2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
People don't always like to hear the truth about themselves. We have already gone through this. Even the most ardent lover of the truth (often, he is just more than the others), the most important thing to hear about himself is he is afraid. For example, that his life is a fiction and just a beautiful fiction. Let's explain with an example
When a little boy comes to his dad (or mom) with a doll of his sister and shows an incredibly beautiful hairstyle that he made himself (in fact, he combed a nest of hair that is only to be cut now, but it doesn't matter). And in return he gets a fat slap in the face, because men do not play with dolls. And then they put him in a corner for his eyes full of tears from resentment. Because men don't cry yet. And so over and over again.
Or a girl comes to her mother with a desire to be a teacher (model, ballerina, singer). And my mother mints a short, but emotionally insistent speech that this is all a whim and that a serious profession is needed. Necessarily serious and highly paid. Because you can't rely on men. And only by working as a notary or dentist in the father's clinic, you can fully support yourself and not depend on anyone. And so every time in response to all emotional impulses.
Remember the dialogue in Fight Club:
I went to my father and asked what to do.
- learn sonny.
I learned and asked: what's next, dad?
- Graduate from college.
I come to him with a diploma, and he:
- Get a job, son.
I worked for five years and asked what to do next, and he:
- I do not know. Get married.
And then a stupor. Because none of those choices were actually yours. He was for a parent who should have started to be proud of you and finally love you. And it doesn't always have to be the parent you see every day. The one who went to another family can have the same, and sometimes much more, significance.
So what can a child ultimately do? Correctly, adjust. Because if mom (dad) does not like me like this, I will become what I need. I will only get good grades in school, learn the right profitable profession, get a prestigious job. And then, after 10 years (at best), in the morning I will start to feel a persistent taste of the futility of what is happening. And in the evenings and in silence alone with yourself - melancholy, at times bordering on madness. It's good if one of the evenings you manage to realize that at some point in your life something went wrong and with such a vague request to come to therapy. But such a bold thought can quickly be dismissed as unnecessary.
Then, at a certain moment, a kind of "epiphany" occurs. Slowly and quietly, the clear, like a spilled black ink on a white sheet, creeps in, the realization that work does not bring pleasure. All hobbies and hobbies are a tribute to fashion, but they do not warm or inspire in any way. Having collected all the puzzles in one picture, you understand that you live any life you want, but not your own.
This thought is scary. The only thing I want to do is to escape from her, to forget. Erase from memory, return time back and make a choice in the direction of complete ignorance. How to choose another pill in the "Matrix". But awareness doesn't work that way.
I know this is an insanely difficult path. Because this may well mean that everything that was so well believed before will have to be rethought. And the later this realization comes, the more difficult it is to decide about it at least to say out loud, and even more so - to start changing something in life. Choosing between what is right and what is easier is always very difficult. But it is precisely this choice that ultimately becomes the decisive one.
Make up your mind
And take care of yourself.
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