2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
As soon as we become attached to a person, as soon as a relationship with someone else becomes a symbol of happiness for us, we lose our lightness and freedom.
Hold tightly to the hilt of the Tao (sword), the pledge to lose the Tao.
(Chinese folk wisdom)
Our desires are what makes us suffer.
K. Castaneda "The Teachings of Don Juan".
When we are born, we are free. We do not need anyone or anything to be happy - the child is just fine with himself.
Attachments steal your happiness
But then we start to grow … Childhood is the most significant period for a person, all the events that happen to us at this time leave their special imprint on our whole life. The child is small and he just needs protection and support, and therefore he completely trusts his parents. It is so small and they are so big.
And if the parents quarrel or shout, the child simply cannot think that the parents are wrong, or they get angry because they are not able to cope with the troubles that life puts on them. Noticing that parents are imperfect is in great danger. And so the child concludes that he is to blame for everything that happens to the parents. If they shout and quarrel, it means that he is bad and does not deserve love.
But adults are not perfect, and often they are mistaken and say wrong things, but all the words spoken by parents, whether we realize it or not, are forever deposited deep in the soul. And as a result, after some time, the child ceases to trust himself, and inner freedom and happiness are lost.
And our whole life turns into one big desire to confirm that you are good and you are worth something. We become dependent on the praise and approval of other people, on the love of other people, on money and wealth.
The loss of inner love for ourselves leads to the fact that we begin to look for our love in the body of another person. And having found her, we are afraid of losing her, because it seems to us that if this person leaves, then love, care, affection and much, much more will forever disappear from our life. And we maintain this relationship, despite the fact that we have not received any love, care, or anything else from them for a long time.
Attachment always gives rise to fear
Fear makes a person difficult, not interesting, deprives him of flexibility, makes him incapable of quick changes. Fear and attachment exhaust a person, deprive him of mental and physical strength.
Often, having once experienced happiness from something, we want to experience it over and over again, and this becomes the beginning of the end.
As soon as we become attached to a person, as soon as a relationship with someone else becomes a symbol of happiness for us, we lose our lightness and freedom. And at the same time, we begin to claim the freedom of another person, we need guarantees that he will always be there, that he will never leave.
Otherwise, happiness will go with him - we believe in it, we sincerely think and feel. We are ready to fill the entire space around with ourselves, fill the entire space, do EVERYTHING, if only he was ALWAYS there. But no one wants to give up their freedom, no one wants to end up in prison. Even a prison built out of constant care …
Love and affection are two opposites
To love means simply to wish a person happiness, to do everything to make him happy.
Attachment is a desire for a person to be happy WITH YOU.
As a result, the feeling of our own inferiority and the insatiable desire to be happy turn us into complete egoists. And we constantly demand ourselves, we constantly say: "I, I, I". And this is a sign of addiction, this is a sign of attachment. A self-sufficient person allows another person next to him to be what he is.
How to let go of a person, how to become free?
You just need to accept, not at the level of words, but at the level of feelings, that perhaps you are living your last day. But this is not a reason for melancholy, this is an opportunity to look at your life as soberly as possible!
Whatever you love, whatever your heart is attached to, ALL of this will remain beyond the threshold of death. You can't take anything with you, nothing will last forever. Therefore, all you have is the opportunity to enjoy an amazing journey called Life.
Just rejoice at everything that surrounds you, rejoice at all the people who agreed to share your journey, and be grateful to the World for giving you this happiness.
Live every moment with the knowledge that perhaps this is the last moment of your life, that perhaps you will never again see those who are with you now, that the decisions you are now making are perhaps the last decisions in your life … This is a reason to think about what you really want, what are your true desires.
Nothing in the world guarantees your happiness
Happiness is a process, it is an inner state. And if it is not inside, then it makes no sense to look for it in the body of another person, and even more so in inanimate objects - this is just an attempt to fill the void inside yourself.
Therefore, live with the awareness that perhaps you are living the last day of your life - enjoy what is already around, choose only those feelings that you want to feel, and most importantly, do not hold on to anything. Look around with a child's wide eyes. Nothing belongs to you in this life, including your life itself. Life is a generous gift for which you need to feel gratitude and realize that someday you will have to return it.
We are attached to the simplest things - to our favorite circle, to our favorite place in the apartment, we like to watch TV in a very specific way, we have our personal place in the kitchen, our favorite jacket or socks. We surround ourselves with our favorite familiar objects, and this creates a sense of stability, that everything is fine, a sense of security.
Stability is what a person strives for throughout his life, and this is the biggest illusion - stability does not exist. As long as a person is mortal, there simply cannot be stability.
For years, we can go to an unloved job, live with a person for whom we have long lost feelings, do something that we no longer want to do, and we are afraid of change. We are afraid to radically change something in our life, because we are afraid of the unknown, we are all afraid of losing control of the situation. As a result, we change bright dreams and desires for the ordinary dullness of everyday life, because it is safer this way, so it is calmer.
There is no point in being afraid, because the worst thing that can happen to us is death, and since death is inevitable, there is nothing to be afraid of. It is more terrible to miss the chance to live this life the way YOU always wanted, the way you dreamed as a child.
If you take your child's photo and look into the eyes of a child on it, ask him how he would like to live his life, what kind of life would be REAL for him … It is possible that your soul will be filled with sadness, a feeling of deception and betrayal, because there is so much hope in this child's eyes, but in your eyes only the word MUST.
Life is a game. But it is a delusion that everything is possible in it. In it, only what you allow yourself to have is possible, what you allow yourself to count on. And if you suddenly start to think that you are badly missing something - love, care, support or something else, then just start doing IT for other people.
If you need something, give it back. Start unselfishly sharing what is inside, and you will begin to notice how this feeling inside you becomes more and more, and your whole being is filled with freedom and joy.
Happiness is already inside everyone, we are initially perfect, you need to learn to trust yourself and your feelings. And if someone who is pleasant to you wants to be near you, because it is good to be next to a happy and free person, then you can agree with this. And you will never settle for less than you deserve.
Lana Yerkander
Recommended:
Why Are You Silent When Something Does Not Suit You?
The skill to talk about unpleasant My problem is that I am not spilling anything out. I don't know how to express anger; instead, I get cancer. Woody Allen A flash mob with the hashtag #mayuvoskazatinі is currently taking place on social networks.
In The Absence Of Children In Marriage, I Believe It Is Quite Possible To Get Divorced. If You Have Children, You Need To Think Hard
Source: ezhikezhik.ru Is it possible to swear in front of a child, do children adopt parental models of behavior, what to do if you want to get a divorce, and do you need to live with a husband who yells and humiliates? Family and child psychologist Katerina Murashova reports.
Children Do Not Need To Be Brought Up, You Need To Build Relationships With Them
“Children do not need to be brought up, you need to build relationships with them” - I read this phrase in one article and I really liked it because it is lively and light. As far back as I can remember, my mother tried to educate me. She believed that her main task was to instill in me certain rules of safety in life, to make sure that I did everything correctly and to point out my mistakes.
Why You Need To Quit Reading The Advice Of Psychologists And Already Do Something With Your Life
I noticed, reading all sorts of different "advice of a psychologist": well, it's boring to read and listen to them, banality on banality. And it is true. While I was studying at the psychology department, every day I learned something new, not obvious (about how the mechanism of cognitive dissonance works and why a person needs basal ganglia) - it was very interesting and entertaining.
If You Are Not Happy With How Your Child Is Not Doing Something As Well As You Would Like
- "Mom, look how I painted!" - “Well, what did you draw? What couldn't have done better? " Or this: - "Mom, look how I'm doing!" - "So what. You can do your best. " I didn't want to write about such a seemingly hackneyed topic as the topic of high expectations from a child.
