About Intrinsic Value. "It Turns Out You Can Not Like It!"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It turns out you can not like it …

More precisely, do not do it on purpose. Ok, now I'll tell you my story. A long long time ago, I learned long and hard to please others. Because … well, because "it should be." I suppose this is familiar to many. This is how we ("good boys and girls") are brought up. The most disgusting thing is that over time, this very "should like" falls somewhere inside, like a seed, is forgotten (!) And sprouts. And it becomes a part of ourselves. And then you have to live with it. For the time being, for the time being, or rather before psychotherapy, which again pleases! And then all the interesting things begin.

So how does it work? I will describe it with my example.

The first thing that happens is that a new role is opened, usually diametrically opposite. And this is precisely access, for the role itself has always sat inside, but in the "shadow" (hello, Carl, who is Jung). Well, because a person is integral by nature. And if you try to become too white on the outside, then inside you inevitably begin to blacken. Life abhors splitting. So, if earlier it was possible to be only a "good boy", then as a result of psychotherapy, the role of a "bad asshole" appears in the access. Sometimes you can just hear it (and this is already super), sometimes you can allow it to act. Although there are options here as well. She can act cautiously, as if exploring new opportunities (they say, "how is it - not to like others?"), And can quite sharply and harshly, according to the principle of "got it" (if only not to harm herself and others). This is normal, because how long has she been in captivity.

What is the bottom line? As a result, there is relief and sadness. Relief, because the forbidden and the restrained (and considerable effort was unconsciously spent on restraint) has now become legal and accessible. To a certain extent, I have now become "more". And sadness, because many "loved ones" will now inevitably turn away, because I have ceased to be convenient for them.

The second thing that happens next is the search for balance. Now there are two roles, two ways to live. Both are available, but separate for now (spoilers). And at this stage, experimentation begins - what if here to be "good", and here "bad"? And if the other way around? And in what proportions? Is this right for me? And others? How would you like it? This is sometimes referred to as "finding good shape". Life in this place is definitely getting wider. And it is also unambiguously more difficult (after all, there is a lot of things with which it is not clear how to handle)! Here psychotherapy continues its work, but it becomes not so necessary as it is interesting. This stage can be delayed. He has a lot of life, a lot of interest. And there are many more anxieties and questions. And that's okay too.

The third comes imperceptibly. Rather, as a statement of fact. It's not clear how, but at some point you realize that you are no longer looking for balance and not experimenting. There is no need. You no longer have to choose - think about yourself or others, be good or bad. Somehow it all came together, mixed and returned to you in the form of something whole, indivisible and amazingly natural, your own!

You are no longer someone who should please others and follow someone else's rules. But you are not the one who has to fight for yourself, prove and win the right to your life and your opinion. Now you are neither white nor black. Not good or bad. But some kind of natural, real. And alive. Yes, this is perhaps the main thing - very ALIVE!

And this is where miracles begin! Your value begins to come (although in fact it is simply confirmed, because it is already inside, as something natural) from where they did not expect. You don't have to deserve it. It comes from unexpected people in unexpected situations. And what is amazing is that it happens when you simply surrender to yourself and the flow of life. Do and say exactly what is natural for you now. And somehow it becomes important, interesting, and even valuable to other people. You become valuable to other people simply by who you are! Welcome home!