I Attract Men Who Only Want Sex

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How do you stop attracting men who want sex and start attracting men who want a serious relationship?

Often I take offense at men, then I leave and still do not lose hope that I will find a worthy one, I find another, and again I am disappointed. They use me, but I want a completely different attitude to myself. Why is there no close reliable man nearby. What is wrong with me and what to do?"

I came across such an interesting question in a psychological group in one of the social networks. And he very much responded to me inside, because she herself once asked herself the same questions a long time ago.

What is a woman to do in such a situation?

Let's see what public opinion recommends. I will voice the most common tips:

• Don't jump into a man's bunk on your first date! Let him take care of several months without sex, then the relationship that you dream of will develop …
• A woman behaves herself in such a way with men that she attracts attention only as a sexual object. As you know, there is no smoke without fire.
• The girls are too naive. All men want only sex! No other way! There's no problem.
• Take your time. Patience is the key to relationship success. Everything will be fine, but not immediately. You just have to wait for your man.
• It is normal for a woman to be attracted to a man sexually in the first place. But a woman should also have a zest, intelligence, so that there is something to talk about.

• Men want sex more than relationships. Women need relationships more.

  Men are generally low-vibration creatures, instinctive animals.

• If you want to find a man for a serious relationship, do not show it to him. Pretend you don't need a serious relationship. And he will stick to you. The less we love a woman, the easier she likes us. The same is true for women and is proposed as a way out of the situation. Such is the shape-shifter.
• It is advised to change the wardrobe to a less sexy one and the problem will be solved.

• Recommendations on what you need to convey to a man the message "in the morning - money, in the evening - chairs", that is, first the relationship, then sex.

  Stop "giving" to men at once and they will be ready for a relationship.

• Someone will offer to rejoice. Wow, you have sex! Gain experience, live high.
• Do not be easy prey, be interesting in communication, give emotions.
• You have to learn to be feminine and no psychologists are needed.
• Everything goes and it is also…

So what is wrong with these opinions and advice?

None of the advice looks towards the cause of the problem

Without seeing and not understanding the cause of the problem, it is impossible to solve it!

And advice of this kind to wait and everything will pass, yes, globally, of course, everything will pass, we all will die someday, but we live now and, of course, I want to solve my problem in the near future. I want a serious relationship with a reliable, close man, but so far it has not worked out.

This topic is very close and familiar to me.

The society advises from their everyday experience, from their projections, and you know, I am 90% sure that none of this will help a woman to solve the problem in a radical way. All this, "like a dead poultice."

Because such issues are not resolved at the level of action and advice.

It is impossible to just take and increase self-esteem, decide and become feminine, stop "giving", come to terms with the fact that men only need sex, just listen to videos on the Internet and expect that life itself will somehow radically change.

The woman already has a certain scenario and from early childhood her personal matrix of relationships has been formed. She is anchored in neural connections in her brain. In simple terms, she cannot build her relationship according to any other scenario. He just isn't in her personal relationship matrix. This is the effect of a worn-out record that plays the same melody. And it seems like it will never change.

Yes, she already has the realization that she attracts men only for sex, but it, most likely, will not change anything in her life, because it is false.

Well, she realized that she attracts men for sex and continues to step on the same rake.

How can one get rid of this?

It is important to move on to truly understanding the underlying causes. And here we need completely different questions that a woman never asks herself. Because nobody was taught this and it hurts a lot. After all, it is always easier to see the source of the problem outside, and not inside yourself.

She can see that she is being used for sex, but she does not see where she uses men herself, what needs does she cover in these relationships?

Maybe this is her need for recognition, acceptance, attention, confirmation of her sexuality. Perhaps dad or another figure replacing the father did not bring something important in childhood. The Pope might not have been there at all.

Maybe this is a quick way to raise your importance and significance, need, to get a short-term substitute for love. Often this is a tracing of the mother's relationship with her men, or its complete opposite (in psychology, it is called a “counter scenario”).

Why is she afraid of such a coveted relationship with a reliable, loving man? Was there in her life at least one example of such a relationship that she dreams of?

If she attracts men for sex, what does she really radiate?

Which pair is she losing? Perhaps a couple where she first trusts a man and hopes that this time things will not work out as usual.

Consciously, a woman hopes and waits for the right serious man, but chooses a womanizer who takes and uses her naivety and sexuality, deceives her, does not live up to expectations.

And here the question arises - why does a conscious desire contradict the choice that she makes. There is a conflict between consciousness and subconsciousness.

I want a serious one, but I choose a ladies' man. Disappointed in another man. I search again, and again I make a choice towards the one who wants only sex.

For some reason, in the psyche, a woman does not see reality and her subconscious choice.

As a result, a villain, an aggressor, turns out to be behind the mask of courtship, who uses it and then abandons it.

It hurts, the woman feels stress, resentment, anger, frustration and aggression.

Our heroine plays it all out in current relationships with men, then such a scenario has long been recorded in her personal matrix of relationships. This means that she has already lived somewhere, once and with someone like that, or witnessed such a relationship in her environment. These experiences formed her relationship matrix.

Accordingly, in order to change the current reality, you need to rebuild, modify or expand your matrix of relationships.

It often happens that a woman is at one pole and does not see her other part. After all, two people play games. Our partners, even casual ones, are in a sense a reflection of ourselves.

These men who use her are her second unconscious part from the internal matrix of relationships, which is endlessly played in external reality, attracting men who correspond to it.

The first step in breaking out of this repeating vicious circle is to become aware of the game.

Recognize that it exists and that there are reasons in the psyche that create it.

This is the first step, but, of course, awareness alone is not enough.

It seems that the woman has realized and understands everything, but … after a while she again finds herself in the same relationship.

And here it is already necessary to work with the subconscious to transform the script. And also so that new internal resources appear.

And then it will already be possible to start modeling how a woman wants to see her new relationship. And work towards a new experience of communication with men, the formation and consolidation of new neural connections.

This is a real way of internal transformation of the psyche, restructuring of neural connections, so the advice of society is powerless if you really want to change not the symptom, but the deep reasons.

They often ask me if you can figure it out yourself, read something?

You can, but the question is how quickly you want to achieve change in the relationship. If you are comfortable with working with yourself for years, slowly changing your psyche, then yes - you can.

With the help of a psychologist, this can be done many times faster, easier, easier. And I want to add that both the professionalism of the psychologist and the mood of the client play a role here.

The speed of change depends on the willingness to change. From how tired of walking in circles and being a sexual object, and how much you want to meet your reliable and loving man, build strong, long-term relationships.

I know that this is possible and I speak about it with confidence, because I found myself in a similar situation, and for years walked in a vicious circle. But now I know where the exit is. But to be honest, it is very difficult to cope with this alone, without the help of a specialist, since you can get into blind spots and the system of mental protection may turn on, which will not allow changes to occur.

The work of a psychologist with women in practice shows that it is quite realistic and quick to resolve such issues. My personal experience of transformation was longer and only accelerated when I went to work with a psychologist myself. Now I think I should have started earlier because I lost years.

It is also often asked how many meetings are needed for a real effect?

Here I can answer that everyone has their own situation, different injuries and the number of blocks in the psyche. There are cases when 4 meetings are enough, but there are cases when we work for about half a year.

And the next question that you may have is - is it worth spending the money?

I can say that such an investment is definitely worth it.

Of course, it is worth investing in yourself, in your development, in order to create a happy life, the relationship you dream of and as soon as possible!

We are not born to suffer.

Yes, we are wounded by previous experience, but it is really very important for us women to have that very loving, beloved and reliable man next to us in life!

Psychologist Irina Stetsenko