2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This letter was written by a seven-year-old boy with a psychologist at a psychotherapy session. It is addressed to parents who are divorced.
Dear Mom and Dad!
I know that from the moment of your separation it has been very, very difficult for you! But I am writing to you, because it is important for me that in a difficult time for you you find strength in yourself - and hear me, recognize and understand how it is for me, your child.
Children do not perceive the situation in the same way as you - we BLAME OURSELVES for everything that happened, even if you do not forget to repeat to us that it is not our fault.
I think all the time what is wrong with me, what I did to make you decide to break up.
I analyze all the time what I could have done or what not to do so that you stay together.
I am afraid that I will have to take sides, and that perhaps one of you will leave me and I will never see him again.
Please understand that no matter what each of you did, I love both of you, and I don’t want to hear that Mom or Dad did something wrong!
Seeing you fight, argue, or cry is very painful for me, because I do not know how to fix it, and I am immensely worried about both of you, even if you say that I should not worry.
Please:
Don't try to make me your ally, don't ask me to keep secrets from mom or dad
Do not get information from me about what mom or dad did or said when I was with him (her)
Don't dump your problems on me. I am your child, I cannot be your parent or therapist. Telling me about your problems scares me, makes me anxious about how we will all get through this. We children are very worried about the future
Don't use me to send messages to each other
Don't try to compete with each other by giving me different things. I need your attention
Do not choose favorites from brothers / sisters, it always ends in our struggle. And we do not realize that it is your "preferences" that make us struggle with each other
Don't let me break the rules and misbehave because you want me to think of you as a good parent. This is just another way to use me
Do not say rude things or even make sharp remarks about the other parent when I am with you
If you are spending time with me, do so because you really want to be with me. Do not try to push the other parent aside in this way. So I will feel that no one needs it at all
When I stay with you, spend time with me included. Your divorce isn't just you two, I need you too
Understand that I feel very bad about not being able to be with both of you at the same time, and I worry that you will get angry if I have fun and continue to love the other parent
It is important that you understand that although I am very smart, I am still a child, and all this is very difficult for me. More than ever, I need you to act together like my parents, even if you decide to separate, and even if both of you have new partners.
I need your support!
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