2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The popularity of the so-called “civil marriages” is growing every year. The voices of the advocates of cohabitation are becoming louder. At the same time, the number of children with a dash in the column "Father" of the Birth Certificate is increasing.
Between cohabitation (civil marriage) and an officially registered marriage, the main difference is not the notorious stamp in the passport, which supposedly does not solve anything and does not guarantee anything, but the strategy of behavior in the relationship.
The difference is fundamental:
1. Running from problems
The couple, who decided to try life together and test their feelings, are set to resolve contradictions according to the principle: "if you don't like it, we will part." Therefore, people live while "everything suits them." When tension, conflict, or stress arises in a relationship, instead of seeking a solution to the situation, people break up. The "escape from the problem" strategy is anchored in behavior. Once in an officially registered marriage, a person with experience of cohabitation is prone to divorce. The statistics cited by the journalist and writer Anneli Rufus in her study show that the experience of "civil marriage" TWO times reduces the likelihood of a strong family union.
2. Lack of love
A conversation about love: “We love each other, why do we need a print” - looks at least ridiculous. Cohabitation in a "civil marriage" has nothing to do with love, it is a "test of feelings" that does not stand up to test! According to statistics, such a relationship lasts no more than 5 years and falls apart. Love is unconditional acceptance, which does not depend on the amount of material wealth, health, beauty and achievements. "Civil marriage" is a relationship that very much depends on the conditions, and in itself is conditional! After all, entering into a civil, and not a legal marriage, is due to mistrust of each other, fear of the division of property, unwillingness to bear responsibility and mutual obligations. What kind of love is there …
3. Unequal relationships
Marriage implies an equal and equal relationship between spouses. If, according to statistics, being in a civil marriage, 85% of men consider themselves single, and 92% of women consider themselves married, then what kind of equivalence can we talk about. There are losers in this game …
4. Loneliness together
Men, considering themselves single, are right! Cohabitation cannot be considered a family relationship, since a family is not only cohabitation in the same territory. This is "our" everything: common living space, budget, friends and interests, joint children and plans for the future. In marriage, the development and disclosure of emotional closeness is possible, the foundation of which is mutual trust, monogamy and stability of relations.
5. Choice without choice
How long can a Russian hero stand in front of a stone with the inscription: "You will go to the left … you will find, you will go to the right … you will find" - a minute, an hour, a day, a year, several years? How long are you going to live in a relationship without deciding a spouse or not a spouse, and living with a person, are you constantly in search of that very best, real couple for yourself? Countless stories about civil marriages end with a man suddenly marrying … another. In the meantime, uncertainty, eating up time, steals vitality and, like rust, destroys the soul and relationships.
6. No boundaries
In an official marriage, the husband cannot tell his wife: “Who are you? You are nobody here and there is no way to call you, go where you came from. In a civil marriage, it is impossible to say that the partner has changed (I live with you, sleep with the other, what are the claims?). Since there is no certainty of status, there are no boundaries of what is permitted or not. Marital ties determine the format of relations and certainty of social status. Formal registration gives the relationship stability, structure and boundaries. All this allows you to go through a period of difficulties and overcome moments of temptation.
7. Lack of responsibility
Responsibility implies the ability of a person to be responsible for the consequences of their actions. A responsible person is able to analyze the situation for the occurrence of certain consequences, to choose certain actions in order to influence the course of events in order to achieve the desired result. Since there are no clearly defined boundaries, a definitely chosen goal, there is no need to choose certain actions to create relationships and family, as well as be responsible for the consequences of their actions. In a civil marriage, cohabitants do not only have no obligations, but also no rights in relation to each other. There is no way to defend or defend their interests in such relationships, which, in turn, leads to deep destruction of the personality.
Of course, the official registration of marriage does not give a 100% guarantee of eternal love, inviolability of the union, unconditional respect for the spouse and deep intimacy. But when spouses are in the mood for a lifelong relationship, short-term emotions and temporary difficulties become irrelevant. By choosing a strategy to preserve marriage, love, respect, and deepen intimacy, people take responsibility to ensure that all of this is in their family life.
Your happiness is in your hands and no one can live your life better than you.
If your man has not proposed to you yet or is in no hurry to formalize the marriage, listen to my free webinar "How to marry a man without manipulation"
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