2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many women, at some point in their relationship with a man, have a question about his true intentions, especially when there is understatement, misunderstanding and uncertainty in the relationship.
This is natural and understandable, because not in all cases a man immediately declares his desire to marry and live in grief and joy with you until his death. And even in cases when a man says this directly on a second date, the truth may not be so flattering and attractive.
In any case, whether you are madly in love or rationally pursuing your goals, it is important and even necessary to understand what meaning a man puts in your relationship.
In this context, we can only talk about relationships that have already somehow emerged … and not only in your imagination.
It is as rash to judge the true intentions of a man by the first impression of communication with him, as it is to judge the quality of a lecture by the appearance of the hall.
First of all, it is worth understanding that a man, even very interested in a serious relationship, at first may not know and clearly not understand how he treats you and what kind of perspective he wants. Only after the flower-bouquet period, when the passions fade away, and the hormonal background returns to normal, you can try to understand what you really mean to him.
There are certain indicators that can shed light on the real situation.
For example, what do we usually do when we really want something to become a part of our life?
We invest attention and resources in this.
The world is so arranged that our forces go where our attention is directed. We value and value exactly what costs us efforts and resources.
Every man (and like any other person) has the resources of time, health, finances and opportunities. And also has its own scale of criteria in life. Less and more significant.
To determine whether your relationship is a priority in his system of values, it is enough to understand what exactly he invests in them. How valuable and important is what he invests in his life.
The more valuable his investment is to him, the more meaningful this relationship is to him.
The time regularly spent with you, common plans for the near and more distant future, the desire to help rather than bring your problems to you, the desire to share resources are obvious signs of a serious attitude on the part of a man and the prospect of a joint future.
For example, for a very wealthy man, the small sums of money that he invests may not be a very significant and valuable investment, unlike his time, which he values much more dearly, and, perhaps, provides in meager doses.
If, having very little free time, a man seeks to spend every free minute with you, this clearly shows the value of his investment.
Or, if a man, to spend an evening with you, cancels important and meaningful meetings for him, but does not bring you flowers and does not pay you for a taxi, he is investing a much more significant resource for him than following the standard dating ritual. To understand this, it is enough to define that time for him is in the reality of his life.
Conversely, a foreign student who has a lot of free time and modest finances can spend hours asking you about how you are doing without giving you anything of special value for him (a lot of time), just practicing a foreign language and making contacts …
Most men intuitively understand that in order to have access to a woman, regardless of the seriousness of their intentions, you need to hold her attention. Sometimes men resort to creating the illusion of presence. Primitive options for imitating the presence of a woman in a woman's life are texts instead of personal communication, confidential confessions about difficulties and problems in life, with a sincere hope for a brighter future after their resolution … without specifying a joint one.
Despite the primitiveness, the trick works! A woman interested in a relationship with a man will definitely feel something - resentment, a desire to help "save", empathy, or simply heat up her feelings with obstacles.
It is these ambiguous and non-resource feelings that will keep her attention and leave the door open for the "simulator of relationships."
What should be done to reconsider the feasibility of their "investments" in such not always "profitable projects"?
You just need to think about your significant criteria and resources.
Your true relationship needs can be anything.
What is important to you? Without which you will not be happy and harmonious?
It is worth admitting to yourself how things really are.
Is attention and reliability important to you? - Is that what you are not being offered?
Do you need financial support and regular meetings? - They talk to you for a long time heart to heart and share secrets and problems …. but are in no hurry to meet and financially support?
They take away your attention and do not give in response what is important to you.
It happens that a man simply does not understand the true needs of a woman and does not want to guess and rack his brains thinking about it.
… In such cases, it is worth reporting them openly.
This is not related to the consumer position.
Meeting relationship needs should be plans and prospects, not a bonus for patience and adjustment to other people's interests.
A woman who broadcasts that she does not need anything and who is “all by herself, if anything,” is taken literally by a man. Do you need to give anything ?, approx. What is there to do? It remains to take. Attention, time, energy, many do not disdain financial support from women.
Each person, both woman and man, has a unique set of characteristics and individual significant criteria.
It is very important for everyone to really get to know themselves before starting a relationship.
Determining your needs, priorities, mandatory points, without which you cannot feel happy, is already the first and important step to building a successful relationship.
What is clear and obvious to oneself is easy to convey to another person.
When a woman in her dreams of a relationship is limited only by the appearance and financial situation of a man, the chances of a happy materialization of the dream are extremely small, because the basis of a harmonious relationship is usually other and sometimes more significant qualities.
To build a long-term relationship with a man, it is very important to understand what is important to him and what is not important. What are his relationship needs.
It is the understanding of his significant criteria and priorities that will be the key to the possibility of harmonious happy relationships with him.
The frequent feminine misconception that a man will change as soon as marry him can lead to disappointment. Do not overestimate your ability to influence the character and habits of another person.
Turning to a psychoanalyst can help you get to know and understand yourself, realize your needs and typical patterns of behavior. Deal with painful memories and deprive them of power, learn to see other people without the burden of prejudices and fantasies. Work out limiting beliefs and learn to see new paths.
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