2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many parents want to see their child successful and for this they plan literally everything as much as possible: from early childhood schools to the future university. And this while the child happily knocks over a plate of porridge on the floor. Far fewer are set for the goal of raising a child happy.
Learn to distinguish between your own needs and those of your child. Don't send it to early childhood development school a year because your parents didn't take care of you. Do not breastfeed your baby until the age of five because “he wants to” and because you were not fed at all. Do not sleep with your baby in the same bed until 15, just because it makes you feel calmer and less lonely. Do not send him to study as a medic just because you did not have enough points or money for admission. Allow him to be himself, even if it conflicts with your expectations and plans for his life. So he will have the opportunity for timely separation, and not when he is well over 50.
Love. Even when he returned from a quiet, friendly boy as a bully and bit someone at school. Even when it is incredibly tiring with its chatter and annoying, giving 15 arguments against one of your requests. Even when she secretly slipped your pair of shoes into the disco and left a scratch on them. Love no matter what. This is how the child learns to love himself.
Don't reduce the size of the problem. If the children are not invited to walk together. If you can't solve a stupid problem. If your favorite T-shirt is torn or your favorite toy is lost. Yes, from the point of view of the universe, it is less than a grain of sand in the sea. For a small child, this is a universal problem. So don't discount it. So the child will not do it.
Respect. A small man is, first of all, a man. With their fears, already beliefs and needs. If you can respect his boundaries (bodily - do not kiss when it is already inappropriate, territorial - do not scour his room in search of the hidden), he will be able to feel his boundaries and defend them in adulthood.
Don't be intimidated. Police, thieves, orphanage. The world is already dangerous from whatever side you look at. Do not breed childhood fears, which will then be remembered in the therapist's office. This is how he learns to trust you and the world.
Do not wear pink glasses. It is impossible to protect a child from anything dangerous. No, it is possible, of course, but for this he needs to be prohibited from going out into his own life and selflessly living this life instead of him. Therefore, let your child be wrong - this is more important than you think. So the child will not be afraid of reality.
Speak. About the consequences of choice. About feelings. Potential risks. How proud you are of his success. About what seems like a completely unimportant trifle. So he will learn to talk about what is important to him and not expect that someone will be able to guess about it. That way he will know what is important.
Finally, accept your own imperfection and imperfection. Believe me, this will greatly facilitate the child's ability to accept their own imperfections. My favorite examples of familiar parents are far from perfect. Sometimes they break down on children, send them to school in an unfinished one, allow them to eat food that has fallen from the floor, play in a non-sterile sandbox in spite of "it's dirty there!" Their children have the first word instead of the classic and correct "mom" or "dad" suddenly "your mother!". And this same mother can miss the parenting meeting, because yesterday she was tired and went to hang out with her girlfriends at a bachelorette party. These imperfect parents also have imperfect children. Not perfect, but happy. Those who know that they are loved. That will be on their side and support, no matter what happens. And this is much more stable ground underfoot than a high position in a corporation and total loneliness in the evening.
If your child grows up happy, he will already find something to his liking, in which he will become successful. Simply because he will be able to listen to himself and understand his real desires and where his boundaries are violated.
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