Duty To Each Other

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Nobody owes anything to anyone" is an idea that has blown the wind of freedom in the minds of the post-Soviet generation, which a priori owed everyone (homeland, party, relatives, neighbors) but itself.

It is natural that in a society strained by debt burden, the opposite idea happily took root - without being exposed to the introspection of common sense. After all, she freed from the burden of a duty imposed by someone, and with it a painful feeling of guilt and fear of punishment.

The guilt that arises every time you dare to be so selfish that you do something for yourself. What are you doing there? You just want to … After all, this does not in any way fight with the idea of total altruism (giving up one's own right up to the last shirt) hovering around.

At the same time, while agreeing to abandon yourself in favor of your neighbor, in the depths of your soul, you expect him to do the same in your favor in return. And here he is, the other one already has to. And resentment arises if you cannot get the expected care.

And all together creates an unpleasant paradox - you cannot take it for yourself, and others do not give it. We have to survive, somehow adapting to this contradiction. And somewhere to dispose of the tension that it creates in the relationship.

Not surprisingly, the statement about

But, as usual, staying in one maximum, when changing position, inevitably leads to the opposite maximum. In this case, the offer to relinquish the obligation took the form of an invitation to waive responsibility to others. Simply put, to irresponsibility. And impulsive behavior in relationships. That is, the ability to make decisions regarding the couple, based on their own momentary desires. Well, since we are a friend, we don’t owe anything….

Apparently, due to this bias, today on the Internet you can find many hot objections to the idea voiced above.

I, in turn, also wanted to reflect on whether there is a healthy grain in a well-known phrase …

So: "Nobody owes anything to anyone" - in my opinion, speaks of the autonomy of each individual adult. About the absence of our existential (that is, objectively assigned) duty to each other.

The human psyche, which has successfully matured in the process of growing up, becomes sufficiently equipped so that we can take care of ourselves, ensuring our own life. And, accordingly, to independently choose with whom to enter into a relationship and what obligations to take on voluntarily.

After all, debt arises where there is an agreement on obligations. I do this (although, perhaps, this minute I have a different desire), because I promised. Because I choose this relationship and respect my own word.

At this point of free choice, as I see it, the states "should" and "want" cease to come into conflict - should, because I want the other to be good. Only this is not an impulsive "want", but a long-term decision based on a personal sense.

Look, the understanding that no one owes anyone, creates inside the feeling not of a victim, but of an author. I myself create my life and relationships in it. If there is no assignment in life, there are no guarantees, and, therefore, no requirements. Then no one will punish me, but I will have such a life as I am capable of and I will decide myself. And the sense of duty in her is not a measure of my limitations, but a measure of my responsibility.

So, regarding the phrase under discussion - who reads how. For a neurotically conditioned, immature person, it will be an excuse for his refusal to take responsibility. For a matured adult, it is a reminder of his own choice.