Am I A Trembling Creature? How To Defend Your Boundaries In Relationships And Marriage

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Do you often think about what would have happened if … If you had received the necessary education … If you had got a job of your dreams … If you had married someone else … You can think and dream for a long time, but not the fact that dreams will come true (for this you need to do something), but let's try to figure out how successful your union and "contract" is from the point of view of the market situation (to a greater extent, I will consider Europe, in which I lived, I really hope that you can do for yourself correct focus). As a former entrepreneur, I am always inclined to evaluate the profitability of a particular contract, let's try to apply these skills in considering a spousal contract. So. Let's figure out how you invest in a relationship, and as your partner (boyfriend, husband, lover, it doesn't matter). Most likely your female role is to recognize full authority in the form of him, unquestioning service to him. For this, he undertakes:

What will protect you … From whom? You know, by my example, I want to say that there are much more "problems" in the company with a man than without him. There is no threat in my particular life. And yours? Or is he himself a threat? Believe me, this is a suggestion of pure water. Conformity in action. I had conflict situations in which, on the contrary, I would like to get rid of the ridiculous attempt of my ex-boyfriend to "be a man" and decide everything myself, if he was not able to do it. I easily solve conflict situations myself. And you?

What will contain you … Is it so? He can receive as much as he wants, and 100 thousand rubles. and 200 thousand rubles, but how much does it provide for your use? Exactly how much support do you get from him? Often times, middle-class people are reluctant to share their resources.

As in Europe, friendship is friendship, we are happy and happy together, but do not ask me to sit with the cat when you are away. There are special nannies for this that need to be paid. It's almost the same story. Only a small percentage of people invest, they either like to be dependent on them, as a rule, they have serious problems with self-esteem, possibly sadists. These are toxic people and relationships. If your partner earns 30 thousand rubles. and gives you 10 thousand rubles for personal spending, and you do all the housework for this, then I hasten to upset you … your contract is economically unprofitable. By getting a job as a housekeeper, or as a cleaner, in the end, you will receive more. Try to actually calculate the time spent on housework and calculate the cost of your work based on the market value of an hour of this type of work in your area. Don't rush to leave home! Ask the "boss" to raise the salary.

So, now let's move on to the typical requirements of a man:

Appearance … Like any other Russian woman, you should look great, as if you are now on the hunt for the man of your life. Undoubtedly, there are such women, and in megacities there are most of them. We have extended eyelashes not for a holiday, but every day. A holiday in Moscow every day. You never know who will look at your manicure. Maybe a millionaire? Even if your man has not met such women before, maybe, and even most likely, they would have sent him (since they themselves are constantly looking for a super-super-man who does not exist) (a consequence of low self-esteem). By the way, such women, as a rule, marry people like them. And sometimes they contain them. It is a fact. Nevertheless, your man pricks you at any opportunity, creating complexes for you (he loves it, of course), so that they say the neighbor Masha is all the time in heels and with makeup. Why he does this is the topic of another article (see the relationship of business logicians), it is important how you react to it. Believe me, putting on a heel is the last thing to do here. Then there will be another requirement, this life-long list. The person is, in principle, dissatisfied (and maybe pathologically). In this way, you will not help him. Europeans do not go "in parade" every day, not because they do not know how to look after themselves. And they have money and skill. And also respect and love for yourself. They will get love from men anyway. And this love is more true, by the way.

Sex … Consensual sex, when both partners like each other, and enjoy each other, and try to do each other well - it's great. When everything is mutual. But for many women in Russia, this is already sport and work. Instead of going to the gym. Attraction as such (due to oversaturation) is also lost. To a greater extent, this sport is already moving into the usual line of behavior with men, sex is perceived as something due, and now, strangely, the due is being fulfilled.

According to my observations from practice, as well as interviews with middle-class males with an income of 100 thousand rubles or more. (who is in special demand among Russian women) in more than half of the cases, Russians are ready for almost anything. I will not list, censorship will not allow, but without this information I lived better. I'm not talking about girls who make money on this. Talking about girls trying to find relationships (not the best way). A blurry perspective closes its eyes to its pride. Trust me, the perspective is more blurry than you think. Alas, this is so.

Why do you think Russia ranks 4th in the world in terms of HIV growth rates after South Africa, Nigeria and Mozambique?

If your partner receives as much as you, or does not give you money, does not really protect, then what does he give you? Or do you split all household chores in half? Who pleases whom in sex? Which of you spends more time "on yourself" to please? Who is smarter and who can you rely more intellectually on? Who makes the decisions and why? Why do you want to marry more than he marry? Why should you think about how to do it? How to hook and how to keep? If he loves you, then don't do it. If not, it will exploit you (because you have more interest). A dolphin is smarter than a man, he would hardly want to be caught from free swimming, trained, and he would serve a man all his life. Or do you think I would? Dreamed about it and attended trainings how will a poacher like it?

I'm not a feminist, I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. I live my life, and I believe that everyone is free to live as he wants. I'm just asking questions. I want you to ask them yourself.

And one more thing: I do not urge to disperse and get divorced, but only to work on the relationship in my favor.