How To Prepare A Child For The Birth Of A Baby. Step By Step Guide

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever had to buy two identical toys, because if you buy one for one, there will be a scandal or hysteria at home? And to say: “Give in! Well, you’re the senior”? And explain to a child that his sister is the closest and dearest person to him and that he always needs to be a mountain for each other?

If you have to, then you probably know how bitter and annoying it is when your children quarrel. Then you start asking questions. Will they ever be able to love each other or will they grow up to be enemies? Will I harm my baby if I have another child?

Indeed, after the birth of the second one, someone starts to get sick, someone has a nervous tic, someone's appetite worsens … Are children really such owners? What are they afraid of? That your love will not be enough for them?

Yes and no. It's not that simple when it comes to jealousy.

I myself have two boys. One is 3 years old, and the second is 6 months old. For the eldest, as for all children, the appearance of another baby in the family was a great stress. But the relationship between them, nevertheless, was very warm from the very beginning. The elder takes good care of the younger, does not let anyone make noise around him, tells him fairy tales, sings songs and explains how the roe deer differs from the antelope. The younger one breaks into a smile as soon as the older brother appears on the horizon.

An older child must certainly be prepared for the birth of a baby. I have collected here those techniques and subtle points that I took into account myself, preparing my son for the appearance of a brother.

Jealousy is a painful doubt about someone's loyalty and love (A. Kravtsova, 2008).

Toddlers actually suffer and annoy their parents with their behavior. And sometimes we do not even understand that the way out of the serious struggle for the competition "who will press the elevator button" is to let the children understand that we love both of them equally, that everything is fine and they are both the most important to us.

In order for the appearance of another child not to become a test for the whole family, it is necessary:

1. Form the child's confidence that you love and approve of him. The fact is that it is extremely important for children that we were happy with them. And from our parental lips such phrases can break down that call this postulate into question.

"Everybody has children like children, but I have a punishment"

"Look what good kids are playing, and you are a crybaby"

"How nice it would be if I had a girl, and not such a mischievous putty like you."

"If you behave like this, I'll give you to another aunt for upbringing, and I'll take an obedient boy for myself."

Such not careful phrases (spoken by chance, already brought to the point by poor parents) instill in the child's head the idea that if he does not behave well, the mother will want to take another child for herself, who will only delight her. And when a brother and sister are suddenly born, the child knows EXACTLY why he appeared in their family.

2. The child needs to be prepared. It is rather risky to ask “Do you want a brother or sister?”, Because you can get a negative answer. But because of this, the parents will not change their mind. Moreover, the parents may feel some kind of guilt before the child (they work a lot, pay little attention, or have offended something). And if so, that the child always feels it, and may decide that “yes, they betrayed me! We decided to have a “good boy” instead of a naughty one”.

Better to say directly that this way and that, you will have a younger brother or sister. Parents want another such happiness for themselves, they want us to have another dear little man. Tell when to be born and answer all questions. And if the elder says that he does not want to, do not convince him that the younger brother or sister is cool! Better to ask why he doesn't want to? Dispel his fears. Before the birth of my second child, I read a wonderful book by Heidi and Daniel Howarts "Mother's Love" about how the bear cub became an older brother, about his fears and concerns. The best way to cook kids is through games, books and cartoons.

3. The child should be present during the first days of discharge of the mother and baby from the hospital. You don’t need to give it to your grandparents to make the first days calmer for yourself and for your “elder”. Imagine that you were expelled from some important event in your family, you would probably say, “Why do you decide for me? Am I not a member of the family?"

Allow your child to:

- together with dad, pick up mom and baby from the hospital;

- give to hold on the handles;

- give a wheelchair a ride;

- look at the toys and clothes of the newborn;

- to be near when changing the diaper.

For an older child, it is important to simply be present at such serious changes, to be needed and useful. After all, he quite often feels "clumsy" and disturbing parents.

Helping a mother with a baby can save a girl from jealous feelings, and a boy, it's good if he gets closer to his father and they have "purely male affairs" while the mother copes with the baby. So the boy and dad will be a little saved from jealousy together.

4. Allow the older child to "be small." Regression of a child, no matter what age he is, is an absolutely normal course of adaptation. Children can start to act up a lot, ask to be taken in their arms, take a pacifier, want to drink from a bottle, no longer want to go to school, pee in their pants. This is fine! Just give him permission to do this and soon the child himself will feel that his time has passed, that he has already grown out of this.

5. Protect your child's personal belongings and personal space. The child donates so much, and it is simply necessary that only his things remain in the house, which the newborn baby does not encroach on: his toys, his own crib, his own cup.

6. Be clear and truthful. An older child needs time. It is necessary that he knew that the mother GIVEN a brother or sister, and did not find it in the cabbage, or the stork abandoned it. Therefore, a newborn can live only in this family and not in any other. When I returned from the hospital with my second child, the first thing I did was take the elder, who was 2 years and 9 months old, by the pen, a sheet of paper and pencils. I drew our family for him, drew a baby and told him that there were more of us now and the one that my mother was carrying in her tummy had already been born. His name is that, and he loves this and that. For some time, my eldest son showed everyone who came to visit the drawing and talked about his brother.

7. Set aside time for one-on-one communication. It is very important that you are alone with your child once a day. We played together, read books, talked. So that mom, as before, even for a short time, was only his / her. And do not forget to hug and kiss your sweetheart, tell him / her how much you love him / her and how he / she is dear to you.

The process of adapting to the birth of another child can take a whole year. Be patient. Let the child see your love for the newborn, but also know that he can count on your no less love and care.