something wrong with me ?! I'm a weirdo?! Tell me, how often do you have fools like me? After all, I really understand that my wife sometimes wants sex herself, and she really deserves a more attentive attitude towards herself, including a more attentive sexual attitude. However, it is true that I am terribly ashamed of all this! Ashamed, as if I were fourteen years old. I was not so ashamed to have sex even when I first started doing it at seventeen, but now I am ashamed to undress that woman dear to me, with whom I have lived for so many years and have two children! Well, am I not crazy ?! Tell me: have you already come across this in your practice ?! And in general: is it being treated?

Such are the male thoughts about what prevents them from showing their sexual attention to their wives or girlfriends. Men, as you can see, are not impotent and want sex almost every day. However, for some reason, they do it mainly with completely different women! As a result, these men:

• - they themselves receive additional psychological stress and are forced to live all the time fearing that their left ties will one day be revealed and a scandal will occur;
• - are doomed to lead an irregular intimate life, which combines periods of forced sex with their own wives (or still girlfriends) and periods of leftist relationships;
• - deprive their legitimate "halves" of a normal sex life, thereby worsening their physical health and mood (and their own health and mood too);
• - after two or three years of an extremely meager intimate life, they literally push their wives onto the path of betrayal;
• - as a result, they bring the situation to the crisis of family relations, and often to divorce …

And all this, as we saw with you, simply due to the fact that a fairly large part of men, having lived together (or made friends) with their ladies for a more or less long period, you see, suddenly begins to feel embarrassed in the sphere of intimacy of exactly what once they were not at all shy! And speaking about the fact that there are quite a lot of such men, I am not deceiving you at all. My own research on this issue has shown that this problem is primarily characteristic of men who are inclined to constantly analyze their own behavior, that is, first of all, for men with higher education and a certain good manners. According to my polls:

At least one in three men with higher education

is prone to starting after three to seven years of family life

be ashamed of their own sexual requests and ashamed of their

intimate activity in relation to his wife.

I draw your attention to the fact that these men are by no means shy of sex at all! On the contrary, we can clearly talk about the following pattern: the more such men are ashamed of sex within their family, the more frankly, variety and even harshness they engage in intimate games with those ladies who are outsiders to them.

So this is what I want to say about this.

As a professional in the field of love and family psychology, I know for sure: all one hundred percent of those women who then cease to be perceived by their husbands as sexual objects and begin to evoke in them only a sense of deep human respect (without any hint of eroticism), in fact, they still really want intimate caresses and are acutely worried that their family sexual relations are frankly withering and begin to cause not joy, but sincere grief. Accordingly, all those male thoughts that supposedly married women no longer want intimacy at all, I personally completely exclude! They not only want intimacy, but quite often they even want to! And in this regard, you and I have a paradoxical situation: both man and woman want sex equally, but at the same time:

• - Married women (common-law wives, long-term friends) often simply cannot convey their intimate wishes correctly, cannot successfully convey them, and thus seem to their husbands non-sexual.
• - But their men suddenly for some reason become ashamed to offer their wives to have sex (especially a variety of sex). And as a result, in a couple, sexual relations first collapse, and then relations in general collapse.

Why does everything happen this way?

The correct answer to the question of why (the husband does not want sex with his wife) everything is happening this way is precisely contained in this paradox. The whole problem of the situation we described above is that after some time after the start of a long relationship (or after getting married), girls and women actually gradually rearrange their behavior towards non-sexual behavior, but, if I may put it this way, “the average . That is, they can still look great, they are wonderful housewives and exemplary mothers, but alas: according to their usual already family behavior, their husbands absolutely cannot understand: do they want sex or not?

And since men (as opposed to women who are convinced that their husbands are obliged to have sex with them simply because they are their wives) are set up in such a way that they absolutely need to get an external signal before having sex, make sure that a lady really wants sex, it is precisely the absence of such special intimate signals in the family (and long love) life that significantly reduces male sexual activity.

That is, in fact, the whole problem (the husband does not want sex) lies not so much in the fact that men supposedly get used to their ladies, but in the fact that after some time these same ladies lose their skills to clearly and interestingly convey their sexual interest, they stop behaving intimate and defiantly in front of their husbands, they begin to think that family sex is already possible without it, and … in the end, they remain without sex! They are becoming a beloved food processor, but they are no longer perceived as those who want something intimate there! (Therefore, it’s not surprising for me for a long time when, at a personal reception, wives complain to a psychologist about the lack of sex in the family, and their husbands stare at them in surprise and say: What do you really want sex? you don't need it for a long time !!!).

In this regard, I remind you:

Whoever says what, but the main motive of male love acquaintances is always sexy! The most important motive for female love acquaintances is communication!

Accordingly, when a man decides to meet a girl, this means with almost one hundred percent accuracy that he wants her sexually. But when a girl meets a man, she is usually guided by many other motives at once. For example:

• - she wants to communicate with some new person for herself;
• - she wants to feel needed by someone;
• - she wants someone to take care of her;
• - she wants some kind of variety in life, spending interesting leisure time (including at someone else's expense, if the girl is not rich);
• - she wants to expand and increase her social ties, acquire new useful contacts;
• - she wants to break out of the usual home circle, free herself from the obsessive parental care, change her place of residence;
• - in the end, every girl wants to get married.

And here we are dealing with the following. Realizing that men want something different from communication than their new acquaintances, at first the ladies really try to meet men's expectations and try to look and behave in such a way that it can be called sexy. And in this sense, we can say that special ostentatious sexual behavior is actually nothing more than a temporary female bait, a kind of means to attract male attention. This special ostentatious sexual behavior itself may not reflect real female sexuality at all and, moreover, even be completely opposite to it. But since an ordinary man does not know this, for some time he is sincerely convinced that his girlfriend wants sex in about the same way as he does. A man, as it were, ascribes to his girlfriend his own understanding of the essence and expediency of love intercourse and therefore does not understand that this female conscious play at a sexual lady, unfortunately, is most often only temporary. In this sense, we can say this:

Women's ostentatious sexuality is just a way to attract male attention and tie a friend to himself so much that he makes her a marriage proposal. But from a male point of view, love relationships and family are just a collection of many of those burdensome duties that are an unpleasant addition to the possibility of regular free sex and the right to become the father of a child.

But then the most unpleasant begins. Having created a long-term love relationship or getting married, ladies (some - abruptly, some - gradually) seem to "switch", noticeably change their intimate behavior. As I said, from a female point of view, the successful performance of all household or maternal functions is a completely normal and even valid reason for their own husband (friend) to provide them with regular quality sex. That is, a woman may want a man sexually, if only simply because this man is her husband. But in male psychology, alas, all this is different! For a man to want a woman, the circumstance that this woman is his own wife and an excellent housewife is catastrophically small and apart from a good attitude, this does not cause any special erotic feelings.

In the psyche of a man, there is no desire for intimacy with a woman, simply because these women are his wives!

My surveys revealed that from the point of view of the vast majority of men, In fact, sex is not an alluring female body or relationship, sex is a SPECIAL female BEHAVIOR.

And this is where the problem arises - the husband does not want sex:

I remind you: the main motive of female love acquaintances is communication, the desire to have someone nearby. But the main motive of male love acquaintances is the desire to provide themselves with sex. But a man is usually sexually active only when he notices such female behavior, which he regards as sexual. In real life, a man does not run to get to know everyone in a row: he chooses, first of all, those ladies who, in his opinion, behave in such a way as to specifically signal their desire for sex, their desire to create a love and intimate relationship with someone. (A man can be very mistaken in this, he can misinterpret female behavior, but this is not important! The main thing is that even reacting to a woman’s fictional readiness for sex, the man still reacted precisely to the peculiarity of female behavior, to the fact that it was like something different from the usual household, educational, friendly or official!).

And the whole problem here is that, having already created a long-term relationship or a family, most women gradually cease to behave precisely sexually, demonstratively, playfully, aggressively, humorously, they do not consider it necessary to make their behavior SPECIAL the way they themselves did at the beginning of the relationship. Married women seem to be in line with harsh or smiling housewives, they may be just perfect, but they no longer demonstrate exactly that special behavior that men perceive as sexual! And so oblivion comes into the intimate sphere …

I emphasize again why the husband does not want sex:

For the excitement of male sexuality, it is the female demonstrative sexual behavior that is primary (playfulness, smiles, laughter, special look, special gestures), and beautiful underwear and dressing gowns, a well-groomed body, a good haircut, manicures and tanning salons are nothing more than secondary!

Unlike women who can have sex even with just those men whom they value and respect, with those whom they consider “theirs,” men consider those ladies whom they clearly respect are especially non-sexual! But those ladies whom they do not respect, but who behave sexually interesting, they really, really want to get into their bed. And they just may not respect a woman because of her demonstrative sexuality, but at the same time, they can want her sexually especially strongly!

Men rarely have sex with those ladies

whom they respect. They usually have sex with those ladies

whom they want, or rather with those who know how to do so, so that men want them.

Now I'm sure you understand everything perfectly. Unlike women, for whom the sexual motive in communicating with her husband is only secondary to common household and maternal concerns, the primacy of male sexual motivation in a long-term love affair or family does not disappear at all! A woman is in the mood for sex with her husband simply because it is her husband and he treats her well. But why the husband does not want sex, it is not enough for him that she is a wife: he needs his wife to behave exactly like a woman, that is, emphatically sexy, slightly aggressive, if I may put it that way, somewhat "vulgar" and "dirty", a bit playfully shamelessly. But if she behaves correctly and calmly, if she wears beautiful underwear, but at the same time she only wears it, and does not secretly show off her panties from under a robe, if she comes up to the marital bed in the evening, undresses and just lies down in it (counting on the fact that her husband will automatically want her right there), then you can be firmly sure: normal intimate relations in this couple will not last very long! And therefore I ask you to remember:

Simple household female behavior, even if it is standard and arouses sincere respect and admiration in a man, is still associated with the maternal style of relationships and is inherently anti-sexual.

This is where male shame is born! Seeing in front of him a cozy and all such homely wife, without fixing her specifically emphasized sexual behavior, a man-husband sees in her only a certain analogue of his mother, an analogue of the one who once told him in childhood that sex is bad and, catching on masturbation or viewing erotic maps, she mercilessly scolded (and this boy-child himself, even in his thoughts, could not imagine his mother having sex!). A woman-mother is something that for a man is not just nonsexual, but especially anti-sexual, suggests a certain "sinfulness" of intimate life and the fact that all this is very, very shameful.

Since one of the tasks of sex that is so forbidden in childhood is, among other things, instant emotional liberation, the explosion of those supposedly indecent passions that are usually forbidden, for a man sex, by its definition, cannot be associated with quiet family happiness, cannot be measured and a must! Sex for a man is an explosion, an opportunity to show his, if I may say so low, animal nature, an unexpectedly received sweet right to knock down, take possession and force his girlfriend to do exactly what he wants! And as you yourself understand, it is almost impossible to show your masculine bestial erotic rampage in relation to the mother, in relation to the one whom the man values and respects!

That is why, having a beloved and respected wife, men so often strive for "real sex" with those whom they do not respect, do not value, do not know whom they simply use, with whom they simply have sex for the sake of sex: with casual acquaintances, fellow travelers, seconded together, prostitutes, legendary secretaries, those ladies who depend on them financially, etc. etc. To those whom men appreciate only because they behave precisely sexually: they not only dress appropriately, but also undress ESPECIALLY appropriately, behave accordingly. That's all.

Main results

Concluding most of the theoretical part (sorry for my tediousness!), I really want my dear readers:

• the husband does not want sex - they managed to better understand their own friends or husbands, who can behave within the family (or a long-term couple) as sexually cool, but at the same time desperately want intimate games, as their own suffering from lack of male attention wives and girlfriends (that is, just my readers);
• the husband does not want sex - they began to understand more clearly what men understand by the sexually provocative, sexually attractive behavior of their wives and girlfriends;
• the husband does not want sex - they stopped taking offense at their men because of the fact that they are sexually ignored, they realized that there is an element of female guilt in their behavior;
• the husband does not want sex - they made the right conclusions for themselves that will help them to rebuild their love or family behavior in a timely manner in the direction of greater compliance with male ideas about female sexual attractiveness, to become more desirable for their husbands (friends);
• the husband does not want sex - in the end, they completely restored normal intimate relations within the framework of his own couple, and not within the framework of any leftist relationship.

And in order for all this to work out for you, you must make certain efforts so that the man dear to you not only loves, respects and appreciates you, but also wants to, believes that it is still possible to have sex with you, understands that you want it too! So that the very thought that he would like to play intimate games with you and offer you something of this kind does not cause him a feeling of shame, and your completely correct domestic behavior ceases to be associated with his mother's behavior and begins to cause at least some erotic associations …