2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Yes, life cannot be ideal, but it has worn me out so much that everything loses its meaning"
You can deal with this problem in different ways.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL APPROACH
It is believed that in consciousness and in preconsciousness there are attitudes (ideas) that are not criticized and therefore very strong. They literally control the personality. They are something like this:
- Happiness is the absence of unhappiness;
- I will erase (burn, erase) troubles and so become free from them;
- I will start to enjoy life when I solve problems;
- I will improve something in myself (in everyday life) and then I will be happy;
- When I ensure the satisfaction of my needs, I will feel good;
- I feel bad because I depend on others;
- I cannot enjoy life as long as there are reasons 1, 2, 3, etc.
- There is a childhood trauma (terrible environment) that makes it impossible to be happy. But in reality, we overestimate the power of harm and underestimate our capabilities - which are the consequences of trauma.
These and similar installations are not correct or not completely correct. They only seem logical to us. Ideas like that don't work. But their opposites work:
- I can enjoy life despite the circumstances;
- I have the right to be happy where I am;
- I can improve my conditions and must do it;
- I depend on ideas in my head;
- I can train my body and my mind to enjoy life.
And it works. But, not all people.
There is also another approach. PSYCHODYNAMIC
It concerns to a greater extent the unconscious life. Here, in the first place - sensations, experiences, feelings and emotions, which by nature and upbringing are usually not realized.
If, with full understanding, you are still in dire straits, you probably need a different therapy. Thinking bumps into barriers. Feelings and fantasies are stronger than will and reason.
What to do?
1. Attention to the body
1.1. What signals from your body can you pick up here and now? When you are angry, can you be aware of it? If you are scared or anxious - at what point does it reach you? If you are tense, how long can you live without noticing it? Can you hear your body?
You should collect a library of your chest, neck, legs, and back sensations and experiences that include your skin, palms, knees, head, and other body parts.
The body must become part of the thought process.
1.2. Physical exercise.
If you are skinny, then you probably have (or have had) favorite physical pleasures. Perhaps you were once deprived of them or something happened that they lost interest or availability for you. You should return them. What for? Let me explain below.
If you are of medium or large build (even if you are slim, but consist of roundness), exercise may be an unknown planet and something alien to you. Start with yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, walking, walking the dog, waving your arms, and other simple things. Do not discount even the elementary. Why? Let me explain.
We experience pleasure and happiness when bio-chemical reactions take place in our brain. There is a bio-chemical reaction - there is a feeling of happiness. If this reaction is not there, there is no happiness. These reactions are triggered both mentally and biologically. Mentally, these are thoughts, emotions, experiences and mental impulses (many of which are poorly known to us or we think that THEM are not there). Biologically, these are movements, food, hormones, chemicals (and we are not always conscious about this either).
The easiest way to trigger the bio-chemical reaction of happiness is to do something that brings pleasure (we believe that we have no diseases when it is impossible to do it without drugs)
The most learned ways to trigger happiness chemistry in the brain are:
smoking, alcohol, drugs, sex, food, dancing, music, sports, when we are all together, creativity and doing something pleasant, competitions, contests, shows, holidays, religion, rituals, travel, awards, praise, feelings of love, community, understanding and pleasant relationship.
Also, the problem is that we do a lot of good things with no joy at all. We run as it is useful6 and then we don’t understand where the back pain comes from. And many of the forbidden and harmful - with joy, receiving accusations, exile or self-destruction.
If something from this list does not fit, disgusts or is not available, you will have to take what is suitable and available. For some people, jogging causes a surge of energy, for others it is decay. Meeting with family today causes depression, and tomorrow - a desire to live. Is activity and faith like obsession and frustration, or is it creativity and achievement? Someone lounging rests, and someone suffers.
If you see that someone is successfully engaged, it is not a guarantee that they are doing well. Will he not come to a therapist after 20 years of successful and joyless work with the question "where did I get my unwillingness to live?"
The catch is that pleasant feelings are associated with controversial things. Psychotropics, for example. But also workaholism and limitation can provide a happy response in the brain. The use of oneself and others can be enjoyable. Subordinate or dominant position, fierce competition and risk to life. Gluttony, Isolation, Risk, and Conflict. These are also sources of pleasure responses in the brain.
I know examples of getting out of prolonged depression through yoga and starting a business. I know when the depression stopped after the business was closed. And panic - after the cessation of sports. When the meaningfulness of life appeared from going to war. I know how a change of profession changed my life at 50. How attention to the body turned inner chaos into a system. I know how corny good relationships turn a fearful person into someone who is able to withstand difficulties. But I also know how the only joy can be buying new things. Or a performance in front of an audience. And the only way to feel important is panic attacks. And feelings of security are phobias.
My opinion is that maybe not all methods of getting pleasure are useful, but if they work for a specific person, the first thing to do is to treat it with respect.
2. Attention to experiences
The experience of being alone is one thing. Experiences when we are in a pair or in a team is another and third thing.
Experiencing ourselves in different modes of life is our self-esteem, in simple terms.
Problems with well-being are of the following nature:
2.1.
When we just don't know that we already feel something. Moreover, we can not experience anything like this alone, but next to another - yes. Or vice versa.
Sausage, throws into activity, covers with depression, makes you hurt and suffer, but we are absolutely unaware of what triggers this from the past, and what is right now?
Examples of what it might be.
From past:
- a long-standing loss (but we seem to have burned out and forgotten it altogether)
- an old quarrel (but no one remembers it anymore)
- long-term failure (no one thinks about it anymore)
- a long-standing blow to self-esteem (everything has settled down a long time ago)
From the present:
- someone made a remark;
- something undesirable happened;
- something seemed or really happened;
- a fantasy or idea has arisen in my head;
- a sensation appeared in the body;
- suddenly some thoughts ran.
And everything is important here. And the state in its inconsistency (when I see it and I don’t see it; I want it and I don’t want it); and a connection with the past, and a connection with the present.
2. 2.
When we already feel something, but do not yet know what it is and how it is called.
“I don’t blame anyone, but sometimes I feel lonely and disgusting. I try to solve these issues, but I find sadness and heaviness, I am exhausted or I panic”- what is it called?
It can be anger, envy, and guilt. Maybe fear. Or maybe shame. Or grief and pain. Or maybe all together. Not studied yet - nothing can be done about it.
“I throw myself at people, I can’t contain myself. People are afraid of me. I'm tired of myself, but everything pisses me off”- what could it be?
It could be jealousy. Maybe guilt and shame. Maybe fear. Or maybe grief. Or maybe loss and pain. Or maybe all together. And while it is not understood, there is nothing to be done.
And there is a catch, when any research is painful and uncomfortable. Whatever you touch - everywhere is denial, avoidance. This does not mean that the person is “bad” - he is simply vulnerable to the point where no criticality and analysis are possible. But perhaps the main thing is understanding the fact.
2.3.
When we are afraid of ourselves.
What I will list below does not mean that this is not true. It's just NOT ALL the truth.
“Anger destroys me” “I'm a good person” “I'm a terrible person” “I'm an unlucky person” “I'm a workaholic” “I have such a character” “I never take offense” “I never worry about this” “It's not about me at all "" I don't know how to lie "" I like order "" This doesn't happen to me "" I don't want to be weak "" I'm strong "" I'm a useless person "" I'm paranoid "" I have no right to do this "" I can handle it myself "" I am an independent person "" I do not need much "" I am an active person "" I will not allow everything to go awry "" I am afraid to go crazy from this "" The time has not come yet "" It does not bother me anymore " cross on this”“I am confident in myself”“I love myself”“I am always attentive to myself”“I like myself”“I just know how to love”“I am a responsible person”.
These and similar confident statements speak of a superficial acquaintance with oneself. When unambiguous ideas do not change for a LONG time, it means that a person is not mentally developing. But time is running out. And a stop in mental development (at any age) leads to walking in the same circles and rakes, depriving life of pleasure and meaning.
So. Let's summarize. Happiness therapy consists of the following areas of focus:
1. Body, connection between body and mind
2. Movement and activities based on the principles of pleasure (including passivity and idleness)
3. Thoughts in my head, ideas, attitudes (how everything should be and what I think of myself)
4. Unconscious (everything forbidden, undesirable, depreciated, not recognized, never named or confirmed by anyone)
We can recognize the unconscious by seeing dreams; composing stories and fairy tales about yourself and others; communicating with others (when we begin to understand wild things about ourselves or completely alien).
Recommended:
Ability To Say No, Boundaries
I CAN SAY NO, CAN YOU? You know, my dears, for me the ability to say “no” is one of the surest signs of a healthy human psyche. I do not take egoists and “consumers” as an example (they have the other extreme). After all, it is the ability to refuse that speaks of the adequate boundaries of a person.
ABILITY THERAPY. THE INJURY OF THE ABANDONED. INJURY OF THE THROWER
Abandonment - for us, this is the feeling of a person with whom we have unilaterally stopped communicating. At the same time, the one who quit did not allow the separation procedure to take place. He simply disappeared. He did not say: “You were important to me,” or “It was too difficult for me to be with you,” he did not thank, did not express any feelings, no attitude, but simply got out of contact.
Ability To Love
One of the most important personal resources of a person is his ability to love, which is felt as a constantly present factor inside a person. Abraham Maslow identifies two types of love with which a person gets acquainted during his life:
Requests, Claims And The Ability To Negotiate In A Relationship
From the dialogues in the psychotherapist's office: - Have you tried to tell your husband about what is happening to you and ask for help with the children? - Is he blind, or what, and does not see that I am falling off my feet ?! And I asked two hundred times - and said:
What Is The Width Of Our Life? Or How To Rejoice More
Often, in order to make our life more fulfilling, it is necessary to conduct an audit. There are days, periods in which we feel ourselves in a hopeless situation, the future seems uncertain, everyone around is doing well, but we are not particularly.
