Men Only Want Sex From Me, And I Want A Serious Relationship. What To Do?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I am not what happened to me, I am what I decided to become. K Jung

One woman complained that men only want sex from her. Literally on the first date, men magically invite her to continue the relationship in bed. Her desire was to strike up a long-term serious relationship with the prospect of marriage. Several years passed in this way, which exhausted her. She tried all the options: agreed to a quick connection, refused sex on first dates, but in all cases the relationship did not continue in the plane in which she would like. She was seen only as a sexual object, no more, no less.

It was rather despair from the lack of results of her own experiments that made her go to a psychologist, rather than belief and understanding that this is the only correct decision to achieve her goal.

But, nevertheless, after a while her despair was replaced by surprise. She began an affair that was not similar to the previous ones - they did not ask to go home to her, did not hint that a relationship was possible only with sex, did not threaten to part if she did not satisfy the sexual needs of a new acquaintance. Everything was different: calm and unhurried, interesting and exciting, and the woman was surprised and even confused, but at the same time glad of the new way of relations.

This story is not unique, there are many such stories, perhaps, and you will see in it something familiar to yourself.

What helped this and other women to change the habitual scenario of life? Let's try to understand.

Many women do not notice how they live in constant blame on men for the fact that something is not going the way they want. In this case, the focus of attention is kept on the actions of men and their own involvement in what is happening is not taken into account.

The understanding of failure is expressed by the phrase: "This is because he, she, they …" In our case, the situation was understood by the woman as: "I have no relationship because men only want sex." "Men only want sex, so I don't have a serious relationship, but I'm looking for a relationship with these men." Agree - a vicious circle.

It is impossible to get out of this vicious circle on our own, because the methods and habits of behavior of the “victim of circumstances” have been formed over the years and have turned into character traits. To notice these character traits, to try to look at them from the outside, to be critical of this way of life and to try to create a different form of communication with men, you need a different person.

Thus, in order to get out of this vicious circle, you need the help of a specialist - a psychologist who helps to change your usual way of life, that is, your understanding of what is happening.

What was the way of life? Wanting a certain relationship and blaming men for their failures.

And if you shift the emphasis from blaming men and try to realize your own involvement in what is happening. Try to answer the question:

"What am I doing so that men only want sex from me?"

It turns out that in order for events to develop the way they develop, a woman does a lot without noticing it.

First, he chooses a certain type of men for dating who are not initially set up for a serious relationship. The woman seems to see this, but does not attach any importance to it, does not realize it, like many other things.

Second, she dresses and behaves in meetings in such a way that men interpret it as easy prey to quickly satisfy sexual needs.

Thirdly, in an attempt to please a man, women take many active actions: they go to beauticians, to gyms, buy a variety of things. Activity is aimed at catching and holding attention with your appearance. And it succeeds. However, relationships are not only based on appearance. They meet by their clothes, but women want not only to meet, but also to continue communication and transfer it to the plane of a serious relationship. For this, external parameters are not enough. Then the understanding remains in deficit: “What do I like myself?”, “What topics bring me pleasure?”, “What topics will help me find common interests with a man?”, “What kind of communication I would like”, “What is my idea of sexual intimacy and after what time will I be ready for it? The woman takes a passive position in communication.

Thus, gradually answering the question: "What am I doing so that men only need sex from me?" the woman understands that not only the man has to do with how the relationship develops. That she, too, is responsible for these relationships and is an active participant in the creation of a drawing of just such relationships, where only sex is important, and mental and spiritual closeness are excluded, are not taken into account, are not a priority.

What obstacle with the help of a psychologist was able to overcome the woman from the story described above, and what obstacle does every woman who is not happy with the relationships that takes place in her life have to overcome?

Stop blaming other people, accept your own responsibility for what is happening in your life. Naturally, because of this understanding, behavior and, accordingly, attitudes change.

Seems simple? However, it is not. There is another pitfall that prevents women from changing their lives. And this stone is a secondary benefit.

Yes Yes.

At first glance, it seems absurd, but in such situations there is also a secondary benefit. Which? Think about it.

Yes, not taking responsibility, not straining, letting things go and blaming others is much easier than understanding something, realizing, making efforts, worrying. Therefore, living the way you live, although not entirely comfortable, is much easier. This is the secondary benefit.

Therefore, at this stage, a woman finds herself in a zone of self-determination: to strain, take responsibility for herself, spend time and money on going to a psychologist and change something in life, or leave everything as it is and continue to blame others. Here again we recall the words of Carl Jung: "I am not what happened to me, I am what I decided to become."

So, in order for the relationship to develop not as rapidly as usual, and to have the opportunity to develop into a serious relationship, women need to make an inventory of their own existing ways of behavior, recognize their share in the development of such relationships, overcome certain barriers and obstacles in creating new ways behavior and act).