2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every day girls come to me for consultation, trying to assess the prospect of their love relationships with men. As a psychologist, they ask me: are there any clear criteria by which one can understand that a relationship can lead to the formation of a family? How to understand if a love relationship is developing and where exactly? What is their perspective?
Unfortunately, many girls are guided by the wrong criteria. For example:
- It is believed that if a man does not pay due attention to protection issues, this means that he is mentally ready for the birth of a child and marriage. As a result, their life develops tragically when, after an unplanned pregnancy, a man offers her an abortion or disappears altogether.
- They think that if a man himself offered to live together a short time after the start of a relationship (in a week or a month), then this is a direct guarantee of a quick and happy marriage. In fact, for most properly educated, reasonable and self-sufficient men, the desire to live with their chosen one arises after about a few months, or even a year after the start of a relationship. Because such a man should already have a lot of things and goals in life, in addition to relations with a woman. After all, if men behave like women, and their heads are filled only with the desire to be with a loved one all the time, then humanity will quickly run wild and return to primitiveness. And the women themselves will quickly get tired of such men and become disillusioned with them, they themselves will drive them to hunt, to science and to work.
In practice, if a man, within a few days or weeks after meeting, proposes to start living together, most often this means: either the man is trying to run away from his love for that other girl who does not want to be with him (that is, the man is like takes revenge, and heals himself psychologically, but at any moment he will break down to his love, if she deigns to accept it); either a man is a parasite and a gigolo and seeks to start living as soon as possible using his girlfriend; or he does not care at all with whom to live and have sex. All three of these options are not very beneficial for girls, since men with this behavior are often not very reliable and easily change their girlfriends.
Therefore, personally, in my work, I directly advise girls not to evaluate men by the speed at which they start living together, not to be offended by a man if he is in no hurry to offer to move in. According to my observations, it is quite normal for a man who lives alone in his own or rented housing to offer his girlfriend to move in with him in the period from three months to six months from the beginning of the relationship. And to be offended that he does not make such an offer in the first months of the relationship is wrong and wrong. Because any normal man understands: starting to live with a girl, he practically promises her to create a family, and this would be thoughtless and premature, communicating with the girl for only a few weeks or months.
If a man does not have a separate home and lives with his parents, he may well offer to start living together in the period from six months to a year from the beginning of a relationship with a girl. And here, too, there is nothing to be offended.
The age of the man also matters: if the man is under 25, the girl should not be embarrassed by the fact that he does not invite to live together in the period up to a year of relationship. But after this time, you can directly raise the issue and draw appropriate conclusions.
If a man is over 25 years old, he is not married, has a job and some kind of income, the girl should not wait for an invitation to live together for more than six months. This time is enough for the partners to come to some understanding of their prospects and start acting. If a man does not express a desire to live together, it is possible and necessary to have a conversation with him on a relevant topic. If, in a conversation, a man said that he was not yet ready for such a step, it would be more correct to break off relations with him. Let either the man mature and after a while comes out with a proposal to restore relations and start living together, or the girl will build relationships with some other, more active and purposeful partner.
- Many girls are sincerely convinced: if a man is generous, gives flowers and gifts, gives money - this is a guarantee of movement towards creating a family. Unfortunately, I will disappoint those who think so. From the point of view of a practical psychologist, this generosity first of all testifies to the fact that this man has money and he has already studied female psychology well and knows perfectly well how to conquer a girl and get sex most quickly. Because in practice, giving flowers and perfume to one girl, a wealthy man can buy all this in triplicate and give it to someone else at the same time. Of course, according to the girls, a rich groom is better than a poor one. But, unfortunately, many people forget that the level of competition for rich grooms is higher, and their requirements for girlfriends and wives are also higher.
In addition: According to my observations and surveys of men themselves,
A man's generosity is often not so much a sign of his wealth,
how much of his guilt and desire to compensate his girlfriend
inconvenience caused by the fact that he is either married or a womanizer
So to speak, to pay off the girl with the elements of a sweet life for the bitterness of her wasted years of waiting.
- Some girls also think that a very significant sign of the development of relations in the direction of marriage is the use of affectionate expressions by a man, such as "my darling", "my half", "my happiness", "beloved", "sweet", "fish-pussy- mouse ", etc. Thirty years ago it was. But now, due to the fact that such vocabulary is replicated in films and a louse in culture, one should not be guided by this. A man could just get used to calling all his girls "kisuli" and "pussies". At the same time, addressing several girls at once, so to speak - alternative options.
- Some girls are sure that if a man is jealous, makes scandals about this, and even hits, this is one hundred percent groom. But I doubt it very much. Many brawlers and jealous people never marry their girls, and when a man raises his hand against a girl, this is generally a very sad recommendation for family life.
Having indicated the five most common criteria, the importance of which girls often mistakenly exaggerate, I will indicate those that should be taken into account:
13 signs that a love relationship is developing:
According to the statistics of observation of love relationships, relationships develop in the direction of strengthening the connection between partners, if:
1. There is an increase in the amount of time spent together on weekdays. That is, if in the first months there were one or two meetings a week, and then their number increased to four or five, this is a sign of clearly positive dynamics. If the number of meetings is stable at one, two or three per week and does not increase in any way, the matter is not so positive. If the number of meetings per week began to decrease altogether, this is a clear sign of the fading of the relationship.
2. Frequency of communication while partners are busy at work is high. This means that a man finds the time and opportunity to call and write messages to his girlfriend himself during working hours, at least two or three times a day. This means that a man thinks about his girlfriend, which means she is important to him. If the man himself does not call and does not write, plus and is not very happy when a friend herself shows such activity, then this relationship has not yet become important for him. True, here it is important to warn respected girls so that they themselves do not call and write twenty to thirty times a day. Men often consider such female activity excessive and get tired of it. Which is usually not good for the relationship.
3. A man spends his weekends primarily with his girlfriend. If he spends his weekends with friends and relatives, but without a girlfriend, this usually means that relationships are not yet a priority for him. And often this may also indicate that the man has other relationships, where he spends the weekend. So for a girl interested in developing a relationship, it is important to achieve exactly the joint spending of the weekend. First of all, by offering a man an interesting cultural program for him - films, sports, hiking, delicious lunches and dinners, vigorous intimacy, fun in a common company, etc. From going to theaters, exhibition halls and museums, many men are not thrilled.
4. A man makes his place of work, his income and expenses, the location of his office and housing transparent for his girlfriend. If, after months of communication, the girl still does not know anything, this promises either the termination of the relationship, or problems in marriage with such a man, if he does happen one day.
5. A man regularly informs his girlfriend of his plans for the day and week, as if reporting on his life, his time spent and his employment. The presence of such voluntary information messages always shows that the man already considers the girl an important part of his life. If a man regularly declares to a friend that it is not her business to know what and how he is doing, usually this is not ice.
6. The man is trying to create joint plans with his girlfriend for a year, a month or every week. It is important to understand:
Love friendship is the time to prepare for future family life
And family life is impossible without general planning. Therefore, if partners already during the period of their relationship learn to successfully coordinate their actions in the long term, this is promising. It is especially good if partners plan and spend their vacations in advance.
7. A man makes common large purchases with a girl on the principle of “all to the house”. When a man begins to give gifts to girls that have obvious economic value (such as household appliances, tableware, furniture, etc.), overly romantic or diamond-oriented girls are sometimes upset, however, it is completely in vain. For home improvement, even if it’s just a girl’s apartment or, in general, a rented apartment, means that a man already perceives her house as his own. And where a man feels comfortable, there he will multiply, there he will marry.
8. A man is attentive to the health of his girlfriend. If a man is next to his girlfriend and supports her in every possible way when she is unwell, this is a sign of a promising relationship. If, having learned about her illness, a man asks to inform about when she will recover, and he himself does not deny himself anything, communicating with friends, this is a sign of a frivolous relationship.
9. A man in general shows an interest in the life of his girlfriend, her studies and work, relationships in her family. If a man asks about all this, remembers all the current events in the girl's life, this is a sign of the seriousness of the relationship. If a man perceives a girl only as a (SDA) friend-for-leisure, usually all this does not interest him and he tries not to communicate on these topics so as not to clog his head with unnecessary information.
10. A man tries to introduce his girlfriend into the circle of his relatives and friends. Moreover, correctly presenting and positioning it as a "friend", "beloved", "mine", etc. If the relationship has been going on for many months and years, and no one from the man's entourage even suspects the existence of a girl, most likely he has some other, more formal girl.
11. A man is not afraid to meet his girlfriend's friends and relatives. For a well-mannered man, getting to know a friend's circle is a definite commitment to the girl. And if a man goes for it, this is great for his girlfriend. If he in every possible way avoids his public appearance in public with a girl (especially in her circle), this is a sign that the man does not yet consider this relationship as serious.
12. A man seeks to introduce a girl into the circle of his interests, to integrate her into his favorite activities, hobbies, leisure, etc. If a man takes his girlfriend with him everywhere (to a fisherman, to hunt, to the mountains, on a bike tour, to the gym, an expedition, hiking in the mountains, rafting on the river, etc.), this is an excellent foundation for a common future. And smart girls should never refuse such offers. And vice versa:
If a man does not let his girlfriend into the world of his leisure,
Perhaps he doesn't consider her to be his girlfriend
Or she has already made the mistake of rejecting leisure offers many times and the man has already made his sad conclusions about her.
13. Intimate relationships in a couple are maintained at a high level (at least three times a week), the man shows a clear interest in intimacy with his girlfriend, he has no comments on her intimate life. It is important to understand:
Strongest marriages always come at their peak
intimate relationships and without unwanted pregnancy
So I ask you to remember the importance of this factor. If intimate relationships in a couple begin to fade, this is very regrettable and definitely not useful for creating a family.
Actually, that's all. The more of the listed items will work for you, the better. If you collect ten of them, the likelihood of your getting into the "lucky marriage ten" will be very high. If there are all thirteen of them, this will become a "fatal" number for conquering the heart of your chosen one. Then "cats and mice" and gifts and an offer to live together fall on you. Which is what I sincerely wish you.
Of course, you should definitely be sure that the relationship is moving towards legal marriage only after a frank and positive conversation on this topic. However, until this conversation happened, it is quite possible to judge about its approach by the thirteen points listed above. I wish you success in your love relationship. And I advise you to read such a book of mine on this topic as "Where and how to find a man to create a family." I have it on my website.
If you do not cope with assessing your specific family situation related to the fact of her husband's infidelity, I will be glad to give advice from a psychologist in a personal or online consultation (via Skype, Viber, Vatsap or phone). The conditions of my work are described on the website www.zberovski.ru.
Best regards, family psychologist, Doctor of Science, Professor Andrey Zberovsky.
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