Guilt: Aren't We Taking On A Lot?

Video: Guilt: Aren't We Taking On A Lot?

Video: Guilt: Aren't We Taking On A Lot?
Video: portrayal of guilt - It's Already Over / Masochistic Oath (Official Video) 2024, March
Guilt: Aren't We Taking On A Lot?
Guilt: Aren't We Taking On A Lot?
Anonim

Guilt is a common feeling in our culture. Difficult, unbearable, you want to hide from it, it is often the cause of depression. One possible reason for this feeling is egocentric overgeneralization. This article will offer a variant of correcting this strategy using the "pie" technique.

Let us first understand what egocentric overgeneralization is. The word "egocentric" itself can induce guilt.

… in our culture, for a long time, education with a sense of guilt, the absence of personal boundaries was accepted … everything that related to any kind of separation of oneself, and even taking care of oneself was often considered selfish, ugly, because "you have to think about the people around you" … but about that perhaps in the following articles …

In fact, there is a huge difference between selfishness and self-centeredness. Is the child giving you their favorite toy selfish? Of course not. But, as a rule, this same child is egocentric. He looks at the world only from his own perspective and does not understand that, in general, his toy is of no value to you. He gives you his treasure, thinking that it is just as dear to you. He is not at all selfish, and at the same time he is self-centered.

Egocentric overgeneralization brings people only negative experiences. A person sees the reason for the events taking place with his loved ones only in himself. The quintessence of this strategy can be the phrase: "It happened because of me and only because of me." “It” is usually something negative and difficult to correct. Naturally, feeling such a responsibility, a person will experience a strong sense of guilt.

Examples of egocentric overgeneralizations can be: “It’s because of me my son is studying so badly”, “I am guilty / guilty that she / he left / left me”, “I ruined his / her life”, “Because of me parents divorced "," It's only my fault that … (substitute the right one)."

In fact, it is absolutely natural that many factors take part in each event, and one person cannot be completely guilty of anything.

As with many problems in cognitive psychotherapy, egocentric overgeneralizations work according to the scheme: "expand" the established way of reacting - explore and change it - turn it into a new way of responding.

Vina
Vina

I propose one of the possible techniques for "deploying" overgeneralizations. I thought for a long time about an example. Perhaps he is a little "divorced" from the world, but he is understandable, and with his help you can easily explain the technique without going into the details of the context of the situation. For example, let's take the generalization "It was because of me that my son got such a bad mark on the exam."

1. Identify all participants in this event: you, son, spouse, teachers. Think about it: The teachers in the school who taught your son, probably somehow influenced his success in this subject? Who else influenced your son's success in one way or another? Make a list.

2. Draw a "pie" - a circle. Determine the share of responsibility as a result of each of the participants, excluding you … Does your son have any share of responsibility for this? He prepared for the exam, he wrote or answered. How much he knew or remembered is his result. After all, the head on his shoulders belongs to him. Let's say his share of responsibility is 55 percent. "Cut" a piece of your son from the "responsibility cake". Let's now tackle the teacher: He taught your son throughout the entire preparation, he assessed him, in the end, perhaps, on the morning of that day, he got up on the wrong foot! Let's say his share of participation is 25 percent. "Cut off" his "piece" of responsibility. Do the same with all participants in this event.

3. Look at what's left of the pie. Is it really only you who can be solely responsible for something? Then why would you blame yourself? Formulate a conclusion that would take into account all factors, all participants and would be truthful - you do not need to deceive or shield yourself at all, on the contrary, make an objective conclusion as possible. Try to keep it as short as possible - then your brain will quickly take the formulated slogan for a new way of responding. For example: "I have very little responsibility for the fact that my son failed the exam."

After you "deployed" automatism, you can recall the slogan you have formulated every time you accuse yourself of this. By doing this, you will shape a new way of responding.

You can use this technique whenever you feel intense guilt about a result.

Feelings of guilt can be very difficult, rooted in childhood, and this technique alone may not be enough to get rid of it.

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